Depending on your state, you don’t need a reason to divorce. My lawyer told me that it didn’t matter if she was having an affair, or boning the entire front line of the Broncos.
If she wasn’t doing drugs, an alcoholic, or a physical abuser, I had no change of getting better than 50% custody. Your state may vary and, it’s for this reason, you should at least consult with a lawyer for an hour or so over your rights in this.
Stop, immediately, any breaking of doors, etc. You don’t want to come off as the danger to the kids. Most courts will rule in favor of whatever is best for the kids and you want no reason for them to remove your rights to fatherhood.
My youngest, now 8, then 4, came out of it best of the children. Kids of a young age are amazing adaptable and he’s forgotten much of what it was like when the we were still married. My older children have suffered more so, frankly, I think your kids being young are a blessing in this case.
Here’s my thread from when the divorce was finalized. I believed then and still believe today that my relationship with my kids, especially my daughter, was damaged by being an 17% father (every other weekend). I strongly suggesting immediately going for the custody arrangement you want. If you want to share custody 50%, then start tomorrow with those plans.
We handled our divorce ourselves, other than the on-call services of a lawyer through the subscription legal service I’m a member of. They reviewed the paperwork for me that I filed with the court and were available for phone calls concerning issues. Later my ex decided she got a raw deal, her Mother-in-law funded a lawyer and she pretty much lost on an attempt to go after my few remaining assets (or leave them alone in trade for more custody (and child-support)). Her lawyer, I assume, told her that the deal was done, locked in, and probably more than fair. (I knew her early intentions from a mis-directed email sent to me for some reason).
Anyway, in short, fight for your rights as a father and parent. You have them but we, as men, have been conditioned to believe that we’re only entitled to every other weekend. Your kids need you too.
As much as you’ll want to, don’t put down your ex- in front of them. They have to respect her to have a successful relationship with her. As much as I want my wife’s new husband to treat her badly, it would make a bad situation for the kids if they were to be in that kind of household. In all things, think of your kids’ welfare first.
At least consult with a lawyer enough to find out what your possibles are. One hour of their time would be worth every penny. If your state tends to award custody to mothers, and you want custody, get a father-friendly lawyer. Split the debts and assets equally - sacrifice them and fight for the kids.