Do you borrow money from your SO?

Hubby and I don’t have this kind of arrangement. If I need cash and I’m not near an ATM, he’ll just give it to me and vice versa. These occasions are very rare, however. If there’s something he really wants, he buys it. If for some strange reason he doesn’t have the money for it, he waits until he does. The same goes for me. If it’s a large item for the house like a TV or DVD player, one of us just buys it. If it’s something really expensive, like a car, we go 50/50 or thereabouts.

I was reading a few posts and saw a few people mentioning they loaned money to their SO. The concept seems foreign to me.

So, I have a few questions. If you loan money to or borrow money from your SO is there a monetary limit? How much time passes before you’re paid back or you pay back the loan? Do you have to remind your SO to repay you? Are you married? If not, will this change once you get married?

As always, thanks.
On preview I was thinking of, much in the style of a certain, beloved poster, renaming the title of this thread to Why do people borrow money from their SO? :smiley:

Yes, my wife borrows money from me. I also borrow food from her refrigirator. She borrows my washing machine, I borrow her dryer. The freezer is communal property. She borrows my oil so that she can put it in her frying pan to cook my dinner. I put her kids to bed (but they are mine when they are good). So far I have yet to pay her back for the food in the fridge, so I think I’m ahead of the game… :smiley:

Zev Steinhardt

If they are really your SIGNIFICANT other, than what is yours is theirs, and theirs is yours. My SO and I have shared since the first week we met, and 21 years later it still seems to work just fine.

Exceptions would be if he/she is a compulsive gambler/drinker/shopper…but that’s another thread.

We don’t differentiate into ‘your money’ vs. ‘my money’. It’s all ours. I try to stay out of her panties, tho. Unless she’s wearing them, of course.

My wife and I have separate accounts. Well, I added her to my checking account, but she still regards that money as “mine” and asks me before she will write a check from that account.

And I’ve offered to pay off her credit card debt, but she won’t let me. I wish she would, because ultimately, we’re both losing money to Visa. At least, that’s the way I look at it.

I think that after we buy a house together things will blend together a bit more. I hope so.

Yes, and it’s really borrowing, and I do pay it back. If we were married, it would be communal property. But as it is, it’s me and my son living with my SO, and I don’t want to be beholden to my SO in any way. I know that he wouldn’t make me feel that way, but I would feel that way. I want my son to know that I can take care of both of us, in or out of a relationship.

I’m married and therefore consider any money “our money”, but this is not always the way it works in marriage. It works for us. :slight_smile:

If I need to buy something but don’t have enough money on me, the SO will pay the rest, and I do the same for him. We repay large amounts of money but don’t sweat the small stuff, since it probably evens out over time.

Nope. What’s hers is hers and what’s mine is mine.
If I want something big, then I save.
If she wants something big, then she saves.
If we both want the same big thing, then we draw down the mortgage and awaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go. Woohoo !

I don’t know about married folks.

But I will bleed from my eyes before I ever borrow money from a GF. In my book, that’s just something you don’t do. Banks, family, friends, OK, but not the GF.

We have my money, his money and our money (two seperate accounts for our own doings and one joint one for mortage payments, bills and groceries). If I need money for the bus, but am short on change, I’ll ask him for money from his wallet.

Like Tansu, we have my money, his money and our money. We don’t use checking accounts for our personal money, though. We give ourselves a weekly allowance that is for our own personal use. He buys what he wants; I buy what I want; neither of us has to ever argue over finances. No, “Why did you buy that?” or “Please don’t spend any more money for a while.”

Big purchases like a TV or furniture get discussed and purchased out of our joint account.

We do borrow from each other on occasion and always pay back. We’ve been married eight years.

It depends. When one of us runs short of cash and borrows money to last until we can get to an ATM (no small task, Japan’s banking system is still in the 19th century with no sign of ever getting a clue), that money gets paid back. OTOH, when one of us treats for dinner and the other wants to pay their share, we usually keep it loosely balanced by letting the other buy dessert or pay for the video rental, rather than trying to keep track of everything.

