I don’t get why women keep going back(or stay with) to men who are psychologically and physically domineering. It is my opinion that many of them derive masochistic pleasure from their situation. I honestly believe a male-chauvinist attitude is attractive to them.
I can’t imagine this not being, at least partly, a conscious decision.
Of course, some women are sicko idiots.
Now…Many of them? I don’t think you’re going to find that most abused women are actually getting their jollies from the situation.
Most of the time, women go back to a bad situation because they grew up in one. If you grow up with chaos and abuse, unfortunately it is the only thing that feels familiar and ‘like home’ to you. It is what is normal to you. The women who leave this type of man usually have had counseling or a friend intervene, causing them to realize that what they thought was normal isn’t. All too often, though, these women just plain don’t know how to exist without a man like that.
Some women think that that is the way its supposed to be.
Some women believe that the “man is the head of the family” and feel a religious obligation to be dominated.
Some women like having little control (and therefore little responsibility). In some ways it would be nice if I never had to make complex decisions.
For some women, its all they’ve ever known. They come from abusive families.
Some women buy into the “Beauty and the Beast” myth. If I love him enough, he will change.
Some women buy into the thought that they deserve what they get. “I made my bed, now I need to lie in it.” Or “he wouldn’t treat me this way if I were better (at keeping the house clean…in bed…at anticipating his needs…looking) - and therefore its my fault.”
And some of them would like to wear dog collars and be spanked, but find that “filthy.” So this is the way they meet their desire without being “dirty.”
If you’re referring to women who identify as ‘collared submissives’ or other labels, then yes, there are some out there who prefer to stay with a man who is psychologically or physically domineering but not abusive.
If you think that abused women stay in such relationships out of a desire to be abused, then I think you have a gross misunderstanding of the dynamics of domestic abuse.
A significant minority. Those who keep going back to some asshole or leave that one and find another. Against the advice of more objective observers, usually.
ninetypercent, are we talking domineering men or abusive men? I believe there is a difference.
We are talking about occasional physical abuse, moderate psychological abuse and complete disrespect.
Let’s not forget that’s there’s some people who would rather be married to charles manson then be ALONE.
The following is kind of graphic, so if that stuff upsets you, skip it.
One of the assistant DA’s over at the courthouse was telling me some absolute horror stories about bad relationships just yesterday. One involved the police busting in on a man who had broken his girlfriend’s home. He had his girlfriend handcuffed and gagged, and he also had with him rope, duct tape, plastic sheeting, a knife, and a shovel. He had been telling her he was going to rape, kill, and bury her. The following week, she was at the DA’s office demanding that she be allowed to file an affidavit of nonprosecution saying that she loved him and that they had no right to interfere in her life. Bear in mind this guy had been to the pen for beating her before.
Another story involved a man who had beaten a woman bloody with a bat in the front yard in front of 29 witnesses, breaking numerous bones and splashing onlookers and police with her blood. As soon as she was out of the hospital, she was at the DA’s office doing the same thing, demanding that they not prosecute him, that she loved him. One of these women (I forget which) followed him all the way from the courtroom back to the DA’s office cursing and screaming at him for doing this horrible thing to her man. Both felt 100% that the DA was cruelly interfering with their “relationship.”
It’s not just limited to women, either. A man was at his office tearfully pleading that they not prosecute his girlfrind for stabbing him repeatedly, including one that could have been fatal had the blade not broken on the clavicle. I don’t know what kind of psychological dynamics would make people want to remain in these types of relationships, but my gut feeling is that it’s probably pretty darn complex.
Many women, especially young women, do enjoy the notion of being with a powerful, dominating male, and there is some evidence that a portion of that preference re choosing confident, swaggering mates is hard wired into female sexual preferences on a fairly fundamental level re prospective mate “fitness”.
Now, as to the issue of maintaining a longer term cooperative mate relationship for the purposes of forming a household, the dominating personality can get tiresome if the “dominator” doesn’t know how to moderate themselves (and many don’t). This is partially why you hear a lot of complaints on relationship call in shows. like Dr. Laura, Dr. Brown et al., from women who married a man with a powerful, dominating personality that turned them on when they were young, but found that this got oppressive as they got older, and almost universally the “confident white knight” is now a “controlling bastard”. The funny thing in most of these scenarios is that men didn’t change, the women did as they got older and more self assured.
And, more importantly, what are their phone numbers? 
Love, or the perception of love, makes a lot of people do a lot of stupid things a lot of the time. I know people that have maxed out their credit cards and gone into debt to win their girlfriend’s approval. I know people who have given up their families and jobs to follow some doomed affair. I know of people that have moved to foreign countries, committed crimes, ruined lives and even commited suicide for the sake of stupid relationships. Love and stupidity go hand in hand.
It is easy to mistake an intense relationship for “true love”. I’m sure most of us have at some point. Something about pain and agony makes humans think they’ve found a soulmate. And once they think that, they will defend that no matter how bad it gets. Not to do so is to admit to yourself (and everyone you know) that you were badly, horribly mistaken.
And so often we are just replaying our broken childhoods and trying to fix things symbolically that just can’t be fixed. A common thing is to date somebody that resembles your father in an attempt to symbolically “fix” our fathers. Or else we crave negative attention because thats what we always got instead of love. Or we date someone that confirms our hidden fears that we just arn’t worth anything.
It’s not that women want to be domiated. It’s that such intense relationships are addicting and can make “normal” love seem boring and unfullfilling- especially if there are deeper issues relating to childhood involved.
Women are subconciously attracted to dominating men. This is the best answer. It may be the confidence these abusive husbands show, or the “I’m the boss here” attitude. Attraction can be very wierd at times.
i am a woman who likes to be dominated, and am 30 if it matters. domination and abuse are completly different. i will not be abused, and don’t enjoy pain. but having a guy tell me how to behave and to know that i belong to him, well, i like that. i get a satisfaction for doing well.
however, my ex threw me against the wall twice. then he went to jail. the only reason he didn’t go the first time was because he wrestled the phone out of my hand. he tried that the second time too, but i ran out of the house and down to the main street where i found a cop.
Right- a significant Minority of women (and men, too) like to be Dominated. In the hands of a sicko- that can lead to abuse. I don’t know of any SANE women who like to be abused for real. I say 'for real" because I don’t consider bedroom games 'for real"- I had one GF that would have a huge orgasm from having hot wax dripped on her during sex play. That does not mean that she liked being hurt outside of “play”.
Now- I’d say that a small majority of women like a man who is “in charge” - but that’s not quite the same thing.