Disturbing Search Requests

I stumbled on this site earlier tonight. I thought I might share.

As far as I can tell, these are requests submitted to search engines that webmasters have found funny and decided to post.

The ‘How to be a Pimp’ got a chuckle out of me, along with how to ‘build a flamethrower’ search engine requests.


tang twang fuck suck

I just know I can turn this into a song…


“brady sex florence henderson mullet fuck”
truly bizzar!!

Here are some I found one day


And I have a program that keeps track of the search terms that people have used that led them to my site… http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid=845751 … some are very odd. Makes you wonder how they got MY site from them… like… “gerbil explosion” or “cycle sluts from hell” ?!?

“What is Clitoris?” A magical thing you’ll probably never find.

I laughed so hard I almost peed! Thanks for the giggle fest, Opal!


“cheese eating surrender monkeys”

That is truly desperate, trying to intimidate a monkey while it’s eating.

I’m fond of “Nude Guys and Dolls”–just like my high school did it! Luck be a Lady tonight!

If you like this kind of stuff, you may want to check out Metaspy which displays what Metacrawler users are searching for in realtime. If you’re drunk or stoned, Metaspy can provide hours of quality entertainment! Honestly, some of this stuff is just too bizarre to comprehend.

Let’s try that link again. The truly disturbing thing about watching Metaspy is the staggering number of perverts searching for kiddie porn. Creeps me out.

Dammit now I am sitting here staring at the Metaspy. Thank you for destroying what little free time I had.
“Jesus says it’s law love” Just flashed by. WTF?

“ichy iktestus” Huh?

“red fuzzy jumping things” Oh fer…I clicked that one…

“how college works” Ferget it, kid.

and loads of people that do searches like this one…“SEAL-MAR.COM” Why not just type that in the address field? Morons.

“Urgency addictions” Better hurry up and get that taken care of. Oh wait…

“glove and special sauce” I don’t wanna know…

“grand theft auto maps” To do? Or stats?
“Genital Wart Pictures” For the love of the Gods, WHY?!?
ENOUGH! I must stop now! Arrrrgghhh

Gee, thanks, neutron. I already knew the site, but had forgotten about it. A quick selection?

“Normal naked people”. Hell yeah. Enough of them purple nekkid midgets already!

“nad receiver”. Don’t snicker, kids. NAD is a hi-fi brand :slight_smile:

“gay japanese men”. Sayonara, dahling.

“amatuers”. Probably links to the Amatuer Speeling Soceity.

“buffy willow Dawn nipples”. Buffy in the morning, staring at a tree’s breasts?

“animal sex with lady”. Must be a dog willing to expand the horizons.

“40 year old women”. Picky, eh?

“redhead fetish free”. Get yer free Redhead Fetish, right here at the Straight Dope!

“hotels india”. Hoo yeah, that oughta narrow it down, pal!

“free dog sex”. Funny. All the bitches I encounter charge :smiley:

“hardware”. ‘We’re sorry, MetaCrawler found no hits for your search arguments’.

“I want to be loved and needed to give you all the love”. I kiss you too.

“locker sex”. Isn’t that a bit small for sex?

“CHICKEN LICKEN”. Dontwannano. Dontwannano. Dontwannano.

“time line therapy”. ‘Relax John. Noon is before one o’clock. Breathe’.

““Queer as folk” canada”. Hey look, it’s Matt :wink:

“sexually transmitted diseases penis pictures”. Jack? Is that you?

“beastiality”. The scary thing is that that actually might give some hits as well.

“penis problems”. Jack, knock it off :wink:
Very addictive indeed!

On Metaspy just now:

“My tea has gone cold.”

Um… ok…

“Amphetamine recipe”

But I’m sure it’s for research purposes only!

“Making peanut butter balls”

Tee hee…

“Fuck mpeg”

Ah, porn.

And finally, my favorite: “Life.”

I’m wasting time too. I don’t have any time to waste today, but here I am looking at Metaspy.

“Knee Injury Symptoms” Um, pain? A limp? Knee won’t hold you up? Call a dr. for goodness sakes!

“chocolate/nutrition” Ah-ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…Yeah, I wish it was a food group, too.

“Whackaholics” :confused:

“samba windows password” Again, I don’t know.

“Costner’s dick pic” ROFL :slight_smile:

“manga sex” I lead a really sheltered life. I have no idea.

I have to stop now.

humor in powerpoint presentations
free sample cock-- desperate, aren’t we?
egg eating snake-- why?
“quantum bigfoot”
new age assasins squad-- i wanna join!
laser college-- as opposed to phaser college?
teen panty stories
free blowjob
life-- the meaning is 42
ghost mail-- even the dead get junk mail
“the nervous dog”-- keep him away from the furniture, and we’ll be fine

Honest to Satan, these all were next to each other as I watched them scroll by. And I missed a couple of other good ones because I wasn’t fast enough with the cut and paste.
“adopt a monkey” and “napster”
Oh, good, someone wants to give Mike, Peter, Mickey, and Davey a home.

“armenian genocide” and “diesel exhaust”

“squid proxy” and “cartoon kids at christmas”
Sponge Bob Square Pant’s Christmas Special?

“edgar bergan and charlie mccarthy show” and “developmental psychology”
Or, why Buffalo Bob always had his hand inside Howdy Doody’s clothes.

“Classic Winnie Pooh” and “fiber fake fur”
Learn taxodermy without all that icky, bloody, messy stuff!
Must… stop… looking!

I’m gonna tell you anyway.

I’d be willing to bet that this person is interested in a little musical trio from Philadelphia called G. Love & Special Sauce.

They’re pretty snappy.

“Faithhillnude” Hrm… even if said pictures exist, I’m sure the posters understand the use of spaces.

“metacrawler” You’re there! You’re at metacrawler!!! <screams>

“pain in right arm” Because, of course, few doctors pay any attention to the left arm.

“free blowjob movies” Well, at least he knows what he’s looking for.

“postdoc ‘fellowship opportunities’” “I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse…”

“pig houses” Hmm. Hmmmmmmmm.

“Boobs” Succinct, at least.

“DBMS” Obviously, looking to come post messages here, but dyslexic.

“al’s party” Well, that one just takes the cake. I mean… even assuming details about Al’s party were posted on the internet… even assuming Al had added enough <meta keyword> tags to get himself to the first few pages…

Which Al is it, dumbass???

OK. Off to work now :slight_smile:


“Free BDSM web page tools” interested me, if only because BDSM is an anagram of SDMB.

Teddy bear clip art
Tiny teen tits
Powerpoint presentations
— Do these three go together?

Masturbation stoties.
— This one has me almost sobbing into my keyboard with laughter as I imagine a Geordie bloke jazzing off into a large stottie cake.

Here are some of my favorites from just 10 minutes of watching at Metaspy[ul][]vacuum pencils - I can think of no way these words belong together.[]werewolf gnosis fetish sorcerer - ditto, plus a huh?[]prisioners(sic)** stupid bullshit** - I don’t just want bullshit, I want stupid bullshit, from prisoners.[]www.ebay.com - uhhh,new to the net?[]jjjjjjj - someone’s fallen asleep on their keyboard again[]leroy consultant - in case your name is leroy and you need to consult with someone about it.[]labor contractions - Get off the net and into a hospital![]search engine - It’s going to be a looong day for you, buddy[]weird sick grannie porn - At least you know you’re weird and sick[]** HIV/AIDS, games** - Life and death is not a game.[/ul]