For me it is, going back to the house stirs up bad memories. Iguess I’ll never get over the divorce-I really liked living there. Also, my former lifestyle was a lot bette than the present one (due to child support). How do you deal with this? How can I put it out of my mind?
I hated the house I spent 12 years in and hate hate hate visiting it, but up until recently, my children lived part of their lives there, sharing of custody. It was a guesthouse on my in-laws’ property and never a home to me, just a house, a small and tacked-together house. My ex recently was evicted and I will never have to visit it again. Yes, his father has evicted him and my son will spend his last year of highschool in a trailer park, but he wants to finish school there, so…
How do you get over divorce? A day at a time and remembering the immortal words of Brooks and Dunn:
There’s not a heart that ain’t been broken, a lie that ain’t been spoken, a shattered dream that brand-new love can’t fix…don’t look back, it’s just whiskey under the bridge.
I’m sorry that you still hurt so much.
I kept the house and just kept living here, just with like half of the stuff. It hasn’t been a problem at all.
My ex and I are on very good terms. I had some consulting work out of town last week and she dog sat for me in the house. She told me that it was very difficult for her at times.
Like you, I kept the house in the divorce. However, I lost much of the surrounding land - so my X promptly built his new house about 100 yards away from mine. That was a majorly creepy. It was pretty clear he never “got it” that it was now my house along. Another problem was that he’d sit in his car at the end of my driveway and observe comings and goings.
I moved into another house about 3 years after the divorce and it was the best thing I did - I never realized all the negative associations until I left the place.
On a side note- now that strangers have moved in, my X STILL considers it his place. According to my kids - he rants and raves every time they cut down a tree or add a bush.
Thanks. I had to go back for my daughter’s HS graduation, It was so weird-i just missed living there so much. The realization that I’d never sleep in that house again-it brought back all the pain. I hate going back!
That’s sad, Ralph! I’m so sorry you miss your old house.
I have a situation unusual enough to warrent the telling of the tale – after the divorce, I got the house, which I then sold to my brother. So he and his wife and family now live there, and my sister-in-law keeps my young one while I work. So, I’m there every day. I like to visit the flowers I planted and smile over the improvements my brother is making. He’s even talking about adding on.
But I’m glad to be out of it. Not only is it small, when it was purchased my ex-husband and I were beginning the slow downhill slide, so apart from my children being small there, the house really has no good memories associated with it.
And, I’m sorry to hear about your son having to live in a trailer park, Cyn.
When I was divorced in 1979 we sold the house on contract. He got the down payment, minus taxes and fees, and I got, monthly, the difference between our old house payment and the new loan the buyer took out. So I ended up, in the long run, getting more money than my ex did.
Then, about ten years ago, the buyer called me. He had been offered a job with a big banking firm in Dallas, TX, and was having trouble selling the house again before he left. So his lawyer talked to my lawyer and I ended up legally letting him out of the contract, which means, that after being divorced for over fourteen years I got the house back.
It’s a good sized house, much too large for one person, but before my ex and I had bought it it had been fitted out to work as two apartments, one upstairs and one downstairs. We used to rent the upstairs. Now I live there and rent out the downstairs. My current tenant is the guy who lived in the house next door for over forty years, until he sold it after the death of his wife and his kids grown and gone.
So talk about wierd! But yes, it was odd the first time I went back into the place, after being gone for so long. Next year the mortgage will be paid off, and I’m thinking of making some improvements. Life is strange.
Yep. Especially since my ex still lives there. I go there a couple times a week for our ritualized Dog Custody Exchange (I get the boy on weekends). My ex is always happy to see me. Friendly. Invites me to come in, have a beer, hey I’ve got steaks in the fridge, want to stay for dinner? Or …? It’s like fighting off an emotional stranglehold to get out of there.
So the problem is not the house, obviously.
Long Time First Time: Now that is creepy.