What about just Disney’s Exodus? Goofy as Moses, Mickey Mouse as Aaron, Donald Duck as Pharoh, etc.
I just imagined Porky Pig as Herod, being presented with the head of Mickey Mouse as John the Baptist (also with X’ed out eyes and lolling tongue).
Walt Disney’s Eraserhead
Un Chien Pluto
Disney’s American Psycho
Of course Donald was already Noah. But you all knew that, right?
Last night I had “Disney’s Birth of a Nation” with a nice description but the small nagging feeling that maybe this was going too far when I made up the song. So I’ll leave it as just a suggestion.
** Mickey would be Jesus, of course. Goofy gets to be Moses, and Donald gets to be Noah.**
I don’t see that at all. I see Jesus as a musclebound hero ala Hercules or Tarzan and voiced by Jonathan Taylor Thomas. God of course is a bearded old white man voiced by James Earl Jones, Robin Williams is Satan (“Command these stones turn to bread… specifically, really flakey croissants with a bit of cherry marmalade on the side… no? Is that your final answer?”), Britney Spears is Jesus’s girlfriend Mary Magdalene (one of the highlights is when they sail over Jerusalem on a centaur singing “You’re gonna love my Dad!”), Harvey Feirstein is Judas Iscariot (in keeping with the “cast an actual ethnic as a villain”— “I just wanna deliver up the Son of Man to attain his destiny! Is that so wro-ong!”), Roberto Benigni is Pontius Pilate (he was Italian after all), Jon Lovitz is Herod the Great (“then bring the baby to me… so that I can worship him… yeah, that’s the ticket… worship him!”), Billy Bob Thornton is John the Baptist (“mmmm… I love them locusts and mustard!”), and Angela Lansbury is the Virgin Mary, who early in the movie has to explain to her baby why he only gets one present for both Christmas and his birthday.
In the end, Jesus wins the big race, gets off the cross with the help of his friend Beniah the Bluejay, wins the girl, and brings peace to the Middle East with his song.
OTOH, who would you cast in a MUPPETS PASSION PLAY?
**4. Walt Disney’s Equus
Test audiences agreed that Edward Norton as Alan and Tom Hanks as Dysart are just hilarious in this animated version of Peter Shaffer’s play about insanity, societal conformity, the nature of sexuality, and grotesque animal abuse. Sting pens the movie’s hit song “Who Needs Horses, Anyway?”**
Robin Williams plays EQUUS of course, crying “Ohhhhh Wilbur!” as his eyes are put out. Since Alan sang commercial jingles, the possibilities for product placement are endless.
I see Anthony Hopkins, who played the role on Broadway, as Dysart, only it’s Anthony as Hannibal as Dysart.
“Disney’s Last Tango in Paris”
Walt Disney presents THE PAINTED BIRD.
An adorable little orphan boy (Haley Joel Osment) must make his way through wartime Poland while Nazis (Christopher Lloyd, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, & Ruth Buzzi) chase him and bestiality practicing farmers (Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie), drunken shepherds with prostitute girlfriends (Bruce Willis as Dean Martin and Shirley MacLaine), an anti-semitic butcher (Don Rickles), a talking chimp (Ben Stiller), and a gay genie (Robin Williams) all try to help him. In the end he learns the meaning of friendship and derails a train with a mute friend (Marlee Matlin).
These are addictive, but sadly possible.
DISNEY presents Sam Shepard’s “Buried Child”
DISNEY presents “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee” (Sean Hayes as Sitting Bull, Robin Williams as Custer, and Patrick Swayze as Ghost Dancer)
DISNEY presents “The Diary of Anne Frank” (starring Demi Moore with Nathan Lane as pet chipmunk Harry, Jackie Chan as Ho Chi Minh, and Professor Irwin Corey as Hitler). In the improved happy ending, the entire world moves into Anne’s attic, even Hitler once he apologizes.
DISNEY presents BENT (Sean Hayes and Eric McCormack must outrun the Nazis and then figure out how to carry on a relationship in a concentration camp; Greg Kinnear appears as Bob Crane as Col. Hogan)
DISNEY presents ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST (Robin Williams supplies every voice but Nurse Cratchit, who is performed by Cher).
We don’t really need to see sequels to Snow White, Pinocchio, Cinderella, Hunchback, or Sleeping Beauty, do we?
Walt Disney’s The Diary of Anne Frank -
A heartwarming story about a girl who survives the concentration camps.
ouch. apologies to the spirit of Anne Frank and anyone else who needs them… ordinarily I don’t do Nazi humor. I’m afraid I actually can imagine Disney disnifying Anne Frank’s story like that, though…
No, but that wouldn’t the Mouse from pillaging his own stock.
Disney presents Deep Throat!
Featuring the vocal talents of Ron Jeremy!
Walt Disney’s Lord of the Rings…I can just imagine Sauron’s musical number about covering the lands in darkness…cheeky, lovable gollum…elton john soundtrack…argh!
Walt Disney Presents The Catcher In The Rye
An animated movie with dogs playing the major roles.
According to an item in Esquire Magazine’s “Dubious Achievement” awards from a dozen years back, Disney proposed such a project. No record, however, of J.D. Salinger’s reaction to the project.
A couple of short ones:
Disney’s Electra, featuring Britney Spears’ hit remake of “My Heart Belongs to Daddy”.
Disney’s One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, starring Yakov Smirnov as a wisecracking bricklayer whose humor warms the hearts of an entire gulag!
Disney’s The Great Gatsby, with Uncle Scrooge as Gatsby, Donald Duck as Tom and of course Daisy Duck as Daisy.
Disney presents the animated classic The Crying Game.
Disney’s Trainspotting.