No, I don’t think that counts as a crush. I certainly feel “crotch sparks” for my fiancee (I wouldn’t consider marrying her if I didn’t), but it wasn’t the instantaneous, all-consuming “lust at first sight” infatuation that I normally associate with crushes.
When I first met her, I thought she was very attractive, and the more I got to know her the more attractive she became. I don’t consider that to be a crush, although I certainly hope it is a sign of true love.
Barry
I had a crush on him before I ever met him. And now that we’re together, I still have a huge crush on him. I hope the crush lasts through fifty years of marriage.
Ava
I think you’re right.
And actually I don’t like crushes after the first few weeks. In the beginning, it’s all yummy and giddy and makes you all twirly, and every tiny event becomes monumental (OMG, he said *Gesundheit *when I sneezed! Surely this means he loves me!) . . .
. . . but if I haven’t made any REAL progress (i.e., a date) in about a month, I just start feeling sick and stupid and insecure.
I am absolutely crazy about my wife, but I never had a “crush” on her; however she did have one on me. We were best friends during that time until I realized (or “came around” to the fact) that what I felt was something much more.
In fact, every woman I ever had a “crush” on never panned out as girlfriends, but every relationship I’ve been in started from her having a crush on me and acting upon it.
It’s not the first time that error has been made. Don’t sweat it.
I threw some people in another thread for a similar loop. They suggested that I might want to change my username.
Nope.
When I dated guys WITHOUT having a crush first, the relationships were fine but I always felt like something was missing.
When I dated guys that I DID have a crush on, the relationships were more tumultuous, but they certainly didn’t lack for anything.
When I started dating my current SO, we had mad crushes on each other. Turns out we’re also incredibly compatible. Now we’re engaged.
So, to answer the original question–in my experience, if I didn’t have a crush on a guy at the outset, I lost interest in him eventually. If I did, it wasn’t necessarily a good sign either. I guess I needed both the crush and the compatibility.
Here’s a question to ask yourself: Have you developed a crush on any OTHER women since you started dating your fiancee?
Nope, that I have not!
I had such a crush on my hubby. I had one since I was a freshmen in high school. We finally got together senior year and it was like a dream come true. We went to each other’s senior proms.
He had a reallly big crush on me, too. His friends kept trying to get us together but it never worked out. Either he had a girlfriend and I was free or I had a ‘boyfriend’ and he was free. It all worked out in the end, though.
No crush here (didn’t know her long enough); however, the first time I saw her with her hair down and a red-strappy shirt on, the burgeoning affection I felt zoomed right around the corner of “Go”, robbed the bank of $2K (inflation, Dude–$200 just doesn’t cut it anymore) and crashed right into that welcomed wall of lust and love.
I’m still stuck on that damned wall. She’s worth it.
Nope. I hated having crushes on girls. A the time, I was actively trying to avoid having feelings for anyone. Whenever I’d have a crush on someone, it would mean I’d be painfully awkward around her for an embarrassingly long period of time, and I’d be setting myself up for a huge fall (needless to say, I was a real champ with the ladies :rolleyes: ). Basically, for me, a crush=crushing bout of depression.
But in college, I learned that a friend had a big crush on me. I didn’t believe it at all (my lack of self-esteem would say "why the hell would anyone be attracted to me?), but one night, she and I were ICQing, and she finally admitted it. So I agreed to go out with her.
When we started spending more time together, things got really hot, really fast. All those feelings associated with a crush came to me at breakneck speed. But the difference was, it felt natural and fun and the all the good ways it was supposed to feel.
Three years later, we are married, and those feelings–while they have slowed a bit, as they always do–are still there. And when I’m not feeling them, I instead feel a familiar comfort, like she has been with me all my life. So I guess you could say I had a crush on her after we got together, and I still do.
I had a HUGE crush on my now husband. I used to tell another girl I went to college with (who also had a huge crush on him) that the luckiest girl in the world would marry that guy. We would scope him out when he was walking, try to get his attention- whatever it took to get him to pay attention. When we got togeter, I had given him a ride to an event with mutual friends (Hey, you need a ride? OK, I’ll pick you up), we went back to his place at his suggestion (OMG OMG OMG is what kept going through my head, in true “crush” form), he played his guitar and sang for me all night, and we went to breakfast together.
That very day we made an excuse to go someplace, and we started to see each other regularly. A few weeks later we were in full blown love, a while later we were living together, a few years later we were buying a house, and we’ve now been together for 9 years and married for 5.
It was a great crush, and frankly I STILL have a crush on him.
I used to actually semi- stalk my boyfriend before we got together. I knew his path he took to get to his friends house and I’d sit in there on the path watching him. Usually reading or just sitting. I thought he was was heavenly. Then I find out that my cousin is friends with him. WOOOO! I used to go over to my cousins house constantly just to see if he’d stop by there. Then one day, he called out of the blue. I freaked out. I was thinking how did he get my number. He must have asked someone, meaning he was interested. I’ve been with him since. I still have a crush on him too.
My boyfriend and I were best friends that frequently went out with a larger group…and for a long time I viewed him as asexual. He was like a plant. Or a mushroom. He produced spores.
Then, Halloween night, after dressing up as a box of tampons with some of the others (we each had a string coming out of our heads, wore all white, and had a refridgerator box emblazoned with TAMPAX across one side), we went out to do God knows what…and what with there being four of us and a S10 truck as our only mode of transportation, two of us crammed in the back while the other two got the cab seats. My Asexual Pal and I got the back, and out of nowhere, I got…that feeling. (It may have had something to do with the fact that he’d grown 1970’s style just-been-laid-esque rock-star hair over the summer).
I remember thinking all of a sudden, some random thing, like, I’d really like it if he kissed me right now, or God, he smells so fucking good. (I’ve got a very big thing about smells, you understand.) This was followed with an unusual bit of internal dialoge, something like, What, where did that come from, you think of him as a spore-producing mildew/Yeah? Yeah… well…not anymore.
The feeling stuck around. Flourished like the aforementioned mildew on a nice warm baguette; after more than a year of regarding him as sporatic, I had a crush, had it for four months until we started actually doing that whole “dating” thing in late February. In honour of that evening, I’m going to use the Orthodox Jewish Smilie: ;j. This is one of those situations where the Orthodox Jewish Smilie is just called for.