I don’t know what your husband’s disability is, and I’m not asking you to say, but why do you think he should feel bad about getting disablility payments? It would take some of the burden of support off of you, correct? It sounds like you feel that he is at least partially responsible for his disability or that you think it isn’t a valid reason to not work.
I think she was saying that since he isn’t receiving disability he can’t feel bad about getting the money. It was an ironic “I only WISH that were the problem.”
singular1, I’m hardly an expert on SS disability, but I did do the paperwork for my husband and got him accepted on the first try. If you are curious about the process or anything, I’d be happy to answer what I can.
I could not agree more. This sounds like my recently derailed marriage. What is the fight really about? It isn’t about the moment, which is an embarrassing public display of sad machismo. It’s about many many years of disappointment and bitterness.
Get out, get some legal advice and get some help for yourself. You do not- NOBODY DOES- deserve to be this unhappy.
I didn’t. Nobody does.
Cartooniverse
singular1, I agree with Zoe. I’m glad you’re seeing it more from your husband’s side now. I think you would have been wise to let him have his Denny’s moment unimpeded, and I think you were angry long before you two left for the restaurant.
My dh and I have been in counseling for a couple of months, and WOW, is it ever making a difference. Our 20th anniversary comes up this March. I’m changing in ways I didn’t expect. It’s helping all of my relationships.
I don’t know you or your dh well enough to try to find any applicable nuggets in what I’m learning. It’s clear that you two have a lot of challenges to face concerning how to live, how to support each of your physical limitations, your burdens.
But perhaps I can share some general principles about relationships that I’ve learned, that might help you?
One is to have a goal for your relationship, for what “good” would be like (we’ve been exploring the principle of “harmony”). The next step is to look at whether your day-to-day choices are consistent with your stated goal. It’s not necessarily comfortable to examine this, as it requires accountability.
As Zoe said, fighting fair is essential. Lots of “I” statements (“I felt like X when you Y’d”) and no fair projecting. No fair assuming that you know how your spouse feels or will respond. You have to specifically ask.
Another one is to view your spouse with compassion, first. Be on his side. I’m learning that usually when we analyze someone, we’re not looking at them objectively according to some impartial criteria. What we’re actually doing is describing our OWN needs. It’s about US.
I want to know what problem Bob has with “Titties”. Personal favorite of mine, actually.
Too tinny.
I wouldn’t say he should be able to have his Denny’s moment unimpeded, but the OP shouldn’t have ORDERED him to sit down. She should have said something like “It’s ok Bob, it’s not a huge deal, just let it go please.” That expresses to him that she does not want him to keep going, but she’s not ORDERING him to stop.
If you really mean this (or even half-mean it), you’re probably suffering from depression, which means you could probably use some counseling for yourself right now. Just a thought from someone who’s also often wished for that bus from the sky.
jsgoddess got it right. We’re going to file the papers as soon as this “holiday” season is over. If I’m not as good at it as you were, I may take you up on that advice.
Gatopescado, for some reason he absolutely hates that word. He doesn’t like crass and vulgar terms, and in his vocabulary, that word is the very definition of crass and vulgar. Me, I’m more in line with George Carlin on the manner - “Tits shouldn’t even be on the list! It’s a friendly word, like a nickname. Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits.”
I’m sorry. 
I suspect you thought divorce papers too, but I scrolled up to see jsgoddess was talking about disability. Hopefully some more support coming in, of whatever kind, will help the two of them deal with their situation better.
ohhhhhh…I scrolled, too, but still managed to miss her meaning.
Yes, good luck filing for disability. It helps if you can find a social worker who’ll direct you to various programs. Food stamps, Medicaid and Section 8 seem to be managed by different entities.
Would you consider some tinted Chap-stick? 
Seriously, though, I just wanted wish you luck and strength. Please do keep us updated.
I actually had a moment of “Omigod, did I just talk someone into divorce?!?!” before I remembered. Eek.
FWIW, titties are my kryptonite, too.