Is it unusual for a woman to keep her husband’s last name after divorce? Just wondering what the common practice is in the US and abroad.
Thanks,
- Jinx
I kept mine the same because I had a minor child. It just seemed easier. it was also easier to spell than my maiden name.
Around here, it depends on if there are children. If so, keep ex-name. If not, go back to original.
My mother did it when my parents divorced. Keep in mind they had been married for almost 20 years, and they had me. It allowed my mom to have the same last name as I did (which when you have a younger kid is sometimes desirable) and she also was able to keep the same name she’d known for most of her adult life.
She got remarried, so now it’s not an issue.
I was married very briefly, and changed it back - I wasn’t married long enough to identify with the name, plus it wasn’t as culturally unique as my maiden name was.
So I think it depends on how long the marriage lasted, and whether or not there are any children involved.
An old friend of mine kept her married name - I think because it’s more common than her maiden name, so she could easily get lost in the phone book.
If she had children with the husband, it is not unusual for her to retain his last name so that she and the children have the same name.
If she did not have children, she is less likely to keep his name/more likely to go back to her maiden name.
I know a number of people who have done either for a wide variety of different reasons. The main reason I know to keep your married name would be if you have children. It makes it easier when you have the same last name as your children.
On the other hand, a woman a work with just changed her name back to her maiden name even though she has three young children. Apparently, her husband had insisted on it in the divorce. He just did not want her to have his name anymore.
I know some other people who just changed their name because they no longer wanted to have any association with their ex or his family. I think it may depend on how well the couple got along during the divorce and the reasons for the divorce.
I know people who’ve kept their married name for convenience, not because of children but because of work. The last thing they wanted was to explain to all the children they taught why they were Ms A instead of Mrs B. (That’s the other dilemma - if they revert to their maiden name, do they go for the incorrect Miss, the out-of-date Mrs, or the rather awkward Ms?)
I know one woman who has kept her ex’s name. They had a child together, which was probably part of it, but I imagine that another reason for her is that all of her professional publications are under that name, including several volumes of poetry.
I kept my married name. No kids, but with the hassle of having to change bank accounts, mortgage documents, insurance, passports as I live outside the US, etc, it was just easier. Plus, the married name is easier to pronounce and spell!
I went through elementary school on the books as " Elizabeth XXXXX " and going by Beth my entire life, with XXXXXX being unpronouncable, I was marked absent more than once as I didn’t realise the substitute teacher was referring to me. I do prefer my married name, although it is often spelled incorrectly, at least it isn’t difficult to pronounce.
I dated a woman a few years back who had recently finalized her divorce after a marriage of 13 years. She went to file taxes for the very first time as herself (she was always the dependent of her husband, tax-wise) and she found out her name had never been legally changed to her husbands name, but this was the name she identified with and was known by. She went and legally changed her name to her ex-husband’s last name about a year after the divorce.
This was in Georgia, US.
If a woman’s career has been established with her married name - it is a royal pain to change names.
Going through it right now
Someone asked me once: “Do you have a sister named Kris?”
I said no, and asked why.
Apparently she had done a google on my last name. A newspaper obituary came up saying the person that had died was survived by “a sister, Kris Ricolastname, of Hercity.”
Kris and I had divorced in 1988, this was in 2000. I must say, that felt rather strange seeing her referred to by her married name so long after the divorce.
However, in 2001 I found out through a mutual friend that she had finally married the guy she left me for.
My last name is safe with me and CurrentWife - and that’s the way it will stay.
My first marriage only lasted 22 months. No children. He was abusive and I didn’t want any part of him and I hadn’t really gotten used to being known by that name anyway so I went back to my maiden name. I was young…21 at the time the divorce was final. I really didn’t want to be known as “Mrs. Robinson” if I didn’t have to be.
I’m Rico’s current wife and it’s going to stay that way. I waited 22 years for him. He’s not getting away. Although we have only been married 3 1/2 years, I’m getting to where I almost always remember to sign my current last name. The odd times I slip up, I catch it on the first letter and have figured out how to make it look almost like it’s supposed to.
I’m damn proud to be “Mrs. Rico”! 
I think it was very common in my mother’s generation, but today it’s a bit more unpredictable.
I might have considered keeping my husband’s last name when we divorced, but he married my ex-best friend, and so she now had MY last name, too.
It was awful.
I decided to change my name, but I didn’t want my maiden name, so I chose another name altogether. No big deal.
These days, it’s all over the place. Attitudes vary wildly based on generation and regional differences. Stuff I’ve seen:
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Once upon a time, the standard practice was to change to “Mrs. First Maiden Last” as a signal that one was divorced. But now you see women doing that when they’re married (Hillary Rodham Clinton) as a compromise between changing or keeping their maiden name.
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I knew a woman (now about 60) who was married three times, each time with long stretches in between. She was “Mrs. One” until she became “Mrs. Two,” and “Mrs. Two” until she became “Mrs. Three.” My reaction to this is that she’s really insecure about being a single woman without a husband. My mom, from an older generation, thinks this is just completely normal.
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I know another woman, 35, who is now on her fifth marriage. Each time, she changed her name to “Mrs. Husband.” Then, after each divorce, she switched back to her maiden name. This has been a problem for her professionally because she has earned degrees and held jobs under a multitude of names, and this always comes out when she applies for something new. This rigid adherence to tradition strikes me as stupid. But I know a lot of women (usually the traditional type who took their husband’s name) who feel she’s doing the proper thing.
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I know a bunch of women who would have preferred to switch back to their maiden names, but kept the married because they thought it would just be easier to match with their kids.
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I have an aunt (age 63) who built a high-powered law career under her married name. Then, after 25 years of marriage, she got divorced. When she remarried, she became “Mrs. First One-Two.” My mom and dad were appalled and felt this was a passive-aggressive “message” to Husband Two. It strikes me as being merely pragmatic.
I once dated a woman who taught 8th grade English; she opted to keep her ex-husband’s name of “Miller” instead of reverting to her maiden name, “Ball”. Her goal was to reduce the number of outlets for 8th grade immaturity.
I’ve explained to Mr. Ujest that when he died ( I plan on out living him and he plans out living me…YAY for marriage…it’s not love…it’s competition to outlive each other.) that I plan on changing my last name, but not back to my original name, which was one syllable. And I’m not keeping the Current Name, which is one syllable.
Don’t know what I’d pick, but something like Wanttohockalugie.
This is pretty much how I handled mine. I went by my married name during the marriage without ever legally changing it, and since we’ve separated I’ve used my maiden name for things; although there are still a few holdouts in my married name (work, bank account, insurance). Eventually, I’ll transfer those over too, but I’m working on getting my older son’s name changed along with mine, so I’m waiting until we can do it all at once.
As for broadly, most older divorcees I know retained their married names while the younger ones from short marriages didn’t.
What’s incorrect about Miss? It’s a title for an unmarried woman, which a divorced woman would be. It’s perfectly proper to use with one’s maiden name.
Most of the women I know who have been divorced kept their husband’s last name. Many of these women had children, which is a reason often cited for keeping the name.