Does anyone know of any web pages with tasteless limericks? I haven’t heard many, and I feel deprived.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.
No links but a couple of good books:
“Asimov Laughs Again: More Than 700 Favorite Jokes, Limericks, and Anecdotes”, Isaac Asimov, ISBN: 0060924489.
“Limericks: Too Gross/or Two Dozen Dirty Dozen Stanzas”, Isaac Asmov, ISBN: 0393045307.
Quoted from, The Limerick, edited by G. Legman:
Nyphomaniacal Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And her asshole in Buckingham Palace.
There was a young man of Bombay
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay,
But the heat of his prick
Turned it into a brick,
And chafed all his foreskin away.
1700 of them.
A woman needs four animals in her life: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
—Zsa Zsa Gabor
My favorite, naturaly:
There was a young man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave,
She smelled just like shit,
And was missing a tit,
But think of the money he’ll save!
Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it.
Dave, you sick puppy.
There was a young man from Kent,
Whos’ dick was so long that it bent.
So to save himself trouble,
He put it in double,
And instead of coming, he went.
There was a plumber named lee,
who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
she said “stop your plumbing,
there’s somebody coming”.
Said the plumber still plumbing “it’s me!”
VB
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
All right, How many dirty versions of this limerick do you know? This is the clean version:
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter named Nan,
Ran off with a man.
And as for the bucket they took it.
There once was a man from Nantucket
with a dick so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
as he wiped off his chin,
“If my ear was a pussy, I’d fuck it!”
One of my favorites:
There was a young couple named Kelly
Who lived their lives belly to belly
Because in their haste
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.
You see,
the limerick is furtive and mean.
You must keep her in close quarantine,
else she sinks to the slums
and promptly becomes
disorderly, drunk, and obscene.
The modern cinematic emporium,
Is not just a simple sensorium,
But a highly effectual,
heterosexual,
Mutual masturbatorium.
(Published in Playboy shortly after the last Ice Age.)
JB
Lex Non Favet Delicatorum Votis
There once was a boy from Alas
Whose balls were constructed of brass
When he clanked them together
They played Stormy Weather
And lightning came out of his ass
Teacher, my red crayon tastes funny – Ralph Wiggum
Here’s a sample from this"]http://loogy.com/mainhumor/dirty/dlimericks.shtml]this page.
The naughty old bishop of Birmingham
buggered two boys whilst confirming 'em
as the knelt before god
he pulled out his rod
and pumped his Episcopal sperm in 'em.
Here’s another page with alphabetical links to hundreds of limericks.
Here’s the homepage to the (yes, this is true) limerick special interest group of MENSA."]http://www.limericks.org/pentatette/reply.html]MENSA.
UBB foils me again. And the damned flood control.
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who’s dick was so long he could suck it,
He ran down the street,
Dragging his meat,
He carried his balls a in bucket
There you go 
“…the dark side of the mirror always threw our malice back…”
This is the funniest damn thing i’ve heard in a long time! Now if you’ll excuse me, i’ve got some answering machines to leave this little gem on… 
“…the dark side of the mirror always threw our malice back…”
Why, thank you, VB. 
If you think that’s bad, how about this gem?
There was a young man from Rangoon,
Who was born nine months too soon.
He had not the luck,
To be born of a fuck,
He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon.
Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it.
There once was a lady named Dot
Who lived off of pig shit and snot
When she ran out of these
She ate the green cheese
That she grew on the sides of her twat
The nastiest by far!!!
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.
An amorous sailor of Brighton
Said to his girl, “You’re a tight one!”
She said, “'pon my soul,
You’re in the wrong hole,
And there’s plenty of room in the right one!”
There once was a lass from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass.
It was not what you think,
Soft and rounded and pink,
But was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.
Dr. J
“Seriously, baby, I can prescribe anything I want!” -Dr. Nick Riviera
Not dirty, but I know this crowd’ll appreciate it:
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Is nine squared plus zero, no more.
Help me out with the one I can never remember, from the movie The Magic Christian:
There was a young lady from Exeter
And all the young men threw their sex at her
and then “nude” is rhymed with “rude”.