Sorry, but I would have to disagree with that assesment. There’ve been plenty of guys who have just bought (or tried to buy) me drinks purely because they feel this is gentlemanly. Like holding the door for a woman. As far as I’m concerned it is not necessary, though.
If they do buy my drinks with the obvious intention of getting to sleep with me, I’m actually much more likely to accept if I do not like them than if I do. If they are kinding hanging around annoying me I figure I might as well get a drink out of it, whereas if I really like them I tend to want to start off as I would intent to carry on: on an equal basis.
I like to buy drinks, and food, and pay for the movie/theater tickets for the ladies because it establishes me as a provider, and thus asserts my position in the pride.
(For people unfamiliar with the UK, be aware we have to go get the drinks, it’s not like a restaurant where a waiter brings them to you.)
The dynamic with people I know is generally that people intermittantly go to the bar, and offer to buy a drink for whoever they were talking to, is nearby, etc. It’s naturally limited by how much you can carry. But if you’re generous, you can say loudly “my round” and get everyone to order, and then ask someone to help carry, or the barpeople for a tray. In a small group (4ish) you’d be likely to buy a whole round. In a big group, less likely, but it’s hard to back out if you make a vague offer and everyone takes you up on it. People are varyingly generous depending on who’s earning more, etc.
But this could easily lead to a situation like yours. If people like you, or think about you, then they’ll be more likely to buy you a drink, not deliberately, but just because you’ll be there.
I also suspect chivalry, etc - being nice to women is ingrained in many men, and in this case that’s buying a drink. Finally, on average, women earn less than men, still, so if some groups this may hold, and the slightly-more-flush being generous can cause the men-buying-for-women effect. But I’m not saying that need hold for you.
For what it’s worth, I applaud this philosophy. But then, I was never a fan of the ‘singles’ scene, and the meat market approach to life.
Sorry if I’m a pessimist. But quid pro quo seems to be the norm. And while good conversation can be an end in and of itself, I wonder how many less than attractive women get bought drinks regularly and what that means.
For what it’s worth, I’m pretty much average, occasionally edging into cute. I don’t think the guys by me drinks 'cause they’re blinded by my gorgeousness. And I’ve known most of these guys for a while (we all row together) and we’re usually at a pub-type place and not a meat market.
I think I’ll have to be a little more insistent on paying more often. I was trying to find out if guys got any intrinsic pleasuer out of buying dirnks for the gals and it sounds like most of y’all do it 'cause you feel obligated. Truthfully, I probably make more money than some of these guys so I should pay.
Cool! Another Austinite! Where do you normally hang out? I’m usually down on Fourth (usually Gingerman, Fado’s is kinda meat markety) or at Mother Egan’s or Opal’s. Or we walk to Cedar Door from the club. Unfortunately, I’m in sunny Florida this weekend (and I’m desperately trying to make weight for an upcoming race so I’m not really drinking right now anyway)…
I don’t even like buying my own drinks as they’re expensive as hell but if I am out with a small group of friends, I’ll buy them a round with no expectations. It’s what friends are for.
I don’t really mind paying in general. I’m single and upper middle-class and when I’m out with friends - male or female - I usually put the lion’s share of the money on the table. If people want to split it, cool, if they want me to pay, I don’t mind. If they want to pay, I don’t mind. Usually its about the company and not about the money.
Occasionally I have over-indulged myself in a week and will have to ask people to carry their share, when that happens, I don’t feel bad about that either.
I’ll second that opinion. Despite they cynicism expressed by some regarding expectations, I don’t expect a thing in return when buying a female friend a drink. My chivalric tendencies do tend to kick in, though, and I’ll often pay just because I want to. I enjoy it.
And I’ve known most of these guys for a while (we all row together) and we’re usually at a pub-type place and not a meat market.