I don’t think I have much to offer beyond what everyone else said, but I had to share my situation as well.
30, Divorced for little over 3 years, engaged to a wonderful 37 year-old divorced lady with two boys, 10 and 12.
We just found out she’s pregnant (It DOES only take one time being careless, folks! )
I joke about the kids and I being the same mental age, but honestly I think we’re not that far apart. They think I’m cool because I like today’s music and video games and stuff(I don’t think anyone would disagree that all men are kids anyway). And they know how I make their mom feel.
And their mom is truly the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She’s been through all the BS stages, can look at things objectively and knows what she wants from me AND life.
My time “alone” was tough at first, but as I got comfortable and began to take care of “me,” I knew that life was great regardless. I knew the right someone would come along, and I was prepared to wait as long as I needed.
I wasn’t looking when Ms. Web-to-be came along (she was a friend of a friend, and we all just needed a night out after a rough week of work).
I went through the same thing. Jeez, I feel like a spinster because I’m already a divorced old broad at 24, blah blah blah. It took a little time for me to come to grips with it.
And now, when I meet new people (dating, friends, no matter), I usually don’t tell them about the fact I used to be married. At least not initially. Once I feel comfortable with them, it tends to slip out. I get some surprised looks, because they just assume I’ve never been married. But by now I’ve dealt with all the baggage and can discuss it in a humorous manner.
Of course, I had no kids out of all of this, which I think makes it easier to keep under my hat.
Looking around, I don’t feel so bad. Lots of us divorced folk around here!
I’m also childless. But I disagree with the assertion about Number 3 here.
If a guy who potentially wanted to date you was worried about your having a kid, concerned that he wasn’t ready for the challenges of that, I would think he would be somewhat more relieved by the fact that your child is 15 than, say, 3 or 4.
Having a 15-year-old means you and your man can have a lot more free time, just the two of you. It also means the two of you can go on trips, even overnight trips, alone.
So, I don’t see anything on your list you should worry about.
Now let’s roll. And hey – let’s be careful out there.
(And if you know where that last line is from, you are old like me.)
Nooo, not Hill Street Blues. I’m only 26… I can’t be old yet!
Married at 22 and divorced at 24 with a 19 month old and 5 1/2 months pregnant with another man’s baby! I’m now 26 and will be getting married again next year. My SO knew I was divorced and had kids but, to him, the kids were just a perk that came with the package. He loves me and the kids and we’re a very happy family.
It didn’t take me long to start dating again after my divorce and the men I dated knew I had kids and knew I had been married before and didn’t have a problem with any of it. There’s nothing wrong with being divorced. Not everyone can live happily ever after. As was said earlier, at least you made it 15 years. I only made it 27 months… shouldn’t have made it that long!
Just go out and have a good time. If you get asked out, accept and have fun. You don’t have to settle down right away. Your kid is old enough that you don’t need a sitter so you’re free to go out on dates and have fun. Just do it!
I really object to the “shallow” characterization. Dating a person with kids is hard. This isn’t like not wanting to date someone because they have “man hands” or because they’re a couple of pounds overweight. Let’s forget the minor inconveniences of having to arrange schedules around the parental obligations of the custodial parent. It’s quite possible to get around the fact that you will be sharing the parent’s affections with someone else. But if the relationship gets serious, then you have to think about taking on a parental relationship to a child that you had no part in raising; one that might be emotionally damaged by the divorce or loss of a parent; and one that might resent you. Being a parent is exhausting, hard work (even if it is fulfilling) and dating someone with kids means you get flung into that role without even an apprenticeship period. (Can you tell I’ve been there?)
Not wanting to date a person with a child does not mean you’re shallow. It may mean that you have a realistic view of the obligations that you’re willing to take on. It may even mean that you’re not a nice, not a generous person. But it doesn’t mean that you are shallow.
Having said that:
a. 34 is really young.
b. Divorced? Pshaw.
c. 15 year old? Actually much less of an issue than a younger child. A 15 year old is pretty independent and will be heading off to college in just a few years.
I’m male, 33, single, with 2 kids. It seems like a single, childless guy is much more tolerant about dating someone with kids than a single, childless woman dating a man with kids. Most of my single guy friends have dated women with kids and for the most part it’s never been an issue. If both have kids, then children is never an issue.
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