I don’t recall having a mid-life crisis, and now it is too late.
But I don’t have a lot to angst about - The Lovely and Talented Mrs. Shodan and the kids are doing fine, I really like my new job, my health is reasonably good, and as a Christian the idea of dying doesn’t bother me much.
There’s still plenty of trouble I can get into before I make my exit.
Regards,
Shodan
Pretty much lost my marriage to one.
My ex-wife sort of got high-stress about the marriage and in a counseling session announced, “If I don’t do it now, I’ll be out of time!” Then she filed for divorce. When I asked her why she told me she could tell me but didn’t want to (and didn’t).
So me? No, I’m one to take things as they come. But have I been through one? Damn straight.
Currently going through the stereotypical male mid-life crisis with all its ugly symptoms. It’s so stupid and predictable and depressing, like someone flicked a switch in my brain labeled “you’re going to be an idiot now.”
Mine is behind me now but it was a direct result of my marriage failing. So, +1. Could not have said it better.
I got mine out of the way when I was 27, realized I had been drifting for a few years, and really needed to do something about that. So I took some time to sort out what I wanted, and then gradually pushed myself into motion in a good direction.
Right now, other than some probably temporary discontents with the job, I’m really quite satisfied with my life. I’m 60 but look and feel at least a decade younger, I’ve got a wife I love and a son I’m crazy about (even when he’s driving me crazy), and we’ve got more than enough money. My only real discontent is that I’d like more free time than I’ve got.
No, I never did. I was (and am) very happy with my wife and kids and reasonably happy with my job. Now that I am retired and my kids all moving forward in their lives (they are between 41 and 48) I just do the parts of my job that I enjoyed the most (research and some editing). I have left some impact on my corner of mathematics and that pleases me. No fast cars, no trophy girl friends.
I like to joke that at my age (42) I really expected to be on at least my third wife (instead of first). I’ve also imagined myself as an impotent middle-manager at a much more prestigious company than where I work now.
Looking back 25 years I may have gone through a small mid life crisis. I got divorced at 40 years old after 20 years of marriage and I spent the next year trying new styles, hangouts, hobbies etc trying to find out who I was. I just drifted back into my normal self after a time.
No, marriage and family life are good, I like my job, and know damned well that happiness doesn’t come from externals, so I’m a pretty content guy. I didn’t set my sights too high, and was fortunate to pretty much hit what I aimed at.
That said, I feel for everyone in the ‘crisis’ boat. It must be very challenging to try to sort out whether your instincts are correctly signalling you that you need to change your life in a significant way, or your discontent is about to lead you into a mistaken direction.
I think my “crisis” is more professional than personal. Let me explain how I got where I’m at.
I went in the military at 18, put in about 6 years as an enlisted guy, working outdoors with my hands, deploying all the time, not really getting any respect because my job wasn’t “high tech” etc… but didn’t care.
Got married to wrong wife at 21, had daughter at 23, decided I needed to do “better” and started working towards my BSEE even though I had no passion for engineering.
Divorced wrong wife at 25.
Completed my EE at 27, took permanent custody of previously mentioned daughter at age 3. Began life as single dad.
Immediately after graduating college I was picked up for a commission in the USAF. I had 2 choices as an engineer 1) Civil Engineer (infrastructure type work) which was much like I had done as an enlisted guy. Lots of field time. Lots of deployments (probably 6 out of every 18 months or so) or 2) Developmental Engineer (Technology development, comm, space systems, aircraft, traditional engineering type work). No deploying, no working with my hands and doing fun stuff. BUT… remember that kid I had? Well I couldn’t very well volunteer to go into a career field that would put me in the field all the time when I had a child to take care of alone. So I chose #2. Here’s where things take a turn and send me down what feels like a “path of no return”…
I really didn’t enjoy “technology-engineering” for lack of a better term. I don’t enjoy making new things. I enjoy fixing broken things. I was put into a space/missile defense field and excelled in it mainly due to one of those “right job, right time, lots of visibility” things. Because I did so well the AF said “Hey, want a free Masters Degree?”. So I accepted an assignment to get my MSEE in comm, emag type shit. Stuff that bored me to tears and I didnt enjoy. But I couldn’t just say no to having school paid for.
So I graduated with a technology dev focused masters (widebandgap semicondutor materials stuff). No fun. School sucked. I did fine though. Bored out of my mind but graduated with a good GPA.
AF sends me on several other assignments related to space systems development/acquisition over the next 9 years, firmly entrenching me in this field.
Retired in May and had a job lined up right in town making good money doing the same damn thing I’d been doing for the last 10 years. At this point I’m married to right-wife, have 3 kids, cat, dog, house, cars, have health insurance for life etc… Home life is good. BUT…
Family is used to this standard of living. House is expensive. I have probably 15 years of my life sunk in a field that is not interesting to me, is fairly stable, I excel in, but just can’t get excited about.
So at this age (38) I’m feeling my 9 hour days in the office taking a toll. I provide for my family and that’s why I do it but I’m starting to have strong feelings of “oh god, life is probably 1/2 over. I don’t want to regret spending all my waking hours sitting at a desk, typing on a keyboard, 5 walls between me and the sun, doing work that is sucking the soul out of me”.
I don’t know what I WANT to do though and with me being a mid-career type guy I will NOT be able to go switch up and get this salary at another job, and frankly, I don’t feel like I want to spend the rest of my life working FOR somebody. Don’t know what I want to do though so that’s frustrating. That’s my crisis I suppose. Figuring that out.
Oh, sure. I get it. The golden hand-cuffs.
At 38 you’re quite young and while you seem to have accomplished quite a lot, you’ve not experienced the thorough ass kicking that life can sometimes offer. This too shall come. And you’ll find yourself wishing for the banality of the mundane existence you’re suffering from right now.
Just turned 50 with a wife I love and who lves me back, two kids, a dog, and two cats. Life is pretty good. In an hour I’ll be at my birthday celebration with my family and a bunch of friends at a local restaurant.
Not really, but every spring I do get the urge to own a Harley.
That may never go away.
mmm