Let's talk about crushes

In My Humble Opinion
1

My name is Skijumper and I have a crush. A bad one too, but I’ll get to that later. For now, a poll:

  1. Are you prone to crushes - either as a ‘crusher’ or ‘crushee’? How often do they occur? How long do they last?

  2. Do they occur even when you’re in a secure relationship?

  3. What do you do about them, if anything? For instance, do you act or say anything out of the ordinary? If you suspect you’re the subject of a crush, would you want to find out if it was true, or leave it be?

  4. Do you find yourself in situations where you’re suddenly attracted to someone you’ve never really noticed or considered before after you find out

  5. Have your crushes turned into ‘real’ relationships (platonic or romantic)? Or do they keep you at a distance?

2

I am prone to having crushes. I have about one every year or sometimes every other year. They can last anywhere from a few weeks to years at a time. I had a crush on one boy for seven years until I finally met him. I still have a crush on a boy I knew in high school, and I haven’t seen him in eight years. I’ve had a pretty serious crush on a boy now for about three months.

No.

I’m sure I’m probably more flirtatious, but I don’t think I act strangely or anything. If I were the subject, I think I would want to know.

No. I’m generally attracted to someone or not. If I have known the person for a while, I don’t suddenly develop feelings out of the blue.

Platonic, yes. Meaningful, yes. Romantic, only once.

Personally, I think crushes are wonderful. Keep me young and all.

3

I have crushes all the time. I’ve had a crush on just about everybody I’ve ever met who was smarter than me: I’ve had serious crushes on any number of books, and authors, and charecters. I have signifigant crushes on several dopers.

For me, a huge liberating realization was that crushes really aren’t sexual at all. We tend to assume they are, because we are conditioned by society to believe that for a strong attraction to be worthwhile, it has to be sexual, so when we feel this incredible giddy rush whenever we think about or see someone, we assume that that is sexual in nature. It certainly can be–I have one hell of a crush on my husband–but it certainly dosen’t have to be.

I used to be embarressed about my tendency to develop teacher crushes, because I thought all that giddy emotion meant I was the type of silly girl that wanted to bang all her professors. Then I realized one day that I wasn’t particularly physically aroused. This was quite liberating.: it’s ok to think that someone is unbelivelably intelligent and cool and wise and interesting and not want to marry them: admiration of someone does not equal exclusive admiration of them.

4

I develop crushes all the time. There was one senior in my Philosophy class last semester…he was so cute. He would smile, and seriously, it was like a light went on in the room. He was also very nice and pretty funny. I allowed the crush to develop, run its course, and forget about it.
In the meantime, I do tell my husband about it. He knows that I’m a “silly” girl, that I develop crushes all the time (non-sexual in nature), and that it has nothing to do with our relationship or how I feel about him.
But I have always, always, always had crushes. Ican’t remember a time without having a crush on somebody(s) and I can’t imagine my life without crushes.

5

I get silly crushes on philosophers, music nerds and footballers.

6

Yay, crushes! I miss having crushes. I haven’t had one since I met my boyfriend, about four years ago. Before that I was practically always in the midst of one.

  1. Are you prone to crushes - either as a ‘crusher’ or ‘crushee’? How often do they occur? How long do they last?

I’ve never been a crushee, that I know about. Mine usually lasted ages – for as long as I was around that person – and I didn’t have more than one at any one time, so I haven’t had any. That said, I once had a crush on a French teacher that lasted precisely one lesson. During that lesson, I had all the symptoms – hot flushes, shaking, etc, but the next time I saw him I thought: ‘ah, he’s ugly’!

  1. Do they occur even when you’re in a secure relationship?

They haven’t so far. I think part of the charm of crushes is that they make you feel secure – in your environment, if not in yourself – and when you feel safe in a relationship, you don’t need it. A crush is also a way of defining yourself in relation to another person, and, again, that happens in a relationship too.

  1. What do you do about them, if anything? For instance, do you act or say anything out of the ordinary? If you suspect you’re the subject of a crush, would you want to find out if it was true, or leave it be?

I remember acting like a complete madwoman: tongue-tied, blushing, pretending to hate the person to ensure they’d never find out, all that kind of thing. I agree that it’s not at all a sexual thing, but a crush is definitely connected to a person’s physical presence. For me the crushee had a sort of aura that made their presence very significant and also made it very hard to look at them directly.

  1. Do you find yourself in situations where you’re suddenly attracted to someone you’ve never really noticed or considered before after you find out

Not any more.

  1. Have your crushes turned into ‘real’ relationships (platonic or romantic)? Or do they keep you at a distance?

No – I wouldn’t have wanted them too. If the subject of my crush had ever asked me out, the feeling would have immediately dissipated.

