Do they ALL have ex-boyfriends?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

It fucking happened again. Two nights ago, I had a great first date with a cute, attractive and quite intelligent woman. Things apparently clicked quite well … we got together at 7:00 PM, didn’t part ways until 11:30, and there was a nice kiss goodnight, which should mean something. Right?

Nope. Not in my case. Never in my case.

I had a nice time with you on Monday night. But right now, I’m going to have to say “no thanks” to getting together this weekend. While I had fun with you, a lot of my thoughts that night were of my ex-boyfriend and that wasn’t fair to you. I think I’m going to go visit a friend this weekend as I need to figure out some stuff about my life. I just don’t think that I’m ready to start dating again right now. And I’m sorry about that because you’re a great guy.

My friends call it the “Curse of [insert real name here].” Every woman that I seem to click with either goes back to the ex-boyfriend, or has so many lingering issues from their last relationship that the thought of a second date with me is unimaginable. EVERY WOMAN. I’ve had friends recommend me as a date to their female friends who want to get back with their ex-boyfriends, because that’s apparently the effect I have on the relationships of others.

The odds that every single woman that I date would have ex-boyfriend issues would be astronomical, though. Yes, I’ve become friends with a few women who gave me the “old boyfriend” line, and guess what … they did get back with the old boyfriend. Personally, though, I’m beginning to believe that it’s really just an implied “sorry, no click, not interested, go away dork,” and that the “old boyfriend issues” just a nice way to skirt the unpleasantries of saying “I changed my mind, and now take back the click I apparently felt because of this, that, this and that. You suck, now leave me alone.”

This is getting ridiculous. I have no idea what I’m doing wrong; I’ve taken “test dates” with female friends, who say that I’m really not breaking any taboos, not doing anything that would make a woman say “eeeewwww,” that I’m attractive, that I’m not some milquetoasty “nice guy” nor am I “Assholio.” Maybe it is a curse, a destiny … that my purpose in life is to guide young lovers that somehow parted paths back together again, and that love is never, ever going to be a part of my life.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

2

I feel your pain.

3

So, when can I send my ex- to you ? :smiley:

But seriously, great OP. And a Happy New Year then :slight_smile:

4

You too, huh?

5

I’d give you some hugs, but I’m not usually the cyber-hug kinda girl. I am sorry that you’re feeling bad and wish you much much better luck in the new year.

Can I ask what age group your dating pool is? Maybe it’s not even relevant, but sometimes younger women have a harder time figuring out what they want.

Aw, hell. Maybe everyone does.

I will tell you that there are people out there that are not like the people you’re dating. Don’t give up hope.

6

That’s nuthin. Everyone I’ve gotten seriously involved with has found their life-mate within 2 months of dumping me. I produce a lot of marriages. heheh.

:stuck_out_tongue:

7

My dating pool … well, I’m 36, and the women I consider “datable” are usually 30 to 40. I tend not to go after “Barbie” types, either; I like girl-next-door types, which fortunately seem to be in great abundance in the Midwest. The most recent “issues girl” is a tenured college professor, lest anyone think I’m dating airheads.

BTW, that woman who said she had old boyfriend issues … sh wrote again to say that she really did have old boyfriend issues, and she apologized for wasting my time.

The thing is … all of 'em have old boyfriend issues. All of them. Why can’t I ever be the old boyfriend some woman is pining for? Why can’t I ever meet a woman right after she gets over her ex?

8

Hey you’re a free meal. Think of all those ladies you’re keeping well fed.

9

Lots of guys would dump a woman that brought her old boyfriend into the picture. This saves you time from having to do the dumping.

10

Keep a book. Make return calls.

"Hi, Susan? This is elmwood. I took you out to see Proof of Life the February of last year?

"That’s right, the guy with the hair. I was just calling to see how you’ve been doing. Still working for that B of A? Did your sister get through that thing ok? Uh huh.

“And how did that whole thing with Charlie work out? Yeah? Well, that’s great. It’s been good to hear from you. I’ll be giving you a call around this time next year. Take care of yourself. You too. Bye.”

11

I personally think dating should be abolished.

12

Amen, brother! I’ve gotten a few too many knives in my back in recent times from the whole “dating game.” Being a crazy old hermit is looking better and better, all the time.

13

Ah. I see. Elmwood, I have your dating solution.

Me.

:slight_smile:

14

Is In Consequential in New Mexico? The good ones are always geographically undesirable …

15

elmwood, I empathise with you it sucks, but it happens both ways, alot of guys have just as much baggage, my ex who I was going to marry, up and left because his ex felt that being 40 something in age was too much and that he took her best years and so he owed it to her to marry her. Whelp after a few months of what shall i do who do i dump… he up and left because he couldnt deal with the guilt trip she was pulling on him and he told me she cried alot… and so that left me single :slight_smile:

You know sometimes you just dont know the extent of someones baggage and how much of a role it is playing on the person your dating. At least she was honest enough to do it after the first date, not a year later. If its meant to be it will happen. Sometimes all you can be is not enough but it will be to that one person where everything fits to give it a chance and not have their past relationships affect present ones.

16

Hey, Kansas City women are tough. I had to go all the way to Topeka to find mine. :wink:

And you know you’re desperate when… Topeka is involved. :slight_smile:

Um, hi, Hon!

17

Join the club. My last girlfriend pulled this shit on me. It was difficult for me to accept her breaking it off, but she kept telling me that I needed to let go of her and move on with my life. Meanwhile, she was telling me that she still had feelings for her ex-husband (who had just gotten out of prison in another state-- yeah, real winner of an ex-hubby you got there). I felt that this made her a hypocrite.

18

Could be worse… they could be hung up on an ex-girlfriend :slight_smile:

19

elmwood,
Have you tried the pre-emptive strike technique? At the end of a date, especially where clicking was involved, tell her that you don’t feel right dating her because of issues with your ex-girlfriend (or maybe ex-boyfriend, make her think you can be ‘converted’ :cool). Being unavailable can be very attractive. Then after a few days or weeks, if she calls back to inquire, you can tell her how unhappy you are because your ex-gf got back with her ex-bf, and it sure is nice to hear from her again.
This may seem rather cold and calculating, because it is, but desparate times call for desparate measures!

20

Elmwood, I run into the same thing – every guy I’m interested in already has a girlfriend. Even the one I nearly married had one, which is another reason it was strictly friendship for the first few years. I suppose Pittsburgh’s geographically undesirable, too.

CJ