For the last 5 or 6 years of my marriage it was absolute torture having to endure Valentine’s day. I wasn’t in love, and neither was she, but we played the game and went through the motions: chocolates, flowers, cards.
Holy fuck it was hard. The hardest part was picking a card. A card that wasn’t gushing of love and beauty and wonderfulness of life together. Jesus Christ that was painful.
Anyway, I no longer have to do that, and when (if?) I do return to the relationship scene I really hope I have someone to love with whom I can pour my heart out and genuinely mean it. No charades.
One of the blessings of being unabashedly unattached is that I don’t have to be bothered over Valentine’s mess. I don’t have to worry about anyone doing over-the-top antics on my account, and I don’t have to do the same for anyone else. Plus, there’s all discounted candy to enjoy afterwards.
You have a daughter don’t you? I love getting Valentines Day stuff from my dad. Even if you don’t see your daughter on Valentine’s Day, I bet she would get a kick out of getting something in the mail.
A son too maybe? He might not scoff at a card if it contained a iTunes gift card too.
I’ve never really had a valentine SO. But I make the most out of the holiday by sending cards to several of my friends’ kids and nieces. It’s fun!
Maybe you could get over the bad feelings by putting out some good feelings to people you actually DO love.
With my last wife, it had to be some sort of jewelry gift. I, of course, got nothing in return other than maybe a card. It’s a very lopsided “holiday”. My present spouse and I ignore it completely.
Same for us, except 32 years. Well, except the one year I baked a heart-shaped cake for him to take to the office. On top, I wrote “Happy V.D.” because his coworkers were as twisted as we are. Good times…
Some years back, we got me a new car, and it just happened to be ready for delivery on Feb 14, so he told everyone he got me a car for Valentine’s day. Far too many believed him!
Imagine how many women today are out there writing whiny complaints on social media about the stupid things their boyfriends got them for Valentine’s Day. Multiply that number by 1000–this represents the population of all women in the world who are unappreciative of their lover’s V-Day efforts.
Doesn’t that make you feel just a little bit better?
Other person: “It’s Valentine’s Day! Aren’t you going to do something for me?”
Me: “Hmm? Valentine’s Day? I didn’t know. I don’t really care about all that.”
Other person: “But it’s Valentine’s Day! You’re supposed to do something for me!”
Me: “Well, why didn’t *you *do something for me?”
Other person: “…”
Me: “Well, I think this is where we break up. No, seriously. Get your stuff. Get out.”
…
OK, that never actually happened like that. But it seems to capture the spirit of some interactions I’ve had so well that I’ll probably turn it into a full-blown false memory now.
It’s easier to ignore commercial holidays when you are not also trying to ignore the elephant in the room, ie, that you are no longer in love. The only time other than our first year together that I remember us making an effort on Valentines day was the year that we were struggling to communicate.
We are not big “occasion” people, our 20th anniversary our friends noted for us that we had made plans to spend the day with them - separately. J and I were off at a girls event for the day while our husbands spent the day sitting on a patio drinking beer and eating wings with my daughter. We did have a lovely dinner to celebrate, but it was 4 days later when we were off on vacation and they, who are big occasion people, are still amused and bewildered that this didn’t bother us. When we were having trouble we were working so hard to cover it up from the world that we couldn’t have done the same thing.
It’s one of the rare nights of the year that my husband insists on making dinner. He puts a lot of effort into it, and I really appreciate it. We gave up on cards and presents years ago.
