It’s good that you are getting a lawyer. Be sure that she has her own lawyer.
The lawyers prepare the separation agreement and divorce paperwork. The money is held in trust by one or other of the lawyers until the documents are signed by both parties and received by both lawyers, at which time the funds are released to the recipient. Flaming shit rains down on a lawyer who violates a trust condition.
This nonsense of running about under arbitrary deadlines with cash between USA and Columbia is what grade B movies are made of.
I’m not a lawyer, and we don’t know the state you’re in, but it’s possible that if you file for divorce, it could be granted by default, unless she shells out the international legal fees to respond, which seems unlikely since she’s so desperate for money. (I assume there wouldn’t be much in the way of community property, either.) By leaving the country, she not only has abandoned her pending immigration benefits, but also maybe some legal rights. I’d very curious to know what your lawyer says.
I’m no lawyer obviously, but this is my understanding of things. I’m in New Jersey for what it’s worth. The fact that she left means that I could potentially file for divorce with cause for abandonment. I don’t think her being in Colombia is any different than California or Idaho, or the next town over for that matter. The only complication that her being in Colombia causes is that it is more difficult for me to legally serve her papers. Certified international mail is a bit wonky and it’s not so easy to contact a sheriff’s department to have papers served.
And honestly, I don’t think there is any need for any grounds beyond irreconcilable differences at this point. I’m fine with filing for a no fault divorce. I’m also not 100% my situation would qualify as abandonment. In NJ I think that requires 12 months of separation. She was back in NJ for 2 weeks last July, which I think would reset the calendar. So I’d have to wait until August to file on those grounds.
Oh, and for almost any grounds that I am filing under, I think she needs to be sent the court filings so that she can respond and/or defend herself if she chooses. Only if she doesn’t respond within the given time frame would the divorce be granted by default. (again I’m not a lawyer, what do I know)
For what it’s worth I’ll post here after I hear from a lawyer, unless their is some legal reason to keep it confidential.
No, not really. I forget if I mentioned it upthread, but her mother is legitimately ill and no one else in the family was stepping up to take care of her. Without that responsibility she would have stayed. And I think that even as of a few months ago, if I had put some pressure on her, that she might have agreed to the new visa application and moved back here some time next year.
Maybe we would have ended up in a divorce anyway, but her reason for going back was legitimate.
Is her mother dying? Is 10 months what she thinks she needs for support until her mother dies, then she can go back to work full time?
I hate for her mother death to be light at the end of the tunnel for you, but since she was the one who brought up divorce in the first place, I doubt she’ll hold out forever.
Her mother’s health is stable, though not great, and has been about the same for at least the last year, if not longer. While she could pass unexpectedly, there is no expectation that her death is imminent. Her mother needs help getting to appointments, keeping track of appointments and medicines, and general help around the house. This situation could last 6 months, 6 years, or maybe 16 years, who knows.