There’s this female thing at my local pub who touches me every time she sees me. She’ll come up and put an arm around me, or hold my arm, all very “friendly” like but what she is really doing is busting my chops. I’ve told her many times that we are not friends, I don’t like her, and she should keep her friggin hands to herself. She just laughs and pretends not to have any idea what I am talking about. One time I was in a particularly bad mood when she pulled this crap on me and I cussed her out big time. She just gave me a nasty smile and said that since she was a woman and I am a man, she can do anything she wants and if I get forceful in any way she will call the police and have me arrested for assault and battery. I truly want to burn this… person… down.
My dictionary defines battery as:
The unlawful and unwanted touching or striking of one person by another, with the intention of bringing about a harmful or offensive contact.
Her touching of me is certainly unwanted and offensive to me. How can I force her to stop without ending up in jail for breaking her friggin arms?
If it were me I’d yell at her evertime she came close to me. Since this is GQ I can’t tell you exactly what I’d say to her but you get the jist. You just need to stand strong and don’t put up with no crap.
I’d also start yelling at the bartender as well; and tell him/her to controll their freaking bar.
But if you don’t mind the hassle a restraining order is good too.
Look up your local ordinances regarding assault, battery, harrassment, etc… and print them out. Highlight the pertinent parts, and hand them to her, showing where she is breaking the law.
Step 1 - call the local police yourself. Discuss the situation with an officer, get that officer’s name, make sure he/she understands that you just want to be left alone and not be a victim of battery. Also mention that she has threatened to make a false report to the police, if you legally defended yourself.
Step 2 - Don’t confront the woman alone! Make sure your friends are around and will support you if the police are called. If it is just your word against hers (and HER friends) you could wind up in trouble. If you don’t have a good crew at this bar, go to another bar.
Step 3 - If she mentions calling the cops again, give her the name of the officer you spoke to. “Oh, go right ahead and call the cops, just talk to officer X, he knows all about you already.”
If she gets on your nerves enough, the staff would probably be more than happy to get rid of her for you. Probably a better first step than getting the police involved, since - fair or not - I imagine it’d be hard to manage to get her charged with much. “So let me get this straight. You’re in a bar, and a woman keeps touching you? What, you want me to arrest her?” Followed by raucus laughter.
I definately say you pepper spray her. You have warned her and warned her. If hte tables were turned she would probably have you arrested or your ass kicked by some of her friends.
Next time, record her offense with a pocket-sized tape recorder. If you get her to say the whole “if you object to my actions I’ll call the cops” on tape, you’ve got more than just your word.
For god’s sake, do NOT pepper spray her, hit her, call the police, sue her, or complain to the management. There is no way in hell that you can justify escalation or retaliation for touching your ARM. There is no crime or civil violation, even in the event of a legal battery (“offensive touching”) unless some HARM has been done for which you must be compensated; unless she gives you hives, nightmares, or an ulcer, TS. Neither the bartender nor the management of the pub has any legal standing unless she works there; they can refuse her service, but unless she’s bothering other customers, I’d imagine they’d rather lose you.
You have two choices: (1) Deal with it; (2) Find another pub.
Well, there’s a third choice, but it’s almost as stupid as the bad advice above: get a woman to hit her and claim that Barfly groped her; you can then testify at her trial.
Dunno if it’s too late for this, but have you tried just ignoring her and pretending you don’t care? If you don’t react, messing with you won’t be much fun and she’ll find someone else to tease.
The beer dumped all over her is cheaper, & you can’t get any sane cop to believe you dumped it on her deliberately.
And if, for some ungoshly ( ) reason he does charge you, the phrase :“Hey, she jostled my elbow, it was an accident” is a suprisingly effective legal defence.
Do not do the court/cops thing.
Never, never, never do the court/cops/law thing, unless your money or your life is on the line.
Courts & Judges are eeeevil, and they get paid for messing up your life.
My crew is definitely behind me and willing to backup any play I care to make. The manager of the pub has offered to 86 the cow for me, but it has become personal and I don’t want other people fighting my fights for me.
I like the accidentally spilling idea. It has a symmetry that appeals to me. In the same way that she is “just being friendly” I will “just be clumsy” and the bartenders will happily give me a large glass of ice water to keep next to me for ammunition. (No sense wasting good beer on bad trash) If she makes a stink, she will get 86’d for creating a disturbance.
) reason he does charge you, the phrase :“Hey, she jostled my elbow, it was an accident” is a suprisingly effective legal defence.