7

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Skijumper *
**1. Are you prone to crushes - either as a ‘crusher’ or ‘crushee’? How often do they occur? How long do they last? **
I don’t really get real crushes that often, but I’m an old person now (thirty-one). Fleeting lust, yeah, that happens, but not crushes. With one or two exceptions, I left those behind when I was a teen.

2. Do they occur even when you’re in a secure relationship? I said there were one or two exceptions, and a couple have happened since I got married. One in particular . . . real chemistry . . . we’d have been perfect for each other . . . sigh

3. What do you do about them, if anything? For instance, do you act or say anything out of the ordinary? If you suspect you’re the subject of a crush, would you want to find out if it was true, or leave it be? I didn’t do anything about the bad one, at least not consciously, but I’m pretty sure she knew. It was a mutual thing that wasn’t really spoken of, although everything that was ever needed to be communicated about the situation passed between us in a few awkward moments. Ultimately my marriage vows stood in the way of any kind of real affair–and I’m glad. When I’ve been the object of other people’s crushes, I’ve just ignored it when possible. Hell, it’s flattering on the rare occasions it happens. Or, if situationally appropriate, I’ve even engaged in harmless flirting.

**4. Do you find yourself in situations where you’re suddenly attracted to someone you’ve never really noticed or considered before after you find out ** Sort of.

**5. Have your crushes turned into ‘real’ relationships (platonic or romantic)? Or do they keep you at a distance? ** Yes, to both platonic and romantic relationships, and yes, they’ve also kept me at a distance, and sometimes all three over the course of a very short time–I’m thinking back to my teen years here.

8

Are you prone to crushes - either as a ‘crusher’ or ‘crushee’? How often do they occur? How long do they last?

I’m prone to being a crusher. About once a year would be a realistic frequency, and they last a while. I’m not sure if anyone’s ever had a crush on me.

What do you do about them, if anything? For instance, do you act or say anything out of the ordinary? If you suspect you’re the subject of a crush, would you want to find out if it was true, or leave it be?

Two things happen - I tend to do and say things to try to impress the object of my pining, but wind up saying and doing rather dumb things on account of my natural talent of messing up a good thing by overdoing it, or I, in a measure to spare me embarrassment, say nothing at all and hide my love.

Do you find yourself in situations where you’re suddenly attracted to someone you’ve never really noticed or considered before after you find out?

Once in a while.

Have your crushes turned into ‘real’ relationships (platonic or romantic)? Or do they keep you at a distance?

No, not at all.

9

**

  1. Are you prone to crushes - either as a ‘crusher’ or ‘crushee’? How often do they occur? How long do they last?**

I’m definately a “crusher.” Though I have been a “crushee” a couple times (I think). The length of time varies–a few weeks to years. For example, there’s my first heavy crush, which occured in high school. 6 years later, I still wonder what he’s up to.

**2. Do they occur even when you’re in a secure relationship? **

Well, I don’t believe I’ve ever been in a “secure relationship,” so I’d have to say, no (so far).

3. What do you do about them, if anything? For instance, do you act or say anything out of the ordinary? If you suspect you’re the subject of a crush, would you want to find out if it was true, or leave it be?

I tend to become deathly afraid that they’ll find out, so I try to play it “cool.” Except, I end up acting completely differently than I did before, and they probably suspect something’s up. I haven’t been attracted to any of the guys I’ve suspected have had crushes on me, so I try to be friendly-nice without encouraging them any more.

4. Do you find yourself in situations where you’re suddenly attracted to someone you’ve never really noticed or considered before after you find out

Do you mean I’ve suddenly become attracted to them, or I’ve suddenly become attracted to them after I found out how they felt about me? If it’s the first–all the time! If it’s the latter, than see my answer to #3.

**5. Have your crushes turned into ‘real’ relationships (platonic or romantic)? Or do they keep you at a distance? **

I’ve had brief flings with some of them. Others have pissed me off, and I reflect back and wonder “what did I ever see in them?” Some I’ve been platonic friends with, some I’ve lost touch with. Some stay in that awkward in-between phase.

10

  1. I am prone to crushes. I am mostly the crusher but I’ve been a crushee a few times.

  2. not a full on crush, no. I still find girls attractive of course.

  3. When I have a crush on somebody I try to get them catching me looking at them. I never actually ask them out or anything, I kinda hope they make the first move…in short, I’m a coward.

  4. That exact same thing happened. A girl was writing me love notes (which was cute, I was honored). A source told me who it was and I knew of her before but after I found out I found myself checking her out all the time.

  5. I dated the girl from number 4 for a few months but it didn’t turn into a serious relationship. As far as crushes that I’ve had? They turn into friends of mine dammit.:frowning: