I can be real mean spirited towards fat people because my body wants to weigh 300 lbs but I eat correctly and keep it around 200. But that means I don’t eat fast food, severely restrict carbohydrate intake, keep fat low and salt so low I can no longer stand to eat at restaurants. And portion control! and Lite beer! I was raised on TexMex and unlimited desert! I love to eat!
And I’m disabled but have never admitted it, never been on disability, I work outdoors in a simple physically demanding low paying job and I get so fucking irritated with people who take the 1st easy out they get!
But I have this client, this woman, I did some work for her yesterday, she weighs 300+, has diabetes and emphysema, can barely walk across the room let alone work. And she takes care of her mom who I’ve never seen much more than comatose on a day bed in front of the TV, what a mess. And she has a son, he’s a really cool kid but has Down’s syndrome, when you connect with someone with Down’s it’s like they’re a little different but there’s really nothing wrong, but Jay is 16 and also mobility impaired, he gets around just barely with a walker.
My empathy has always been strong, my compassion weak. What if I become a compassionate soul someday (maybe I already have?) and love them with perfect Buddha compassion? Will the world ever be healed?
Meanwhile, I just gotta start being nicer to people…
I must confess that I don’t have a lot of compassion for obese adults. It really burns my soul when I see obese adults with obese kids trailing them. To me that’s child abuse. Every parent has an obligation to feed their kids properly and see that they get lots of physical activity—real old-fashioned outdoor play, you know, running and jumping, the things normal kids should do to build muscle and burn calories.
Disabled, a whole different story. We all have a societal obligation to help the weakest members of our society and be courteous and respectful about it. They don’t want our pity, just an even chance at things.
While we are on the subject, do you have a lot of trouble with people parking in handicapped spaces when they aren’t displaying a handicapped sticker? In my town, most are pretty courteous.
I like to diss people who think that dissing obese people is okay. Especially when they do not know the obese person’s situation.
I have a friend who is very obese, but is also missing a leg. Should I have compassion for one and disgust for the other? Especially as one is a partial cause for the other?
I have another friend who is obese and has Down’s. A lot of people with Down’s are also obese. Is this a similar situation?
I’ll let you in on a secret. I used to feel that way about obesity. Now, surprise, I’m overweight and having a great deal of trouble trying to lose it. It hurts to have the shoe on the other foot so now I just shut up and hope the same thing doesn’t happen to thoughtful others. The mean ones though? Maybe we’ve got it coming to us.
Given the fact that he says he’s never admitted his disability, it seems unlikely that he has a legal placard/plate and parks himself in handicapped parking. But that’s just my read, I could obviously be wrong.
As far as people in your town being “courteous” (for the most part) and not abusing handicapped parking, let me ask you: are you yourself disabled? ETA: I’ll just wait for your reply rather than potentially stick my foot in my mouth.
I live in the London suburbs, and it’s only occasionally I see someone parked in a disabled bay without a badge. What I do see, is people who put up a badge, then practically skip out and away. Bastards!
Now the badges have a photo of the owner on the back, the wardens can ask you to match your picture, then they catch you.
In the council car parks, there sometimes is a useful number to call. I will grass on bay stealers, you better be in our shitty club if you want our parking.
If you’re able to work a physically demanding job with no accommodations, I have to think you’re NOT what most people would consider disabled.
People need to get over themselves in my opinion. Thinking you can tell if someone is disabled by looking at them is beyond silly.
It reminds me of people making jokes about a ‘miracle’, in aisle three because someone in a wheelchair was able to stand and reach something off a shelf. Seriously? Your imagination is so dim you cannot fathom someone unable to walk to or around the mall, hence using a wheelchair, but could stand for a few moments unassisted? Really?
Less judgey, more lovey, people!
I know there is a lot of abuse of them, but I have to point out that ‘owner of the badge’/= driver. I worked as an assistant for a disabled lady for a while, and dropping off or picking up the badge holder is also a perfectly legitimate use of the badge and space.
I didn’t ever get questioned, but I did get a few dirty looks when pulling into a space, putting the badge up then walking out, because of course no-one knew my boss was round the corner waiting for me.
Er… WTF?
Maybe you aren’t aware of the fact, but not every disabled person qualified for “disability”. That’s intended for people unable to work, which is a different matter than being disabled. The two groups do overlap, but not completely.
Nor is it an “easy out” in the US - most people get denied initially and have to go through YEARS of crap to get disability payments, they often go bankrupt in the meanwhile. I wouldn’t call that “easy”.
Right. She’s too disabled to work. Hence, she gets disability, is that really that hard to figure out?
Which came first, the emphysema or the obesity? Because, no matter how skinny or fit you are, when your lungs quit working properly you won’t be able to exercise much.
