Here’s how I see it. Rejecting you for the '96 Saturn = golddigger. Rejecting you for having no health insurance = heeding a potential warning sign. Unless there’s some good reason you have no insurance, like being a full time student (and my college required you to have some sort of insurance, so that’s probably not even a good excuse.) Something which says, “I’m not just a lazy bum who is content to work part-time at Superamerica the rest of my life–I have a definite plan for the future.” After all, in my area, at least, just about every full-time, steady job offers some sort of insurance. As ZipperJJ said above, you are potentially one accident or major illness away from becoming a real burden. Single mothers have enough burdens already–it’s no surprise they’d be pragmatic about these things.
I dunno, that kind of sounds to me like “my superficial reason for not wanting to date her is better than her superficial reason for not wanting to date me.”
I don’t mean that in a judgemental way, I’m just lazy and couldn’t think of a better way to phrase it. You think they weren’t attractive enough, they think you weren’t successful enough - isn’t it win/win that you didn’t end up dating?
There are 46 million uninsured people in the U.S. You didn’t know that? It’s one of the major issues in the presidential campaign. Do you think all those people only work part time? There are also cases where insurance is offered, but it costs so much that a full time worker would be spending over half of his net pay every month on coverage, making it impossible to afford.
In my case, however, I work forty hours a week, every week, and they never even bothered to offer me insurance. I do get a few paid vacation days and paid holidays each year (well, I’ve only been working here a little over a year), but that’s about it. I work for a subcontractor. Now, a position has opened up with the contractor which I interviewed for and still haven’t heard back about; that comes with health insurance and better pay.
Perhaps, but my superficial reasons are beyond my control.
For now, yes. I guess I’m just anticipating a smart, attractive dream girl coming along and rejecting me for the same reason. That’s gonna hurt.
And part of the reason that I’m not out there actively looking for anyone is that they’ll probably react the same way that these girls have.
Eh, I don’t have much of a choice, I suppose. If this job doesn’t come through, it’s time to start looking elsewhere, and looking hard.
You didn’t know the Harvard Business School students I used to hang with occasionally. Some had a thing for cute Asian chicks, some wanted a pretty preppie Stepford wife, and some wanted a woman with the same high status career trajectory as they were on.
Yeah, my second husband refused to date a woman without a degree and career.
A woman isn’t a gold-digger for trying to provide her kids with a little financial security. A woman isn’t a gold-digger for avoiding a mate who apparently can’t even care for himself (re health insurance… sorry, maybe it’s just a very temporary thing for you, but otherwise a lack of it is a signpost on the outskirts of irresponsible losertown).
If she were a single woman who judged you purely on your car, then I’d be able to work up some more indignance on your behalf.
Well, not all of them, but, yes, I guess that would be my stereotypical picture of an uninsured adult, for better or for worse. Either working a part-time job, several part-time jobs, a temp job, unemployed, or self-employed. None of those options, IMO, would probably seem all that stable compared to a regular full-time job to a struggling single mother. Perhaps they are perfectly stable…you could run your own successful business and not take health insurance because you are in excellent health and feel you can afford the risk…but we’re talking about warning signs. Stereotypes. Hunches. I know many single mothers who ignore these, or have in the past–that’s how they got into their situation in the first place. Most people at least try to learn from their mistakes.
The health insurance thing is weird. I never even thought about that as warning sign. I have insurance but told the Aflac duck to take a hike, what does that mean in my dating future? Now I wonder.
I really wish I’d put this thread in the fucking Pit right now…
Sorry, Neutron Star, I have to agree somewhat with others.
In your OP you stated that you were out of their league. That attitude is felt, even if not stated aloud. The woman maybe feels that, but then sees your car or hears that you don’t have insurance and possibly wonders “WTF? Who does he think HE is?” and that’s the end of that.
I’m also a single mom. If a date shows up in a beat up hoopdie, that’s okay. I drive a beater also. If he’s working his 40 hours, paying his bills, either likes his job or is working on improving his job status, and is overall doing what needs to be done - great. It doesn’t matter if he makes more or less than me. It’s about his attitude.
Things I have learned from this thread:
[ul]
[li]I have no ambition.[/li][li]I have no plans for the future.[/li][li]I am a mooch.[/li][li]I am a lazy bum.[/li][li]I just might be “a 250 pound child”[/li][li]I am irresponsible.[/li][li]I am not stable.[/li][li]I cannot care for myself.[/li][li]I am a loser.[/li][/ul]
Or at least these are the things people would just go ahead and assume about me based on very little information.
You know what? Fuck it. Just go ahead and close this goddamn thread because it’s making me feel like a pile of shit.
I’m doing all of those things. I only said so half a dozen times in this thread.
Closed at the request of the OP.