This April would have been my parent’s 53rd wedding anniversary, but my father passed away last September. My brothers and I will be spending time with Mom that weekend. Do I still buy an anniversary card? It’s a little thing, I know, and Mom loves cards and things like that, but I’m not sure this time.
Typed this on my phone. Please excuse any typos.
Personally I’d say no. By all means reminisce and raise a glass to your dad, with your mum, over the weekend, but I think a card would be an uncomfortable reminder of his absence that will persist for as long as she chooses to keep it (i.e. probably for at least a few days after you’ve left).
Moms LOVE cards. Buy one of the blank ones, all hearts and flowers and ribbons et al on the front, and have the whole family write something inside. Say all the right things, things that are in your hearts, maybe things that might bring a tear or two in between the smiles and warm feelings. She’ll love it.
Card or not depends on your mom; everyone is different. But whatever you, don’t let the date go by pretending it never happened.
I would. I’d get her a really nice one, like one of those fancy pop-up cards. They have some cool ones on Amazon for $7-8.
No, I wouldn’t. To be honest, to me that seems a tad bizarre. I think you just being there or asking her how she is doing is what she would want.
Honestly, I would not. You’re going to be there with her, and if you weren’t I’d say maybe give her a call. But a card seems a little odd to me.
It depends on your mom. It can be a sweet reminder of their love or a painful one. I don’t think you can generalize.
I wouldn’t get an anniversary card, but I like the idea of getting a blank card and writing something heartfelt in it.
It’s still her anniversary. This will be her first one without your dad. Don’t let it go by unnoticed. Get her a card and flowers and I like the idea of having everyone sign it with a small memory or something. It’s going to be a hard enough day for her and I think the acknowledgment of their anniversary is very important even if it’s a blank card.
This is a really good idea. Thank you.
I agree with getting a blank card. Etsy has an amazing assortment of all types of cards from which to choose, and you can write your own message.
What about having a nice photo of your parents framed, would this be in bad taste ?
We did that on their 40th and 50th anniversaries.
I vote for the blank card. You can’t write something like “Thinking of both of you and remembering the wonderful times we all had together,” or something. If your mother drinks (I don’t mean if she’s a lush, I mean if she’s not a teetotaler), and your father had a favorite drink, then get his favorite wine, or the ingredients for his favorite mixed drink, and drink a toast to him.
After my grandmother’s funeral, we (my mother, and my stepfather, my brother, in laws, cousins, aunts etc.) opened an expensive bottle of sherry, because it was my grandmother’s favorite drink, and made a toast to her.
It was a very satisfying gesture. The cousins all made a pact that wherever we were on the first anniversary of her death, we’d all drink a toast of sherry. We did, and then all posted pictures on Facebook of where we were and who we were with. I had a minyan at my apt. to say Kaddish, and everyone there drank the toast with me.
You can be very creative, and happy if you decide to celebrate your good memories. I don’t know if You father died very young, or in a tragic way, and maybe celebrating isn’t appropriate.
Can you approach you mother and ask her what she would like? Or does it not being a surprise ruin it?
That is lovely, Rivkah.
I would go with some action - a dinner, a gift linking the two, memories of times past - more than a card. My grandmother was a widow for over 40 years and she cherished the day and the memories but even a card from her favorite children and/or grandchildren would have fallen flat. Those years, the anniversary was in her heart and in a way she couldn’t/wouldn’t share with anyone.
My dad passed away 3 years ago. We make a point to take mom out to eat on their anniversary each year (in addition to the ‘regular’ get togethers every week or so), but never got her a card to mark the occasion. She knows why we do it, and that’s enough for her.
My mom died last year, two months to the day before her and Dad’s 41st. My brother and I spent weeks debating what to do, did we ask him to dinner or go out somewhere? what if that just made him feel bad?, and in the end decided that since he didn’t bring it up, we’d get out of work a couple hours early (Dad gets out of work a lot earlier than either of us do) and rent a movie we thought he’d like and make popcorn. He didn’t really say anything about it until the next day when he asked if we’d gotten out of work early because we didn’t want him to be lonely on his anniversary. I admitted that we had, and he said he appreciated us keeping it low-key and taking the time off for him.