They have been separated for over four years, divorced a little over a year later. He found out she was gone when she called him at work one night and gave him his new phone number. Even though he suspected she was having an affair, he hoped it would end and they would reconcile.
She moved into a different house that she and her new honey bought together and did not tell my s.o. where it was for over a year. She dropped the kids off at the old house on visitation weekends, and my s.o. also had them during the summer days when he was on second shift and she worked first shift.
She brought divorce papers for him to sign when he was in the hospital to have surgery, and she told him he had to sign those papers so she could have them in by Monday. I don’t know if he actually even read them, but if he didn’t, he should have.
She got full custody of all three kids, plus the right to claim all three of them on her income tax. He pays the customary 30% of income child support. He was to live in the house and make the house payments until the last child turned 18, and then he was to sell it and they would split the profits. She had it written in the divorce that he could not cohabitate with a female in that house (he would have to sell and move out) but a male roommate would have been okay.
He also is responsible for half their school tuition, and visitation is every Sunday and every other weekend.
When she left, she took most of the furniture, so he bought new furniture on credit. When he was off work for two surgeries and related health problems, he could no longer keep up with the house and credit card payments, so he signed a quit claim deed to the house. She then proceeded to rent the house to him at the same rate as the house payments which he couldn’t afford. His car broke down and he couldn’t afford to fix it, so she paid to have it fixed, kept it and traded an older van to him. But she only changed one title, kept losing or forgetting the other one, so both vehicles were in her name.
When he started dating me, she seemed to have some sort of panic attack. She told him to tell me “Those are MY babies!” And she was used to him taking the kids on weekends when she was supposed to have them. One time he refused because we had a date, so she evicted him. (She “evicted” him every time he wouldn’t do something she wanted him to do, but this time he had somewhere to go, my house.)
So, rather unexpectedly, and fairly soon after the break-up of my marriage, I had another whole family to deal with.
This winter, his van broke down and he couldn’t afford to fix it. He had been driving their daughter to skating practice every Sunday to the Twin Cities, and now no longer had a vehicle. She told him if he didn’t get it fixed, she was going to take it back, and she did. She had someone tow it away, she fixed it and, since she never changed the title, it is hers. We worked at the same place then, so he rode to work with me.
And this woman, who has her own s.o., (not the same one she left Bob for originally) hates me. We no longer answer the phone if we see either of her numbers on the caller I.D. because she uses a really snotty tone of voice to anyone who answers.
I met Bob almost two years ago, and we started dating about a year ago. I had nothing to do with their break-up, and she has a serious relationship with someone else. But she calls here to harass Bob about all kinds of stuff, or to ask him to pick the kids up or drive them here and there during the week, if she doesn’t feel like doing it or is going to be home from work late.
And he still seems to partially defend her, after all the crap she has pulled. He thinks she is a good mother, even though she leaves the kids alone many evenings so she can spend them with her s.o. He always seems to find excuses for all the mean, shitty things she does. I don’t understand.
But here is the kicker: he recently switched jobs, and has decided to use his profit sharing to try to get out of debt instead of rolling it over. And he deposited this large sum of money in his checking account, which still has her name on it.
She already has the house, most of the furniture, and both vehicles. Bob came out of that marriage with the bed they both had, a couch, and lots of debt. She takes anything she can get her hands on, and he doesn’t believe me that it is not a good idea to start a separate account for that money.
I know he is a good, loyal person who loves his children very much. She is a spoiled, contolling psycho bitch who gets her way by screaming, ranting and raving (but she can control this; as a sales rep she makes more money than Bob and I put together). I have been more than kind to the kids, (who have their own set of problems).
I just don’t know if I want to put up with this for very long. I want her to grow up and get on with her own life and let us have ours. I think it would be best for the kids if all of us (including s.o.'s) were involved in their lives, but she has hissy fits when I attend any of their sporting events.
Bob seems to think I am being unreasonable in my opinions and feelings toward his ex. Any suggestions, comments, opinions, advice?
This may seem like more of a MPSIMS thread, but I wanted to make leeway for stronger language.
