Divorce attracts men?

What is the deal with this? During my first divorce, my sister in law told me that as soon as a man heard I was getting a divorce he would come onto me.

OK. Thought I could handle that. But then I noticed that when some grizzled old man asked if I was divorced, and I sayd yes, he would offer his ‘services’ and seemed to think I would be grateful.

It was all I could do to keep from laughing or asking why on earth they’d think I’d want them.

So what is the deal with this? I did notice it was the older, married men who offered to ‘give sex, no questions asked’.

Should one be pleased at the assumption that one is desperate and must be saved from a sexless existence?

That wasn’t the case, but those ugly old men acted that way. I don’t mean just ugly, I mean fugly.

As a man, I can only speak for myself. :smiley: YEs, I know that was a contradictory sentence, we men are enigmas.

No seriously, I betcha those dudes were just trolling every pond for a few fish, if ya know what I am sayin.

Personally speaking…I dated a divorced girl once, and it was a complete disaster. Tons o’ baggage. Orlando International would have been jealous. I have strictly written divorced women off my list (no offense to present company of course).

There are two reasons why divorce might attract men.

The first reason, obviously, is that you’ve become available. If you’re fresh out of a divorce, you won’t have had enough time to get a new boyfriend yet. Ergo, there’s less chance of rejection if he asks you out than if he asks out Tanya, the cute receptionist who he’s never seen wearing a wedding ring and who is a knockout dresser but who nevertheless acts like a sorority girl sometimes and is probably out of his league, and whom he’s never gotten up the courage to ask out (not that I’m drawing an example from my own current situation here, noooooooo :wink: ).

The second reason is that being “divorced” means that you were willing to marry someone in the past and thus might be willing to marry again. Plus, if some other guy thought you were worth marrying, hey, you can’t be all bad, right?

yup. I’ve always wondered about men who used that kind of technique. I mean it just shows total lack of understanding of the other side of the equation. And yet, I have seen so many… I do not know what to think. Either they are complete self centered idiots who just have no idea or sometimes the technique does work. In any case I do not envy them.

As for divorced women, based solely on my experience, I do tend to agree with Avalongod. The ones I have dated had a ton of luggage and a very bad attitude for men. With that attitude why are they dating me? I think relationships have become pretty cynical in this country and people do not understand why they do not work out.

To answer your question: I think some men might think divorced women are easier for a quickie. Also they have probably a less serious long term interest in her so they don’t mind blowing it by being blunt or even rude.

On the other hand, never having been married myself and free of the usual baggage of children etc., I get the impression women take an interest in men in my situation, probably because they do not like dealing with that same bagagge.
And I know you didn’t ask but I’m telling you anyway because I was just on a date that made me think about it. The other most asked question by women “why didn’t he call me again?”

Ok, I’ll tell you why he didn’t call you. This is my recent experience:

I had been in touch with this woman I met on the internet and we had been talking of meeting. Finally we arranged it for today. I proposed we go to a local waterfront festival to see some sailships (an interest of mine). She says fine. We meet. First she is a bit uneasy about how to say hello. (Look it is your privilege to shake hands, nod, kiss or whatever. If you do not choose you are making an awkward situation.)

Ok, so we start driving and she says… “It’s too hot to be outdoors seeing ships, why don’t we go somewhere indoors, eat something and chat?” (Well, yes except that I invitied you to do this because this is what I wanted to do. If you didn’t want to do it you could have declined and I would have asked someone else) So I say Ok, let’s find a place to get a bite to eat. I propose a cafe sort of place but she doesn’t like it because she wants something quieter where we can “talk”. Finally we find a restaurant she likes where they are serving buffet and we eat and chat there. When the bill comes it is $50. She makes a very weak offer to help pay but I pick up the tab.

After some further conversation and pleasantries we part company.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is a pleasant woman, who seems to have some fine qualities in the sense that she is quite natural and honest and not a gold digger or anything. The only thing she is lacking is some basic knowledge about dealing with people in general and dates in particular. She is probably not aware and probably asking herself why guys don’t call her again.

