I couldn’t stand the longing. Really. It would just depress the hell out of me. I need to connect more than just a phone call or e-mail (even if the calls were every day). The longing would kill me.
Short answer: Yes.
If you want it to.
The longing gets better - the visits are great - the partings hurt like hell… but it CAN work.
I’m going to be Ms. Negative, but I’ve definitely learned my lesson about LDRs. I’ve had three, and none of them worked out.
The first I really regret b/c I spent half of my time in college with this guy who lived 4 hours away, and he was as wrong for me as anyone could be. The very short visits made it hard for me to realize how awful he was until I’d already invested two years.
The second was in the Air Force, and talking to him on the phone was a real drag. He wasn’t a very sympathetic person as it was, but over the phone he could be really lacking in warmth. Also, I did not want to live in Southern California.
This last one was LD for 2 years, then he moved to NY to be with me. The struggle to get him up here was so grueling that by the time he did, I was sick of the whole thing… but it took 2 more yeard for us to give up. If we’d been in the same town, I’m sure we’d never have gone on for 4 years… more wasted time.
My advice is, break it off. Yes, you will feel horrible for a while, with that and homesickness weighing you down, but I promise within a month you’ll be adjusted. This does not mean you guys shouldn’t be friends… you might hook up again when you’re both home for the summer (if you even WANT to go home for the summer). You’re too young to be tied down to a serious commitment.
JMO, and believe me, take it with a grain of salt, because I’m bitter and I also freely admit I’m a moron when it comes to affairs of the heart.
I agree completely. I’ve had 2 overseas LDRs and the first one was hideous, because I thought it was going to be just like a regular relationship, only apart. NOT SO. You will miss out on a lot of wonderful things that relationships bring, like cuddling and making dinner together and hanging out with friends together and sitting and chating about mundane things. It is hard to love someone so much that you want these things from them but can’t have them.
So my first LDR ended with me going mental because all that stuff I wanted to do, plus all the “Honey, let’s talk about Us” shit, was reduced to occasional visits and inadequate telecommunications. The awful part about the first LDR was that I couldn’t let go, I couldn’t decide that I wanted to break up with him, because he wasn’t there, so I didn’t know how much to trust my judgement, and I couldn’t work things out because, again, he wasn’t there.
So I moved overseas to be with him at the first opportunity I could, and discovered that yes, it was true, I didn’t want to be with him. I’m so glad I did it.
Second LDR: we fell completely in love, and he moved overseas to be with me. Now we are happily married. I do, however, miss the lovely e-mails I used to get when we were apart !
But yah, college is different, because so much will be happening to both of you. Your world will explode into something completely new, and if you have a monogamous relationship with someone who isn’t there, you will miss out on a lot, not to mention having to deal with the abovementioned unpleasantness of the LDR. So I echo the “Keep in touch, but do your own thing” sentiment - your first obligation should be to yourself and what you want to do. Now’s the time to see if your relationship can stand a challenge: if it can’t survive a little college adventuring then maybe it wasn’t the best relationship for you.
I’m in a LDR. I wish it wasn’t LDR, but that’s better than not being with her at all. Plus, it’s not going to be LDR forever.
But then, I’m old. You youngins don’t wait as good as us old folk.
irishfella and I have been in a LDR since the day we started (actually, a week after our first date I went travelling in eastern europe for a month).
It’ll be 2 years in August, we see each other once every 6 weeks or so. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
Hopefully he’s coming here to do his PhD, and to be with me.
Blissfully happy together.
Give it a shot, and try to stay together, you’ll probably regret it if you don’t. If it’s not working, end it, but at least try.
We met in college, when she was visiting a friend. We were 600 miles apart, and broke up after a year. We kept in contact, and saw each other, even as we were involved with other people, and then got engaged 4 1/2 years after we broke up, never having lived less then 600 miles apart. We’ve been married for 25 years.
My advice - break up, and see what is out there, but keep in touch, and see each other if it makes sense. If he is better than anyone you meet, and you are better than anyone he meets, it will work out. If not, you’re still ahead.
I really appreciate all of these responses whether i agree with them or not
the reasons we didn’t apply to the same schools are because we both have very different professional aspirations and also we were no where near as serious of a couple back in october when we were applying to college as we are now
i like the idea of not breaking up but not staying together but is it really possible to go back from being in a relationship, can “let’s just be friends ever work” ???
i know it would be hard to do the LDR thing but part of me feels like maybe it is my only option if i want to keep him in my life even just as a friend.
Believe me I’ve experienced a long distance relationship and after all the advice I got, the best option with the least restrictions is being friends. I can’t say it doesn’t drive you nuts when she finds somebody else, it did for me, because you feel anger at the fact you couldn’t be there with her and that she doesn’t ‘want’ you that way anymore. But just think that in a couple of years, when priorities are set straight, you and her could be together again. But don’t put all bets on that, live your life and move on too
Oh my, I seem to have put her instead of him, my bad for not reading the OP properly…sorry