The only way it would work for me would be if he was a Mafia Magician.
The kind that makes witnesses disappear?
And thus the Seventh Seal is broken…
His whole act is cotroversial. He does a lot of “gross-out” material…
He cuts her in half length-wise. She rolls over and pours stage blood and tampons through a trap door. It’s disgusting.
He does another one called: “Watch me pull a goddamn prickly pear out of my shorts” which is exactly like it sounds, but the prickly pear is foam. And it doesn’t hurt. Just another excuse to use the stage blood.
And instead of “Abra-cadabra,” he says “Chicken and pickles.”
I don’t get it.
When I was just out of college, I did a lot of temping. One memorable job was filling in for a lady on maternity leave.
I wonder where you get temps for the position of Lovely Assistant? What are the agencies that hire for that? Heck, where do you GET a job like that in the first place?
You’re Mindfreak’s uncle?
Right, but one can assume in any act there are also the people running around the back moving sets, make-up people, costume people, people that are on the stage but are less central, other assistants that play central roles in other parts of the act–if all that’s going on, you’d think they could at least try to find a way to juggle things.
Googling for the phrase “chicken and pickles” results in nearly 8,000 hits.
Wow, that’s pretty magical.
How many of those are related to odd food cravings experienced by pregnant women?
Maybe this is a subtle clue that the OP is the pregnant assistant! Ta-DA!
He originally used “chicken and waffles,” but decided that was too “ethnic.”
Here’s me wondering if the OP is conflating two different (but connected) conversations.
The OP seems to be thinking the nephew is the father of the baby.
Which means that it’s not a big stretch for the following conversation to have taken place:
Lovely Assistant: Guess what? I’m pregnant, and you’re the father!
Magician Nephew: Holy crap! I don’t want to be the father! I don’t suppose you’d consider terminating the pregnancy (which was certainly not in my plans)?
LA: How could you suggest such a thing? I’m against abortion!
<long argument swirling around an unplanned pregnancy with one partner who wants to be a parent and one partner who doesn’t tactfully omitted>
MN: Well, damn. I guess I’ll have to get a new assistant, too. You can’t possibly do the act pregnant. You won’t fit and it’d be weird and chances are good you won’t be physically able to do your part of the act anyway.
It’s an entirely different matter for the putative father of the baby to suggest a termination than it is for an employer to demand it. I don’t even think it’s wrong for an unwilling father to make that suggestion - it’s his life, too.
However, this is one of those golden examples about why it’s a bad idea to schtupp one’s employees.
Do pregnant women who are still considering whether or not to abort in the habit of announcing their pregnancies? And wouldn’t she, as an assistant, know how difficult her job would be with a big baby bump? Something does not mesh.
Comedy fucking gold. This is the funniest post of the year.
If you are, can you slap him a couple of times for me, Dan? I just hate that pompous little ass.
And saws people in half.
People named Lefty.
Or Muggsy.
Or Gootch.
Just talked to my sister… the assistant agreed to an abortion. Problem solved. What a terrible, terrible set of cicumstances.
:rolleyes:
I remember when trolls used to try harder. Sigh.
From some of the reactions in this thread, the required level of effort isn’t really all that high.
Sorry guys. They have me working three (3) different forums right now. And my boss is breathing down my neck.
Also?? I have to give a presentation in a few hours and Powerpoint keeps giving me a fatal exception error which means I’m gonna have to use an overhead projector and transparencies and magic markers and… Last time I did that, the jerks in Frustration Research made “dick” shadows on my “They Took The Bait, Now Roll With It!” slide.
So any feedback or CONSTRUCTIVE criticism would really help me out at this point because I’m super stressed out and it’s getting harder to think straight. Thanks in advance