I’m currently dating a couple of different gentlemen, and one of them, generally referred to as “The Brit,” is from the UK.
When he came over last night, he saw the astonishing display of Doper Valentines I had spread across half the dining room table and said, “That’s so sad.” Sad!?!?! Doper Love from across North America and beyond?
According to him, we Yanks have completely devalued Valentine’s Day by our indiscriminate (not to say promiscuous) exchange of valentines to all and sundry. He went so far as to say that our divorce rate here is directly attributable to our practice of exchanging valentines with all our classmates in elementary school. His theory is that this leads us to a belief that everyone loves us, that love isn’t anything special, and so that potential lover are all completely interchangeable – if one doesn’t work out, toss him/her back and take another.
According to him, in the UK, valentines are very rare and special, and are always sent anonymously – perhaps with some sort of cryptic message that might hint at the sender’s identity. When I asked him how many valentines he had gotten as a kid, he said five or six, but admitted he was extrapolating (!) and that he only remembered one clearly. I asked him how many he had sent, and again, he could remember only one, when he was 9 or 10.
So, yeah, he found the sheer over-the-top American excess of my display “sad.”
Brit Dopers – can you confirm or deny anything he said?
It’s not quite always true that they’re sent anonymously – you might sign a card for your partner, for instance – but generally that would be right. It’s certainly true that you would only send one to a lover (or to a person you’d like to be), not to every friend and relative like Christmas cards.
I did hear a story about a British guy visiting California who was open mouthed to find heterosexual men wishing one another “Happy Valentine’s Day”, and I couldn’t imagine that happening here except as a joke.
Whether your boyfriend is right that it’s “sad” to send numerous cards or that it undervalues the gesture is open to speculation; his comment about the divorce rate sounds a bit dubious, for instance. But personally I’ve only ever sent them to very special girls.
Valentine’s Day in the UK isn’t the enormous boost to the greeting card industry here that it is in the US … I think “the Brit” is rather overstating the case, though.
Of course, I am the only Briton participating in the SDMB Valentines exchange … I doubt it’s going to stunt my emotional growth or anything, though. Just a somewhat fun (American) thing to do …
So I guess gifts are right out, then? Wonderful; I don’t remember couples giving each other expensive V-Day gifts when I was a kid, and I find it an appalling custom.
everton has it spot on about the sending of cards. We do sometimes do “jokey” Valentines, but that’s more an individual thing than a nationwide custom. At college my best friend and I used to have a yearly competition as to who could send the other the tackiest Valentine card.
I, in general, think all holidays are overblown in America. However, I consider Valentine’s day as a general appreciation of people that you care about. I went all out for my boyfriend - but aside from that, I didn’t do much else.
I did give my co-workers those little school Valentine cards with The Simpsons on them, and everyone got a kick out of it. Come on, they were Simpson cards! It had to be done…
