ParentalAdvisory, that’s Ruadh’s exact point - it’s a stereotype. It’s not true.
Great. Now, I’ve got popcorn all over my desk, monitor, and floor. 
!!! My waist is 32"!!!
You know, when I was in college I figured that women had a built in meter that told them how long since your last date. I had no idea it happened to both genders. I do recall a study on guppies that in which male guppies that had just spawned, because of the experimental set up, were more likely to mate with other guppies. Perhaps we’re built to pick up on subtle signals like that. (Well, if he/she isn’t good enough for anyone else, why would he/she be good enough for me…)
See, now I find it kind of sad that anyone would insert negative reasons why someone of the opposite sex (or partner of their choice) would not be interested in pursuing a relationship with them.
I once dated a real stud of a guy, he was sweet, good-looking, fairly well off and not only that, he played a guitar, and we sang beautiful harmony. But “IT” just wasn’t there. When we kissed, in the wonderfully goofy words of Leah Thompson’s Lenore McFly in Back to the Future “it’s like kissing my brother”!!!
People of both sexes need to realize that most times, it’s not ABOUT them, it’s about the other person, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are filling in the “he’s too/not enough ______ for me” with a negative trait.
:eek: Well, maybe it will make you feel better to know that I am married.
What it really comes down to is that I don’t like playing the game, especially all the time. I’m not trying to make anybody’s life “hell”. (You’d think that I’d be making your life easier!) It’s like Davebear said…it’s tough to open the car door for someone when she’s already out of the car. I guess that I’m just uncomfortable playing the princess role. I know I’m not the only one. I mean, sometimes my child has been known to bristle at having to wait for me to do things for her, even though she really couldn’t do it herself! So, I think it’s a pretty natural reaction, myself.
It’s occurred to me that we may be talking about different things here. I mean, my husband is nice–he does the sorts of things that iampunha and davebear do, and I like that a lot. I suppose that some may consider that “chivalry”. I consider it just “being nice”. I’m talking about the chivalry where, yes, the woman has to “play along” and wait for men to open doors and pull out chairs and place their coat over puddles and stuff like that and act like she is completely helpless all the time, or where the man is always leaping out to do those things in a subservient fashion. Yeah, that bothers me a bit. Maybe it’s just because the men I’ve met who do that sort of thing have turned me off in other ways, too. I don’t bite the head off of anybody who holds a door for me, though. I don’t demand or expect it, either.
So, chivalry is a way to assuage male guilt, I take it :). Maybe that’s why it bothers me.
Wha? “Deserve?” How do you know she doesn’t while away her spare hours strangling kittens? Anyone with a uterus deserves to be treated nicely? I can’t support that, man.
Also, I would think that for many women (and men), nice treatment might include not being subjected to constant, ostentatious attention to their gender.
Maybe I gave the wrong impression. I have nothing against chivalry; I just think it’s very tough to pull off, these days. Too many women seem to feel the way you do, about it.
It’s not about assuaging guilt. And, it’s not about making women feel inferior. Quite the contrary. It’s about making one woman feel special, for a while. It’s a courting ritual, not an insult. The men who employ chivalry, and I used to be one, know perfectly well that you can open your own car door, manage your own chair at the dinner table, etc. But, there’s only so much a man can do to show how special they think a woman is. We can only get so dressed up, without looking like clowns. Women can go over the top, with their hair, makeup, and clothing, when they want to signal that they consider a date special, and they get admiration and compliments for doing so. We can’t. So, all we really have is silly little things like holding doors and chairs.
What is an insult is when a woman refuses to “play along”. I think most men are used to it, nowadays, and may even expect it, but it’s still a slap in the face. Chivalry is a compliment, and it’s rude not to accept it as it’s intended. It’s the equivalent of your date/husband saying “That’s what you’re wearing? All right, let’s go”, after you’ve spent two hours getting ready.
Sure, it takes a little patience on the lady’s part, but you’re not three years old, any more. We routinely wait 20 minutes when you ladies go off to powder your noses. Is it too much to ask that you wait a few seconds, to allow us to hold the door for you, in return?
Dude, get a grip, would ya’? Or, a clue, maybe? Chivalry is not directed at random strangers, these days. We’re not knights errant, roaming the countryside seeking out damsels in distress. We’re on a date with a woman we think we know something about. Could she be a kitten strangler? Sure, if it’s a new relationship. But, the assumption is that she isn’t, or we wouldn’t have asked her out. And, if a date isn’t all about gender, what is it all about?