When a man leaves his wife, he’s pond scum, whereas if a woman leaves her husband, she’s strong and heroic and escaping a toxic situation, and pretty much gets confetti thrown at her.
:rolleyes:
My issue with it is how everyone assumes this or that without knowing ANYTHING about what may have happened.
Sorry to hear about your wife leaving you.
I’m a straight woman who’s never been married.
This was prompted by a Facebook post from a woman who said, in effect, “My husband of 30 years left me in March. I am now divorced and moving on with my life” and ALL the posters are pretty much saying this. Maybe they’re right in this case, IDK, but it seems to be the case pretty much across the board nowadays.
I will say that several years ago, I was involved in a conversation with some elderly women who talked about how it used to be such a disgrace to be a divorced woman, and now it’s celebrated. I asked them, “How did society view divorced men?” and they all just kind of stared at each other until one of them said, “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone say that. I don’t remember that we had an opinion about them, or were supposed to.” :dubious:
Maybe a lot of folks make such assumption, but not all. When my husband’s ex left him (the day before their 7th anniversary) to be with his then-best friend, she wasn’t celebrated by anyone but her parents who were against the marriage from the start. And when my brother’s ex left him because she decided she missed being single, pretty much everyone who knew them as a couple thought she was out of her mind.
As has been said, all generalizations are wrong, including this one.
I would like to add that I have NEVER seen a middle-aged or elderly man totally ditch his wife for a much-younger woman. Maybe I lead a very sheltered life, but I just haven’t, not at all and certainly not in droves like some people think it happens. I have definitely known men who were divorced or widowed and later married someone significantly younger, or women who married an older man, but no, not this.
I do feel that a lot of this double standard may be from an interpretation (correctly or otherwise) than when a man leaves his wife, he’s leaving his children too.
I did get tired of having people ask me “what did you do to her” for the first year or so after my ex-wife filed for divorce. I don’t think people were meaning to blame me, but that’s how I interpreted it at the time… “you must have done something bad to her, or else she wouldn’t have left you.” In reality, it was probably just poor wording; they were usually aware that she had been cheating, and were probably just curious about my side of the equation. Still a bit rude, and i do wish people put more thought into how they word questions about topics which are personal/painful.
That said, I’ve seen the “so brave/escaping a bad situation/whatever” thing for both sides. In general, friends of one person involved is going to support that one person (even if they may privately feel that it’s a bad move). Is it so surprising that friends of the wife are supporting the wife, trying to help her feel better? Would you rather that her friends post something like “oh, sucks to be you!” or, worse yet, simply ignore her when she’s posting about a painful situation that she’s looking to put behind her? Chances are, the husband’s friends have said similar things to him, for similar reasons.
[QUOTE=nearwildheaven;16273975I asked them, “How did society view divorced men?” and they all just kind of stared at each other until one of them said, “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone say that. I don’t remember that we had an opinion about them, or were supposed to.” :dubious:[/QUOTE]
It was used against Adlai Stevenson when he ran against Ike.
Are you at all knowledgeable about the principals in this divorce? That is, do you know either one of them personally?
Also, how weird is it that I don’t think the answer is obviously “Of course I know them!”?
This is a big part of it. (And it’s not just a perception - generally it’s true.)
But in general, people are conditioned (whether biologically or culturally) to be more sympathetic to and protective of women as compared to men.
Why did the wife leave her husband?
Because he was a selfish bastard.
Why did the husband leave his wife?
Because he was a selfish bastard.
Regards,
Shodan
I worked with her for almost 7 years. I left that job in 2010, and she left the place in 2011.
Are you asking why none of her FB friends are “threadshitting” on her divorce announcement? :dubious: Because even if I thought she was at fault, I would at least shut the fuck up on her Facebook wall.
I said, “Hugs to you. Hope your kids are okay” (they’re grown) and she PM’d me to tell me that they are, and she wants them to have a good relationship with their dad even though he’s going to move to a city several hours away. It also sounds like she didn’t see this coming.
Well, maybe men should stop being such selfish bastards. 
Did either couple have children?
Everyone doesn’t assume that, women probably assume it more than men.
I’ve seen this stereotype on TV and stuff (tabloids, whatever) but never in real life. I mean, when my friends split up, usually there’s a recognition that relationships are 50/50 and no one is innocent. The only exception I know of is when a friend left her incredibly abusive husband, and in that case all the favor went to her. But in that instance he really was the one at fault.
To the degree it occurs in real life, and is promoted in the media, however, it’s very unfair to men.
I don’t really see this happening among my friends IRL, either. But there does seem to be an expectation that a man will make his wife happy, so I can see why there might be an assumption that it was the man that failed. However, men do seem to be the main propagators of the “make my wife happy” meme.
I have. Twice. I don’t know how much younger the younger women were, though.
In one case the husband came back. In the other, the wife is now happily married to someone else.
Amen brother.
Just out of a long term relationship.
Maybe I was an ass. But nobody stops to think maybe SHE was a crazy assed bitch nobody could stand to live with.