DIE BITCH, or "All that you love will be carried away"

I was taking a dump…

(Oops, forgot TMI warning)

I was having a bowel movement at work the other day and I noticed something different in the stall I usually habitate. Someone, using some sharp object had carved out the words “DIE BITCH” in the toilet paper dispenser. This kind of pisses me off since the bathrooms are pretty new and this stall had been previously unblemished. If this were a stall in the subway, or even in a restaraunt I would not be so puzzled, but this is a bathroom deep into a hospital which pretty much is just across the hall from my lab. So no crazy patients or visitors are likely to ever even find it.

I don’t believe anyone in my lab would behave in such a juvenile fashion, and the custodial staff that wanders around all seem to have a good head on their shoulders. What possesses someone to do this anyways. The “bitch” will never even see this, seeing how it’s the men’s bathroom. Ooh, oh no; could someone have a grudge against Mary? Our Jamaican cleaning lady? No, impossible, she’s so loveable and has been our favorite cleaning person in recent memory.

I’m not opposed to bathroom grafitti. In fact, some good ones have kept me entertained whilst I do the deed.
“Fuck me suck me,
make me bleed.
Kinky sex,
is what i need.”

“a man must have great ambition in life to have to write his name on the wall of a bathroom stall”

“OSHA regulation 42-2 : All turds over 6 inches must be hand lowered.”

“WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.”

“Here I sit
Came to shit
But only farted”

“All that you love will be carried away”*

So two things. Do any of you guys have insight into why someone would want to vandalize the ass paper dispenser randomly? I am almost positively certain that it would have to be someone working in a medically related field in a hospital.

And two, seen any good bathroom graffiti lately? I know there are many websites which collect this stuff, but maybe there are some good Doper contributions we could get going here.

Well, of course there’s the eternal, “Here I sit…,” but the memorable one was followed by verse 2:
Then one day I took a chance
Tried to fart and shit my pants

But I liked this one best:
Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their shit into little balls.
Those who read these words of wit
Sit and eat the balls of shit.

It’s bathroom grafitti, not Chaucer…cut me some slack!

Is it possible that DIE BITCH was addressed to the toilet paper dispenser itself?

You have no idea how many times I typed “toiler paper,” which I guess is appropriate at work, actually.

A fit of anger? An unrealized yet talentless artistic streak? Been watching too many episodes of Trading Spaces? Who knows? That’s part of graffiti’s charm sometimes, the mystery behind it, although this example is rather unimaginative in execution.

A Stephen King fan with a sharpie, it sounds like. If you enjoy reading, check out the short story by this name. It’s in…hmmm, Everything’s Eventual, I believe. Not at all supernatural, but an interesting little character study of a lonely man with the same interest in anonymous scrawlings as you admit to.

I learned this from my mom, in the olden days, whose version was

Here I sit
Paid a nickel to shit
But only farted.
Addressed to the dispenser? Yeah, I could see that. The big-ass fucker at our work spins back on itself and I lose the end. It results in silent invective.

It’s German – “die bitch”.

Mark my words, when a nation has to turn to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.

Actually, it’s a very confused multi-linguist.

Ludovic got it right that the first word is german, but the second word is a misspelled latin word. That’s right, they forgot to drop the ‘t’.

because ‘bich’ is latin for gener-osi-tee!


Oh…well no one who speaks German could be an evil man.

I always chuckle when there is construction/damage to the room. Someone will always have written, “Please do not punch holes in the wall- mgr”.

I’m easily amused.

Xkcd’s take.

You can’t always identify the weird ones by the way the look or act.

We’re everywhere and you don’t even know it.

(but I’m not the kind of weird that will deface public restrooms.)

My take: he was on the phone with an ex (or current, or boss), and while being civilized to her he used the paper holder to express his true feelings.

Some come here to sit and think.
Some come here to shit and think.
Some come here to take a dump.
I came here to leave one.

Any prick can piss on the floor.
be a hero, shit on the ceiling.

From an old MAD magazine-

“this is a tee-pee for you to pee, not a wigwam to beat your tom-tom”

Dane Cook does a little bit about this:

"God forbid you have to use the stall, right? You go in there, you sit down, you TRY to close the door which appearently Van Damme kicked in. Why are they all broken? Who is running in the bathroom like “I GOTTA SHIT! punching I CAN’T SHIT WITH A DOOR IN FRONT OF ME! more punching FUCKING DOOR! I DON’T LIKE BEING IN A PERFECT SQUARE WHEN I SHIT! punch; AAAA Good; broken, like that! Now I can…shit. punch Door!” Now you’re sitting there, you just have to read…you start reading like all the most evil, ignorant shit, EVER. It’s all around, you just sit there- and it’s not just written in pencil, it’s fucking CARVED! Who is carving on the toilet? Who is so pissed off while they’re taking a crap that they’re like, “shit sound GODDAMN JEWS! shit sound AHH! BLACKS! shit sound ERRRGH!” Here’s my favorite too, on the wall, someone always has to write “Mike was here.” But then somebody else puts an arrow and writes, “Mike is a faggot!” Like Mike is coming back to check it out, “What the fuck is this? I WAS HERE BUT NOT AS A FAGGOT! I’M TRYING TO MAKE A STATEMENT HERE!” There’s always like a girls number…there’s always a girls number. Does anybody ever fucking call? “How’d you meet your wife, John?” “[pause]…I was taking a crap…”


My favorite bit of bathroom poetry, written in the bathroom of a coffee shop that caters to goths, geeks, punks, and other freaks:

Sure, it’s emo and melodramatic as all get out, but I like it.

All-time favorite in the Little 5 Points Pub in Atlanta:

“My mother made me a lesbian”

Under it, different ink and handwriting:

“If I buy the yarn, will she make me one, too?”


Some come her to sit and think
And write upon the walls
I come here to shit and stink
And scratch my hairy balls

–found in the Ladies’ Restroom :eek: