Is there anyone he can talk to? It sounds like this is really eating him up. I hope he is okay. I think in a situation like that it is okay to cry. Maybe even helpful
I think crying is okay to a certin extent, but just having crying jags for something little just really makes me feel like i’m standing next to a weepy idiot. Guys can cry in situations where it’s things like fuenrals, seeing or hearing something that truly touches an emotion inside you, or remembering a sorrowful thing while talking about it. I just don’t tend to cry a lot, and not in front of people. When one of my friends died a few years ago, i was one of the few who didn’t cry up until the funeral. Then I was sobbing quietly. But the one person I refuse to show any signs of being upset in front of is my mother. She just makes me more upset if i do show that I’m upset.
I don’t know. At first I wanted to do what I could to help him. I email when I can, I send cards/letters/pictures. My BF doesn’t do these things because he doesn’t like his father either. But I do what I can to keep the lines of communication open. He’s not a bad guy. And if it was just something that happened recently, I would be more sympathetic. But he has been falling apart for more than two years now.
I don’t have a problem with the fact he cries. I have a problem with the fact that that is all he does.
This is what I was trying to get at, albeit circuitously. I don’t like upsetting other people.
BratMan, when my brother died I cried, but only in private for the entire week he was in the hospital. My BF just couldn’t handle the situation, so I learned to hide it from him. That didn’t make my private tears any less cathartic, it just made me more sensitive to the people around me.
After he died I moved on, remembering all the wonderful things he was. I didn’t even cry at the funeral. Certain songs can still bring me to tears, but only if I’m feeling self-indulgent. If I’m with anybody, or if I’m distracted, they don’t affect me.
I think it’s rude to cry in public; it’s like begging for attention.
I am impressed that you can keep your emotions that well controlled. I end up crying in public, feeling like an idiot and heading for the closest bathroom, but I am wimp
I don’t cry, and I’m pretty sure if my boyfriend started crying, I’d feel like slapping him in the face and telling him to pull himself together.
Sometimes you need to cry. Stuffing everything down isn’t healthy and can wind you up pretty tight. I’ve been there. I even wrote an article about it: http://members.tripod.com/~Bob_Baloo/ididntcry.htm
[inexpert opinion follows]
As far as the BF’s father who cries all the time, it sounds as if he’s got a lot of symptoms of depression.
All those symptoms describe behaviors associated with depression. Sounds like serious depression to me. Missing his son is probably not the cause, though it could be a trigger for the tears. In my experience, what starts the waterworks usually isn’t what filled up the reservoir in the first place.[/inexpert opinion]
I could not cry in the presence of TW, and in retrospect, it’s just as well. Crying (done right) is a release that is best done in privacy or in the company of a sympathetic person.
Women who don’t like men who cry wouldn’t be bothered by me. I probably wouldn’t feel emotionally safe in their presence and would keep it under wraps until they were gone.
A little bit goes a LOOOOOOOOONG way.
I’m a little alarmed by everyone who has said flatly, “I don’t cry.” Really? Ever? I just can’t imagine that.
I cry alone when upset and sad, and in public only if my valiant attempts at control fail and whatever is causing the pain is just too intense to let me have time to get to a private spot. I never cry “on purpose” (How would you do that?) or to be manipulative, and never in front of others besides my SO if I can possibly help it. However, I do cry when hurt, extremely angry, and when moved sentimentally (but these are happy tears that are accompanied by a smile.) It’s not a deliberate act, just a reaction.
As for the OP, yes, I really like men who cry. I don’t mean the sort of hysterical or manipulative crying a couple people have described, which I haven’t experienced first hand. But I want a man who isn’t afraid to admit if he’s hurting (and if my mate’s hurting I want to be able to offer comfort), and a man with enough tender-heartedness to be moved by sentimental things once in a while. SO cygnus is a perfect specimen, by my standards. He rarely has tears of sadness except in serious circumstances (death in the family, etc), but he will tear up when moved by something appropriately moving, beautiful, or sentimental. One of the things I most love about our relationship is knowing that, when I’m tearing up at a heartbreakingly touching scene in some movie, I can look over and know that he will probably be tearing up too. We laugh together and pass one another the kleenex box. He is both rugged and strong, pysically and emotionally, but I love him because he’s got a real heart underneath. He’s way more manly to me because of his very human feelings than any stong, silent (and tearless) type would ever be. I don’t want to hold daily sob-fests, but I like knowing I don’t have to be afraid of tears.
Just my .02.
I like the type of guy who seldom cries, but when he does, you know he really means it. There’s nothing manipulative or weak, just a very strong emotion with tears being the best outlet.
I cry the worst when I’m frustrated. If I’m really aggravated and just going into a rage, it’s Niagara Falls. The funny thing is, if the cause is a person, they might be amused that they made me cry, not realizing that the tears are from the strain of not pummeling them to death.
Headaches have also caused tears, if they are bad enough.
I like a man who can cry. I’m not much of a crier myself, but if you don’t cry, ever --not even at your infant daughter’s funeral-- well then you are emotionally stunted.
I must admit, if you and I were ever having a really heated arguement and I start to cry, it means you are about to get beat up. I cry when I’m really angry and fustrated.
Weepy people (male or female) who cry at the drop of a hat are just plain annoying. But that’s just MHO.
i’ve cried, recently even. just don’t do it much, hardly ever. but things got pretty bottled up and rough, so i had to let go. i don’t see that it matters, crying doesn’t neccesarily show sensitivity or insensitivity, i think it’s just an emotional vent, sensitivity is shown by actions (other than crying) as well as thoughts (IMO).
Sometimes if I’ve got a big backlog of bottled-up emotion, I’ll watch a movie guaranteed to get things going (alone, of course – the dogs don’t mind, so they don’t count). Most of the sure-fire starters are Christmas movies with poigniant moments (“It’s a Wonderful Life” works pretty well, as do some versions of “A Christmas Carol”). “Cheaper by the Dozen” Works every time, too.
There’s a scene where the daughters are summoned back from a party (or something) and the little boy is sitting on the front porch with one of the maids. They ask him “What’s wrong?” and he looks at them, sobbing and says “Our daddy’s dead!”
Gets me every time. I try not to watch that flick without kleenex handy for that very scene. If I’m not very stressed, I shed a few tears & blow my nose, but when I was going through my divorce, I saw that movie and forgot about the scene until I saw it. Good thing I was alone. The dogs were alarmed, though.