Do you believe in "respecting your elders?"

[Martini_Enfield]

@JoeSki

I’ve met far too many elderly customers who were far too big of a pain in my ass to start respecting people just because they could be more wise than me right off the bat. Many old people are bitter, stubborn, selfish, and stuck in their ways. Some will tell you the way things oughta be and the way YOU should do YOUR job just because they feel they’re entitled to getting their way.

So no. Just like anyone else, if an older person wants my respect, they’re going to have to prove they’re deserving of it.

Couldn’t have put it better myself.

I’ve never called anyone “Sir” or “Ma’am” in anything except a sarcastic or humorous sense; unless you have a Knighthood or you’re an officer in the Military, it’s inappropriate and usually insincere, IMHO.

Even then, I’d still refer to an officer by rank (Captain Blackadder, for example), and a Knight as “Sir (whatever their name was)”, rather than simply “Sir”.

My experiences with the Elderly in retail have been increasingly negative (for reasons outlined so succinctly by JoeSki, but in general I extend the same courtesy to everyone else that I’d expect to receive myself, regardless of age etc.

[Nava]

I believe in respecting people who have more experience than me, without regard to age. In general, older people have more life experience than me (some manage not to in spite of being older), even if they don’t have more in other things.

I instinctively use the respectful form usted when adressing much-older people, unless their previous manner indicates they’ll prefer the familiar tú. This is a bit of a problem now that Spain has so many immigrants, because in some countries the two forms have the opposite relationship, but most people know about this so it’s more commonly a source of giggles than of embarrasment.

I also start any relationship with a certain level of respect, let’s say 50 on a % scale. From there you can gain more respect or lose some. Arbitrariness will lose you respect real fast. I get in trouble quite easily with people who think I have to answer orders that I don’t understand or find absurd with “yeh bwana”… but hey, it’s mutual

[MandaJo]

@Martini Enfield

Couldn’t have put it better myself.

I’ve never called anyone “Sir” or “Ma’am” in anything except a sarcastic or humorous sense; unless you have a Knighthood or you’re an officer in the Military, it’s inappropriate and usually insincere, IMHO.

I want to point out that this varies enourmously be region: in the US, and especially the Southern US, “Sir” or “Ma’am” are perfectly routine and in no way insincere.

[Clothahump]

@DudleyGarrett

A friend and I had this discussion recently.

I usually extend a courtesy to those in generations older than mine. I think nothing of calling older men “sir” and older women “ma’am.” Conversely, I do not extend the same to members of my generation and those younger.

I did this in front of said friend and he asked why I did this. I replied that I thought it shows good character to respect your elders moreso than those equal or younger than you. He disagreed. He believed that showing everyone the same amount is respect was fine and didn’t understand why elders have earned such recognition based simply on their age.

A general rule of thumb is that one does not get to be old by being stupid. That used to be a lot truer in bygone years, but it still holds true. That’s a good reason to start out showing courtesy to them.

[Beware_of_Doug]

@HazelNutCoffee

What DianaG said. I grew up in a household (and in my later years, in a society) where respect for your elders was literally beaten into me (not by my parents so much, more my teachers in Korea). Ironically it made me realize how stupid it was to respect people based solely on their age […]

…or because your were beaten?

Or is that carrying irony a bit too far?

[Adoptamom_II]

@Manda JO

I want to point out that this varies enourmously be region: in the US, and especially the Southern US, “Sir” or “Ma’am” are perfectly routine and in no way insincere.

Deep south checking in and good manners are taught from when a child begins to talk. My granddaughter is 14 months and says “please and thank you” already.

As for demonstrating respect in conversation, I’ve taught my children to give it to anyone who is older than them, in a position of authority, or in any service industry. Even if someone proves not to be respect worthy, we are still respectful in our tone and manner when speaking to them. I’m 45 years old and when I pull through the drive through at McDonald’s I don’t care if the kid in the window is 16 - they are in the service industry and I say yes mam, please, thank you, etc.

[WhyNot]

@Sublight

I’m fuzzy on the distinction between ‘respect’ and ‘courtesy’, but in general I try to be courteous to everyone until they demonstrate they deserve otherwise. Often I’ll still continue just to demonstrate to any witnesses that they deserve otherwise.

I made this distinction in another thread recently (and killed it):

I guess many people have a different definition of the term “respect”. What I hear most of you saying is that everyone deserves to be treated civilly and politely without having to prove their worth to get it. And with that, I totally agree. I don’t think anyone should be talked down to or spoken rudely to - whether I respect them or not. But that’s not “respect”, it’s “manners”.

Manners isn’t the same thing as respect. “Respect”, to me, means that I have observed your behavior and found it worthy of emulation, esteem and/or praise. That can only be earned.

However, telling someone they must earn your respect is very poor manners.

Some of “my elders” I find worthy of emulation, esteem and/or praise, and some I don’t.

I mean, GWB is my elder, after all!

[Enright3]

I didn’t read all of this thread, but wanted to post…
I don’t “elder” has anything to do with it. I generally try to be as polite as possible, regardless of whom the recipients of my niceties are.

[Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus]

Being, sort of, on the way to becoming an elder, I don’t want to be treated differently. I’d rather be treated like anyone else and think everyone’s entitled to respect, at least as long as they don’t behave like jerks or asses.