You don’t know why the mom is in that situation, do you? Maybe she had a stroke, or she has severe heart disease or something and is no longer capable of doing much else.
Bullshit “there’s really nothing wrong”, he’s got Down’s and he’s mobility impaired. Again, WTF?
Bullshit. You are not empathic at all. You are judgmental as all get out.
“Disabled and never admitted it”? Again, WTF? If it impairs you that little, whatever it is, I question whether or not it’s a disability.
n/m
I am a physically weak person. It doesn’t matter how active I am or how many 5 lb weights I lift with, I just can’t seem to get strong. I’m like a floppy ragdoll. I do not know why I’m like this.
It doesn’t bother me, though, because I know I am not a weak person. I may be a floppy ragdoll on the outside, but I’m pretty strong inside. I do not know why I’m like this either. It’s just how I am.
There are people who are like me, but in the reverse. Subject us to the same stress and they will crumble while I don’t even bat an eye. But they can move heavy furniture that would kill me.
Neither of us are the way we are because we want to be. Neither of us are bad people just because we are weaklings in some shape or form.
Remembering this keeps me from judging people too hard.
One thing that gets on my tits, is when people assume that others are disabled/sick because they are fat, when in fact they may well be fat because they are sick/disabled.
If you aren’t someone’s healthcare provider, you don’t know the situation and should check your assumptions at home.
Just to be sure I’m tracking the situation here, you are asking whether you should have compassion for the missing leg and disgust for the remaining, obese leg?
I am asking slowlearner where my compassion should lie or not. My friend lost his leg in a racing accident. His obesity is very much a result of his long, slow recovery with the usual grief and denial, too much food and beer, and not much activity as he had other parts injured as well. Do I have compassion for his injury or disgust that he couldn’t keep together enough in his grief and boredom to not eat?
It was very much a tongue in cheek question.
I stopped reading there because thats where the nonsense began.
BTW- Just a couple posts back from this same poster? This gem:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=17484898#post2
Credibility? Lost. Not sure what you kept yourself full of for those 2-3 weeks, but if your toothbrush has maggots, corn, and peanuts, none of us would be surprised.
If a bolt was driven through your brain in a horrible DIY-gone-wrong home improvement accident… and 3 doctors said your brain was just too damaged to save your frontal lobe, but you never used Luminosity… where should his compassion lie?
“Thats a horrible waste of a damn-fine ten-penny nail…”
I wish this thread were in the Pit, so that I can say what I really want it to say.
As others have stated, you have no clue what others have gone through to arrive at where they’re at, nor do you know what they’re doing, if anything, to lose weight.
If you were to see me, you’d consider me one of these fat, disgusting people you so despise. What you wouldn’t know from looking at me is that I hit the gym 6 times a week. You would have no clue that I push myself every day there, and that I can match a lot of the average people there step for step, move for move. Some of them I can even out perform.
What you also couldn’t tell about me is that I eat healthy. I rarely have fast food, sweets, or sodas. I avoid carbs and eat lots of veggies and salads. (No dressings, can’t stand them.) Nor would you be able to tell that I drink enough water in day to give most people water toxicity.
You also wouldn’t be able to tell that for 9 years I suffered from seizures that were triggered by heat intolerance, which made exercise dangerous. I didn’t get the flashy fall down, muscle twitching seizures. I got the ones that pretty much shut my brain down and left me a drooling zombie for a few minutes.
Once I got those under control, I started back exercising so that I could get back to the body I used to have. As I’ve stated up above, I’ve been hitting the gym 6 days a week, an hour minimum each day pushing myself beyond my limits, since March. I’ve lost all of 10 lbs in that time.
So until you have a person’s history on the way they are the way they are, get off your fucking high horse, and stop being so damned judgmental.
Hmm, should my compassion lie with people who don’t read my entire posts? I suppose so, because I am often guilty of the same thing. Count Blucher, I did clarify that my question was tongue in cheek.
Now who said people with a frontal lobotomy can’t spend all day with their tongue in their cheek? :rolleyes:
It’s okay. I don’t give a flying fuck whether you respect me or not. I have a big belly but I get lots of respect from the people who actually know me and don’t judge me by what a scale says.
Thank you for this. As someone who is disabled for mental health reasons (bipolar/depression plus ADD and anxiety) I appreciate that there are people like you out there who are capable of being understanding. 
If you speak to me in passing I may not seem disabled; my most obvious health problem is obesity (for which I am not on disability). I am intelligent and empathetic and can carry on a good conversation. I went to college and have lots of hobbies and interests.
At home however or among close friends/family is when I tend to dissolve.
So, my disability is not necessarily a “visible” one, which is hard for people to grasp at times.