Everything I hate about Valentine's day in one commercial

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Way to mild for the pit but I had to say something, I guess.

I just heard a Valentine’s day commercial on the radio. Walgreen’s, I think. To male voices talking and the first one’s in a panic. The following is my interpretation, not verbatim. My photographic memory needs some developing:

“Oh my God, Valentine’s day is coming and I don’t have anything!”

“Come to Walgreens and get the cutesy teddy-bear and sappy card combo deal. It’s easy for you and a thoughtful gift for her.”

“But whiney, whiney, I’m not sure.”

“Would you rather be in the dog house?”

There it is, the spirit of this romantic season. The expectation that gifts must be given or you’ll be in trouble. The statement that if you get any random cute piece of crap, it’ll appear to her like a thoughtful act.

Easy for you? Thoughtful for her? If it was a default, easy-to-choose, cute piece of crap, it’s by definition not a thoughtful gift. You didn’t think about it!!

It’ll appear thoughtful and, of course, for most people that’s enough.

Damn, I hate Valentine’s day, especially the implied expectation that you better get her a gift, it had better be romantic (whatever that really means) and God help you if you don’t because you’ll be in trouble. The implication that love is only real if it’s demonstrated in several socially approved ways: nice dinners, flowers, jewelry, fuzzy toys, or God-save-us-all, cards that rhyme.

I could kiss her every day, declare my love as I enter and leave the house, but without a dozen roses, it’s all just superficial crap.

What a crappy, marketing-driven, artificial “holiday”.

2

Wait – so you’re not going to get her the card-and-cute-critter-combo?

3

I’m always most tickled by the way businesses that no right-minded guy would patronize for Valentine’s try to cash in anyway.

Like “Get her a cell phone! Get her a new set of tires! Get her a year’s worth of oil changes! Get her carpet cleaned!”

OK, there are probably a few girls who would be tickled pink by new tires for Valentine’s. Or clean carpet. Or whatever.

But really? Oil changes? Window tinting?

The beauty of Valentine’s is that it’s all mapped out already. It’s not like a birthday. Get her a card and/or flowers, candy, something stuffed and fluffy…or if you’re in the money, get her something sparkly…and you KNOW you’ve nailed it! It’s like the drive-thru of gift-giving holidays! No real thought required, because the appropriate gifts have already been decided by the Valentine’s Day Gods!

I think it’s a bit silly, but I do like to get a card. Something small and stuffed works well too. I just love getting cards and small stuffed things. (Big stuffed animals are fun too, but impractical, cuz where am I gonna put the life-size gorilla?)

4

I can’t stand Valentine’s Day. I’m actually kind of glad that I’m single right now, for the first time in almost 10 years because now I don’t have to deal with that crap. My ex-boyfriend hates it as much as I do but for some reason, he’d always feel bad at the last minute and get me some chocolates. I don’t know why he’d spend 364 days of the year hating the holiday and then suddenly get sucked into the stupidity.

One year though, he got me a bamboo plant. Now THAT was a nice surprise. It wasn’t your typical Valentine’s crap and it was something that even I couldn’t kill.

Valentine’s commercials make all women look like gold-digging bitches and all men look like completely incompetent asses.

5

Indeed. This is often implied on more than just Valentine’s Day, but the aliens who are spying through our TV signals must think our culture consists of stupid men and the women who control by force when those stupid men screw up.

If you don’t get the cutesy teddy-bear and sappy card combo deal, she will shoot lasers from her eyes and barbecue you alive. Because women are like that, all angry and lasery.

6

Valentine’s Day is for DunDraCon. Well, give or take a few days.

7

I’m not too fond of it, either; however, there are upsides:

  1. For people in relationships, it means the likelihood of sex occuring is high. I would imagine that for singles, hookup probability skews upward, as well.

  2. You can get some nice chocolate really cheap after the holiday.

8

Ha ha ha ha ha! It is to laugh.

9

Generally speaking I dislike the concept of the holiday as well. However, any day set aside as a time when my boyfriend is encouraged to bring me chocolate is a something I can’t get upset about.

If I had my way, Valentines Day would go like this:

Hypothetical boyfriend: “Hi, pbbth, I love you. Here is some chocolate.”

Me: “Thanks, honey. Now take off your clothes and have sex with me. Then we will order pizza. Then more sex. Then we will watch The Simpsons until we fall asleep.”

Hypothetical boyfriend: “Okay!”

10

It’s nearly twenty years old, but a friend of mine has a photograph he too of a KFC near downtown in February. The sign outside said,

“THIS VALENTINES DAY, SAY IT WITH CHICKEN!”

11

They’ll do anything for a bok!

12

Aww. My heart always melts at that thought. But nothing says “I love you” like a side of slaw.

It’s never really bugged me as a holiday, whether there was someone in my life or not. Except for one year.

In her magazine, Martha Stewart mentioned something about a new breed of brown roses. My GF at the time loved them. She decided that she wanted a dozen of them for V-day. She estimated that they’d cost around $300, given their rarity and holiday demand. And like a sap, I went looking for them. I went to something like five different florists, none of whom had heard of these mythical flowers. Ah, but I had the very real threat of withheld sex held over me. I should have just called her on her bullshit. How I could have been such a complete wuss at the time is beyond me. I can’t even think in those terms any more without feeling a bit nauseous.

13

Preach it, Brother Belrix! I’m with you all the way.

14

See, in Korea, the GIRLS give the GUYS chocolate on Valentine’s Day. All wrapped up in baskets that look like they’ve chewed up and vomited out copious amounts of lace and ribbons. The girls compete to see who can create the ugliest looking basket. And the guys have to act like a basket vomiting out lace and holding cheap chocolate is the best thing evar. I participated in that crapfest exactly once, but in hindsight I should have just offered the ex a blowjob. But nice Korean girls don’t do that, so he probably would have dumped me. Albeit after the blowjob.

15

ergo the promotion of “Steak and A Blowjob Day” March 14 (I’d offer a link, but dasn’t Google for one at work)

16

It may be just a coincidence that the new Ontarian statutory* holiday, Family Day, is February 18th. :slight_smile:

[sub]*Required by law.[/sub]

17

[QUOTE=Audrey Levins]

OK, there are probably a few girls who would be tickled pink by new tires for Valentine’s.
Or better still…pink new tyres

18

A White Castle near where I work has a marquee sign out front that says “Now Accepting Valentine’s Day Reservations” and a phone number. I admit, the idea did pique my interest enough that I almost called…

19

Why are you single?

20

Ditto what Leaffan said. If you’re into internet dating, this should so be your personal ad.