Who the hell does she think she is

My wife cleaned out our savings account went and filed for a divorce filed for full custody moved herself and her kid 9 years.our two kids 3 years and 9 months into her grandmas and are living in one bedroom. Post partum yes. Bipolar yes. Another man? Fuck yes. The day she filed they made it official at her kidsbaseball practice. Her son literally shit himself then projectile vomited for a week.Not the first time she has cheated on me…not the first time with him either. I support all five of us and work way too fucking much. Decent house great neighborhood and I’m never home. Actually blamed me for being gone too much. What the fuck. Everyone i am not the nicest guy but after 18 months of trying to get over this affair and they’re right back at it i see no reason i have to leave so she can live here with him. Mortgage is in my name only. Send her your evil energy

You had this coming. It sucks to hear, but this is just another step on the road of suck you’ve been strolling on for some time.

So sorry to hear this.

Be sure to consult a lawyer immediately. Most will give you the first meeting for free, so don’t wait for the paycheck.

Resist the urge to get back at her in ways that will harm your children. I know it’s hard, but they deserve anything you can do to make this easier.

Hang in there, and don’t let this drive you crazy. You may be happier for it in the long run.

Have an attorney prove she is an unfit parent and show documentation of her actions and illness, and proof of her infidelity. That should solve quite a bit.

If it’s possible, give yourself some space (live in a hotel or AirBnB for a few weeks). Get the fuck away from her. Get an attorney, too. I say get away from her because that will help you strategize. You’re at war, dude. Gotta think straight.

Just out of curiosity, why did you pick a message board full of aging dorks to tell your tale of woe?

I am totally convinced this is a legit pitting and not a troll. :wink:

Man, this bot is BOOOORING. Punctuation needs spaces throughout…

I mean, yeah. We tend to be guys who fucked up multiple times,

“Who the hell does she think she is?”

I’m thinking Mrs. Big Stuff

Well, she thinks she’s Edith Head. It happens.

Make sure to collect all financial documents from the bank as of the day she left. Your attorney is going to want them for the “clean out the savings account” part of it.
Get your attorney to immediately file for custody - at least shared custody - she’ll be poisoning your relationship with your kids, so spending time with them will be important. That may mean, since you work a lot, finding a nanny.

Good luck

Not all of us are old.

I suppose to tell my tale of woe and find support and good advice… She left the home with kids so i am staying in it with the dog. I borrowed money for a lawyer and counter filed. We live in Ohio married less than four years. The poisoning of the children is definitely already happening. I have pulled most financials already and even have withdrawal receipt with her signature on it. Yes i believe in the long run i will be better off. She still acts like there is something i am supposed to be doing and failing at…as angry as she is. Doubt i will get full custody but that is what i counter filed for… Id like to be residential custodian even with shared custody? She can not provide a stable home and I am going to keep the house if i can help it…to provide stability
Not wanting to completely blast her we have court counselling today actually. I am going to bring up mental conditions but im not a doctor just emotionally intelligent… She has refused treatment in the past and even refuses to take her ADHD medication citing breast feeding.

I feel old enough for both of us this morning.

Ok, I’ll bite.

When it comes to custody, any illnesses she might or might not have, diagnosed or otherwise, are only relevant if they demonstrably pose a risk to the children. Citing her possible ADHD or BPD will not avail you in most proceedings any more than citing her breast cancer or Crohn’s disease.

The same goes for infidelity. Who she fucks, unless you can show it poses a risk to the kids, is not relevant to her legal fitness as a parent.

I get the impulse, but just saying “she’s cray” is not going to get you more custody. You’ll need to demonstrate a pattern of risky parental behavior.

But we’re all dorks.

It often takes two to fail in their marriage. Her infidelity was most definitely wrong. What is your contribution? What do you mean by:

Being honest about your own role in the marriage will help both of you in the end.

Didn’t you once admit to being old?

I know I did. That’s pretty much a quorum, I think.

As for dorkness (or, possibly, dorkidity) I consider it a virtue that I get along with computers much better than with people. They (the computers) are so … logical! I advance here the proposition that no computer has ever been a wife, and no wife will ever be a computer.

Apart from the kid snatching the OP sounds eerily like he’s become me 14 years ago, even this detail. I spent a long time bipolar & untreated, with some Asperger-like symptoms thrown in just to add irritating and obtuse to a propensity for impatience. I wasn’t much fun, but then she didn’t help the situation either. That said, my flaws in no way justify her behavior. She was messed up just as badly as I was, but with her own things.

There is nothing that can be said to OP to make his situation not suck suppurating badger nuts. There is some good advice for mitigating the immediate financial & parenting matters. But for the long term all I can do is strongly urge: OP step outside of yourself as soon as you are able and let this shitstorm affect only your physical being. The only thing you can really control is what you say and do, and to a certain extent feel. Concentrate on deciding who you are and who you want to be. Put all your effort into becoming that person, and let all the other crap swirl around and sort itself out. That sounds pretty and high minded, but it’s what you have to do. Because allowing your pain to grow and going eye-for-eye on the people who are hurting you will not make you a better person, and it will only help them to justify to themselves what they’ve done. Rising above it and just being Dad to your kids will set an example for them–that’s a long game, but it does work.

ETA: Happy endings for me. New wife is charmed by irritating and obtuse, Bipolar is in check, kids all cop to feeling like they have two moms and a whole dad. The adults all get along.