Disclaimers on TV

I know we’ve had quite a few “commercials” threads here, but this one is a little more specific. Evidently, corporations have become so worried about lawsuits, that they are compelled to insert disclamiers about everything that should be obvious to sane individuals. A few recent ones:

VISA commercial in which a young pregnant couple searches for the exact right shade of orange paint. We think it’s for the nursery, but no, they’re going to the football game!
Disclaimer – Do not paint face with house paint.
No kidding.

Car commercial (Oberon? something like that) in which the car plays the role of the shark in Jaws, driving atop the ocean and eventually diving underwater to go under a boat.
Disclaimer – Professional stunt driver on closed track. Do not try this at home.
Do we need to be told this?

In the same vein:
A young executive walks through the neighborhood on the way home from work, and sees some kids playing on a Slip N Slide in the yard. He tosses his briefcase away and joins them in the fun.
Disclaimer – Slip N Slide designed for children only. Use by teenagers or adults may result in serious injury…
What? What possible injury can a 13 year old sustain sliding on piece of wet plastic on the lawn that a 10 year old would be able to avoid? I didn’t get that one…

There’s small print on almost every commercial. A lot of it is pretty funny…

My favorite one recently is a car commercial where the car drives off a stage into a mosh pit and body surfs with the help of the moshers.

The disclaimers said: drive only on roads. Do not drive on people.

The slip-and-slide thing is, unfortunately, probably necessary. Kids are a lot more light and flexible than grown ups. I’ve read a couple of cases of adults trying to recapture that slip-and-slide experience and breaking their necks.

The Slip ‘n’ Slide disclaimer was added to the commercial in response to a lawsuit by someone who did indeed break some bones while using one of those things. See http://www.boxerlaw.com/bg02004a.htm , a little press release from the law firm that represented the plaintiff.


The categories are Authors, Chaos Vs. Superstring, and Rub-a-dub.

A disclaimer I saw a few years back was some sterno-like fuel:

Do not use near fire or flame.


VB

TANSTAAFL!