Divorced Dopers - Help

Did almost exactly the same plnnr. About 1 1/2 years ago I divorced my wife of 12 1/2 years. We had discussed it for a couple years and the youngest kid left home so I decided it was time.

So how do I feel about things a year and a half later? Well I have never known the kind of emptiness and loneliness as this past year and a half. I am still in the rebuilding stage and I don’t even know if I have hit bottom yet. I think it will better eventually and I also think your life will eventually get better too, but don’t have any illusions about your choice. It may be hard. Are you sure this is what you want to do?

Sorry guys, I was away for a few days and missed this one.

I did the same thing plnnr. We had been married for 11 years, together 13. Our marriage was over some five years before I actually ended it. Numerous threats on his part to end it never materialized and then I realized that there was no going back and I ended it, or as he says, pulled the rug out from under him. I tried many many times to get him to go for counselling with me to no avail.

My friends and my family (minus one sister) have been very supportive of my decision. I thought long and hard about my decision before finally acting on it and realized that it didn’t make me a failure.

The night he moved out, I sat in the house which was now basically empty because he also took everything and I felt like a load had been lifted off of my shoulders. I thought I should be crying or mourning this loss and it just didn’t happen.

I was married in a church, in the eyes of god, in front of my family and loved ones. I never EVER thought I would be one of “those divorced people”. But I am, and I am finally truly happy, happy with myself, my life and my future, whatever that holds for me. My divorce should be finalized on September 20th of this year and honestly, I can’t wait to start my new life. This has been hanging over me for two years this week and I know I have a bright and happy future waiting for me out there. I also know that I will, one day find my true soul mate and will live out my old age with that person.

Don’t ever think you are a failure. Unfortunately life is sometimes like that child’s toy that says “Some assembly required” There are no accurate directions, you take it as it comes, both the good and the bad and nowhere does it say how exactly you should be feeling when the end does come. You feel how you feel.

I hope you find the happiness you are looking for.

Since C-Sue bumped this up anyway, I’ll put in my twopence.

plnnr, that day I left my ex was the saddest day of my life. I felt so empty, and so utterly horrible for leaving. That image of his sad face trying to look away from me is forever burned in my memory.

…but you move on. It’ll get better over time. And it will get substantially better if/when your wife finds a new love to fill her heart.