Well, when you have been invited to do A you do not accept and then say you want to do B.
When you propose to do B, it is your invitation and you should pick up the check (the fact that I would insist on picking it up is irrelevant).
I also would have a comment about her table manners which were not as refined as I would have liked.

Anyway, here is a good woman who will not get a call from me just because no one taught her the basics of social manners. Someone would tell me to tell her these things openly but I do not believe I should be teaching manners to anybody over 18 who is not my child.

And now that I think about it, I missed the ships which would have been immensely more interesting and rewarding…

I think it’s the fact that women just out of a divorce want to nail anything in sight in order to (in their mind) get back at the ex–and guys know that.

So, it’s an easy leap to go with the “surer” thing.

I have absolutely no idea why men would converge upon a recently divorced woman. Quite literally, the idea had never occured to me.

It is an interesting puzzle, though. I have at times run across its mirror: why do women hit upon me afte rthey know I am married?

Now, I have never been mistaken for either a movie star or a millionaire, and I should also note that I have a highly refined sense of obliviousness to subtle signals from the opposite sex (ask my wife – she quite literally needed to jump me in a pool to get my attention. Doh). So, when I say hit on me I mean something far more noticeable than tossing the hair or batting the eyelashes. What are these people thinking? One of them (admitedly a bit inebriated, which I suppose might actually explain a lot) even started running her hand up my leg while we a group of us were siting in a club AND MY WIFE WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ME!

oops – got off an a rant, there. Sorry.

Lindsay, I guess the only insight I have into your question is that some people are inexplicably boorish and self-centered in matters of romance. Unfortunately, it seems to be a general trait of human beings. Fortunately, it is not universal. Next time one of these Cassanova’s approaches you I suggest telling him that you doubt he is equipped to provide anything you can’t manage better on your own. << insert quip of preference here

Silly people! Before marriage, a woman may hold the opinion that sex is fine and delightful within a committed relationship, but in short-term hedonistic flings that are about sex rather than long-term commitment, women get exploited.

Divorced women, presumably, have realized that in the context of a long-term committed relationship, women get exploited PLUS you have to listen to his snores and see the towels he leaves on the bathroom floor, whereas in short-term hedonistic flings, you can at least say ‘thanks for a good time’ and show him the door and then sit around in your underwear eating chocolate and you don’t have to deal with him any more!

:slight_smile:

Having been in this situation, I too found it strange and even irritating at the increase in advances after divorcing a husband of almost 12 years. In fact, I was especially amazed at the number of his friends that were both A) married and B) long term friends of my ex.

In my case anyway, I think there were some guys that felt bad for me, and others I think viewed me as someone still “safe” to have sex with if the divorce was recent, based on the assumption you were probably monogomous therefore not much of a health risk, and the main reason? I am amoung those that came with “baggage” in the form of children, though I never viewed them that way, because along with the baggage, also came a financially secure woman with a solid career, a home and a future that I was capable of paying for without child support or alimony. I
think that’s what created the interest from former close friends…there was a little baggage, but not enough to out way the good stuff.

There was this one woman I knew on-line who was a regular on a certain newsgroup. When she broke up with her husband 2 years ago, all sorts of on-line guys “descended” upon her … including me. (A different newsgroup regular beat me to her, though. Dog gone it.)

The reason? She was gorgeous, she was witty, and she was nice. And she’s been a regular to that newsgroup for over a year before she split from her hubbie. During that year-plus, half the guys on that newsgroup were thinking, “Gosh darn it, why’d she have to be married and unavailable?!” And then when she did become available, bam, ground zero of the Horny Guy Glut.

Well, thank you for the many answers. What puzzled me was the men who offered themselves were at least 30 years older than I, and all I could think was why would they think I’d want them.

My brother said when he and a co-worker go on business trips the guy takes his wedding ring off because there are girls who will hit on any man. So they would sit in the hotel bar and drink and be left alone.