Once every week or two I cook and have a few people over – one is my nephew who lives next door. The past few times he has brought his new girlfriend; nice girl, however … she is a cell phone addict … doing, at the dinner table, whatever it is those people do on their phones.
The first time I said flat out “I think it is really rude to use a cell phone at the dinner table.” The second time I said “I think I’m gonna put a sign on the door saying ‘Cell phone free zone.” The third time she waited til everybody had finished eating before whipping out the phone and I just left the table.
I don’t want to alienate my favorite nephew but when I spend three days fixing a brisket it really rubs me the wrong way for a guest to twiddle her phone while chowing down.
WTF? Is this not a rude thing? Do people really accept this?
What do you or would you do? Are cell phone jammers legal to use in your own home?
I think its just how it is nowadays. I was in a restuarant the other day and nearly everyone in there had a cell phone out. I don’t like it at my table either, but I don’t think you can really do much about it, short of not inviting them. Have you discussed it with your nephew?
Restaurants are a different beast. You are not being welcomed into their home, you are a paying guest.
Now, etiquette at the table may be different. If I am paying, then I may not appreciate people using their phones. If everyone is paying their own way, or if the person paying doesnt’ care, then whatever.
But I do agree with the OP. If you have invited someone to join you for supper, they can put their phone away for half hour or so.
Maybe I’m just old (nearly 40), but I remember a day when we din’t have phones surgically attached to our bodies. They were instead connected to walls. Cordless phones were a pretty novel concept at the time.
At that time, when people called during dinner, we would say, “We are eating dinner, not answering the phone.” Making a (non-emergency) call during dinner wouldn’t have even been thought of.
I concur, leave her out of any invitations, and be explicit about it. And, if he can’t live without her at the table, then you can live without him being there. That is blunt, but effective.
I do think one more attempt is warranted, but you need to ask for exactly what you want to happen.
Before dinner starts, take her aside and directly ask her to leave her phone in her purse until dinner is over. Say it directly and explicitly, that you prefer to not have phones are your table. Be kind, but not apologetic.
After that, if she doesn’t agree to abide by your wishes, you have to decide if this is worth not inviting her to future dinners.
I would ask the person pointedly if they were dealing with a sudden emergency. If that didn’t clue them in that they were being rude and inconsiderate, I would help them reach that understanding.
Although what would be in the back of my mind is a Dilbert cartoon where some jerk comes into a meeting and says, “Look what my cell phone can do!”. To which Alice replies, very appropriately, “Look what my hammer can do!”
There’s an Aussie show called Wonderland that focuses on a group of friends who get together weekly for an event they call “Fat Night” where they take it in turns to cook for the group. First thing that happens as each person walks in the door is that a big jar is passed and they’re expected to drop their cell phone in. No phone during the evening is the rule. Seems like an excellent way to handle it–all phones in the jar or fuck off and go home. Worth a try, and since it’s a global rule, you’re not being rude by singling out the chief offender.
I would back either one of these. You may not be able to control someone’s behavior when it aggravates you, but you can avoid having that person in your home (as long as they don’t already live there, then you’re screwed).
