I do not expect this things to be done to me solely because of I am woman. I expect them to be done out of courtesy. I open doors for guys and I’ve given my gloves and jackets to guys and gals that needed them more than I did. I was raised that way…or maybe not that way, but that is how it turned out.
The only one person that has put himself in the side of traffic to protect me from coming cars is my older brother. I really don’t notice if someone else does it for me, but he is quite obvious (“KG, walk by my side. This side”.).
then as far as I am concerned a true gentleman is sexist. No woman is one iota more special than any man by virtue of her gender (or her sex. Which one do you use when determining manners?).
First, it does take a degree of expectaion, because the majority of encounters with members of the oppisite gender are one-shot deals–people you interact with in passing. You odn’t get a few tries. So a girl has to be trained to expect these courtesies in all venues, or else it won’t happen most of hte time–and trust me, learning to stop and let the strange man get to the door into the video store first so that he can open it for you requires a deep-down attitude shift. Otherwise, it isn’t automatic, and you’ve already made it to the door before you realized there was a man a few steps behind you.
Furthermore, I don’t agree with the statement “for a woman to respond in kind.” By these rules a woman dosen’t get to respond in kind–instead, she has to constantly be grateful and thankful but is never allowed to return the favor except by looking pretty. Even if a man dosen’t “expect” anything in return, it creates a debt–rather the way someone who always pays for dinner and refuses to let any of his friends ever pick up the check is being an asshole by hogging all the “nice guy points,” a guy who never lets a woman open a door, pick up a dropped piece of paper, put on her own coat, do the driving, help him sit down, carry anything heavy etc., etc. is not being kind.
One thing that I did not see mentioned here (forgive me if it is): Helping your girl out of the car. Usually this is not an issue, but when you are going somewhere special (read: wearing tall shoes) it is a BIG BIG help. Maybe I just need more practice, but I find getting out of a low-to-the-ground car in a skirt and heels without getting road-mud on myself or hitting my head on the roof requires a lot of skill. Simply having a hand there to keep my balance (and pull me out of the door :D) is wonderful. sigh I wish my BF would get the hint when he is standing there waiting for me to unfold myself out of his car…though he always opens the door for me, apparently this falls under the class of “opening the door on exit” which is not necessary…
PS I think the woman gets the special treatment here because of the limitations of her clothes, not just because she is Woman.
The rest, door opening etc. I do my best to do for everyone else, M or F.
*Standing when someone enters a room: Actually, you stand for women or for people older than you. In a formal situation I (a 26 year old woman) would stand if a woman my mother’s age entered the room. I would also stand if an older man entered the room. I would not stand for a man my own age, but he would stand for me and for all the people listed above, and also for women younger than me.
*Opening car and other doors: Useful in formal situations…managing dresses and heels is hard enough without having to handle doors and such as well. I guess I’d have to narrow this down, if I’m dressing up for an event with a gentleman, then part of the expected behavior is that he’ll open doors and manage chairs for me, because I’m making myself look pretty in a way that’s impossible to manage alone.
All of the above should be done only by people known to me. I don’t like strangers opening doors for me and thus being right behind me as I enter a building; being a lady takes second place to being a sensible human being bent on protecting myself.
I guess it all breaks down to that. I don’t want to be protected by strange men, I want to protect myself FROM strange men. I wish more gentlemen would understand that; it’d keep me from having to be downright explicitly rude. “No, thank you, I don’t want you to open the door for me…no, thank you. No. No, I don’t want you following me in. No!” (Of course, real gentlemen wouldn’t keep pressuring me…)
I’ve used many of these at one time or another, except the kissing the hand thing- maybe only when I’m joking around with a female friend or flirting with a girl I know well.
Lately I’ve gotten in the habit of wearing a hat whenever practical. Not a baseball cap, but a real black felt hat. Two questions: When is it appropriate to tip your hat?
And exactly what sort of motion is tipping the hat- do you actually remove it, or just sort of tilt it forward for a moment while keeping it on your head? I don’t wanna look silly.
Objectively that may be true, Manda JO, but if some of us men feel that way subjectively, do you really think it’s a problem?
I do indeed feel that womankind is special. I don’t open a door for a woman because I think she can’t do it herself. I open a door for a woman because I think she shouldn’t have to do it herself.
If that makes me a sexist, then slap me with that label.
Are there some women who are not ladies? Certainly. But the argument COULD be made that a lady is made (at least partially) by receiving the treatment that a lady deserves. So by treating all women as ladies, I think I’m doing my part to elevate ALL women to that place I already think many of them deserve.
Sexist? You make the call.
And to the person who said that some “gentlemen” are just flirting and trolling for dates … well, this has nothing to do with flirting.