Me: I hate my hair, I’m gonna chop it all off one day! Husband: No, you wouldn’t look good with short hair. Me: Why not? Husband: Because your mother has short hair, and while she is a very handsome woman, she looks bad with short hair. You two have the same face. Me: Are you saying I’m handsome? Husband: No, I’m saying you have a very ‘strong’ face, like your mother. (At this point he knows he’s said too much, and is trying to fix it). I mean, your face looks better with long hair. Me: You can shut up now.
Gee, thanks hon, I’m glad you find me attractive in that Cousin It kinda way. :rolleyes:
Some friends an I put on a charity canoe race that draws a couple of thousand competitors and about fifteen thousand spectators. As part of this, we offer coaching to new teams, which unfortunately leaves us short on sleep, so we catch cat naps when we can. Last night at a mid-winter fundraiser, one of the competitors came up and gave me a lovely sweatshirt. Later in the evening another comtetitor from another team gave me a sweatshirt and a hat. I was quite pleased with the gifts, but for the life of me could not think of why near strangers would want to give me anything, let alone clothing.
Finally, a competitor from yet another team came up and said the following:
Paddler: “I heard that you’re a lawyer. Is that true?”
Me: “Yes.”
Paddler: “Wow! I thought you were a bum!”
Me: “A bum?”
Paddler: “Ya. The first time our team saw you, you were sleeping in the grass with your shirt up, so we all thought you were a bum. We were really surprised when we found out that you were our coach.”
Me: “A bum?”
Paddler: “Ya. We couldn’t believe that a bum could be such a great coach. But the scheduling person said you were supposed to be our coach, so we went along with it”
Me: “A bum?”
Paddler: “Ya. And now I learn that you are a lawyer. That’s too much! It’s great that you’re not a bum. I can’t wait to tell everybody that you’re not a bum!”
It slowly dawned on me why people had been giving me clothing.
While going through some papers, my hubby and I came across a pic of us that was taken about 20 years ago
He: Oh I remember this, it’s when you used to be pretty
Me: Used to be?
He: Oh I’m not saying that you aren’t pretty now, I’m saying you used to be really pretty like when this one was taken. It’s completely different. I mean I love you no matter what you look like. No wait I didn’t mean that like it sounded either. What I mean is…
Me: Fuck you, you should have quit when you were ahead.
“Oh, I love the way you smile and how happy you look when you dance. It reminds me of how my dog looks when he hangs his head out the window when we’re driving.”
Honest to god. And I don’t think she ever realized what she had said.
“Your ass doesnt look as fat as it used to” and that is the nicest way she has ever put it.
hehe… I am wearing her jeans right now. Jeans she doesnt fit into anymore. They suit me fine… only that they are too short… I try to walk past her a lot today
Most of mine are a lot like what you guys have said.
“You clean up well.” – remarked by a teacher upon seeing my Prom picture last year. Of course, my friends caught wind of this, so whenever I dress up nice they have to come up and say that to me. It sounds so stupid. What do I do, roll in mud every other day of the year? I shower every day…
“I didn’t know you could sing! Wow!”
“You were on Wheel of Fortune? Get outta here!” Okay, so not a lot of people knew I was on Wheel of Fortune, but this was coming from someone who was in my class when I was on the show. I was on the news, all over the newspapers, tv commercials, it was announced in school all the time…what planet were they on?
“Why are you dressed up? Any special reason?” And this does not even have to happen when I wear a dress; I could be wearing khakis. It’s not like I dress up as a bum, but still.
“Ooooo, you’re so skinny, I hate you!” Amen! How DO you reply to that? Or “I wish I was skinny like you”…
“Wow! You have ears!” (I wear my hair down a lot)
“You have such a nice, long neck. It makes you look like some sort of snobby regal princess” What the…?
“You could stand to gain 20 pounds; you’d look better.” Ummm…wha?
Someone once said to my husband, “For an asshole, you’re a pretty nice guy, Dave.” The complimenter intended absolutely no irony and thought he was saying something sincerely nice. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t actually heard it.
I once burned my stomach with hot cooking oil and got a bunch of ugly welts. The doctor said they should go away after a few months, and then added, “Now, if you were a pretty 16-year-old girl, this would be a problem…” I was like, Excuse me, I’m a pretty 18-year-old boy!!
And he didn’t know what he was talking about, either. A girl I knew gave me a tube of cortisone to put on them and they were gone in two days.