The only time I have borrowed any money from the SO has been if I was short of cash, and then it was chump change. It’s never been more than $20.00 (twenty), and I’ve always paid it back within twenty-four hours. She, on the other hand, has borrowed hundreds. Sometimes she has paid it back, sometimes she hasn’t. I won’t loan her more than $20.00 anymore. Her fiscal irresponsibility is one of the major problems that is grinding away our relationship.

Maybe that’s what I don’t understand, DaToad. Why on earth would your wife need to borrow hundreds of dollars from you? What’s she doing with it? I assume if she’s borrowing it from you the reason is because she doesn’t have it. Is that correct?

If the answers to my questions are none of my business, by all means just ignore me. I’m just fascinated (read: mystified) by people borrowing money from the SO (well, really, spouse). I assume if you live in the same house you know each other’s expenses, bills, debts, etc. I can’t think of a single reason I’d need to borrow a large amount of money from my husband. If I’m off to have lunch with a friend and it’s a cash only establishment or I’m not sure, hubby’ll give me thirty dollars (or whatever I need). If we’re out and I see something I want and, again, it’s a cash only place, he’ll just buy it for me (as you can see, I rarely have cash on me). If we’re in a store that sells male and female clothing and we both get item, I’ll usually just pay for it. Sometimes he will if he has a large amount of cash on him.

He usually has cash because he just has a regular ATM card. I have a MasterMoney card. We only use our real credit card for emergencies or credit card only transactions (car rentals, hotel reservations, etc.).

I guess we might be considered a little antiquated. My hubby is very budget-conscious, so he gave me a set amount that I could take out of our account each week for my own.

I use it to get stuff I want, stuff the kids want or take the kids on outings.

This way, I don’t have to ask for money and he doesn’t stress out when I go to the ATM. We’ve done this ever since I became a stay-at-home mom seven years ago, and it works great for us.


I would never co-mingle my money with a girlfriend.

But now that I’m married, there is absolutely no my money/her money distinction. We have one checking account for both of us; each of us draws money as needed and deposits money as earned. We certainly discuss any big expenditures, but from a “can we/should we” perspective, not a “this is my money that you’re using” point of view.

Obviously, different strokes for different folks, and there’s no rule that says any particular solution is the “right” one. But for myself, just my personal approach… I can’t imagine feeling married and still retaining a separate account, or “loaning” money to my wife. It’s our money, our house, our child. That was what marriage meant to us.

  • Rick

My SO and I each have our own money. We’ve only lived together for about 2 months, though - and she is not as financially responsible as I am. I freak out if I think a bill will be so much as a day late and she just shrugs her shoulders at it all. As I speak (type), I have all my bills until July paid in full.

We tend to take turns with getting dinner or a movie, etc - it tends to even out that way. It’s a weird combination because while I make more money, I’m also more responsible. She’s extremely generous with her money to a fault and so if I say, “I can’t do that because I want to watch my money…” she’s more apt to agree but she will never admit that upfront. She finds a budget extremely restricting and I find it tremendously freeing.

So - my money, her money and until we are (HA HA HA) legally married (HA HA HA - God, I just kill me) or she becomes insanely responsible, that’s how it will stay.


p.s. Um, I’m not being an asshole - the HA HAs are cause I’m gay.

We “borrow” money back and forth but it’s not ever paid back. The dollars are communal property. We use “borrow” as a way to say, “Can I take money from your wallet and not cause you any problems today?”

I’m the only one with a job so communal money is the only way to go. She’s got a job, too, but the kids have yet to post a profit.

JuanitaTech, While this is really a sore subject for me, I don’t mind telling you part of the sordid tale. First, we are not married and her finances are her own. Since we have lived together, (5 years, she moved in with me) she has contributed toward rent. Although we agreed on a set amount per month, what she contributed was often less, depending on her spending habits. I finally made her do a direct payroll deposit to my bank account, so now her share is always the right amount, and on time. She borrowed money ($380.00) at Christmas and I got about half back.

She is a compulsive shopper and because she cannot control her spending she had to declare bankruptcy. I grew tired of being her money tree, so I don’t loan or give her any money anymore. I definitely want to keep our finances separate.