SHALL WE PLAY A GAME?
I still have my 70s copy of that game - spin the dial of death!!
You forgot 43-man squamish!
Alas, “Unintentional Sinker” wasn’t a pitching choice, so I had to go with Other.
I don’t think anyone really wants to see a legit ceremonial pitch, so I went with other (Eephus).
I played that all the time in the late 80s with my TT-RPG / Board Game group, and the spinner was always the most fun part. House rule was any week we played GTNW the next week we had to play Gammarauders. 
That’s the only one I’m capable of.
Exactly my thought.
The only way to win though is not to play.
HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF CHESS?
Some of the sub-games from Piers Anthony’s Apprentice Adept series would be fun
I concur!
My goal for a ceremonial first pitch would simply be to get it over the plate on the fly.
Going with the hypothetical that I actually know how to throw all of those pitches, the fastball would be least likely to go awry, and thus my choice.
We played that fairly often, it is silly but a really unbalanced game, Which I guess was the point.
I know that isn’t going to happen with me. I’d settle for getting it between the batters boxes on only one bounce.
I think the whole medal count thing with the Olympics is just to stroke our (USA) delicate ego. With the largest contingent of athletes at the games, of course we are going to have a huge medal tally, and in all likelihood will get more than anyone else. It’s not like every nation sent 592 athletes to the games - then, sure, it would be a fair comparison. Maybe medals as a % of the number of athletes sent by country would be better? In that case about 20% of our Olympic team earned a medal - not sure how that compares to other nations.
Another slice is Olympic medals by country per capita (USA is in the middle of the pack at number 47). But, this look wont generate the whole “USA, USA, USA!!” thing.
Yes, but at least the USA doesnt cheat like China, etc. All I want is to see the Free World win.
Um, what counts as “facial hair”?
These days I grow enough of it to look odd on a woman, but not nearly enough to produce an actual beard.
I don’t have a barber deal with it, but I don’t know whether it counts.
Maybe electrolysis counts…
I don’t have that done, either. I use an epilator at home; somewhat irregularly.