This is just for Dopers who share household expenses and buy new clothes beyond the absolute basics. So I’m not talking about the bare minimum, socks and tighteywhities and non-brand jeans and shirts.
But if you want to buy new clothes to stay fashionable, or you went shopping and really liked something that you don’t really need…then how have you and your SO agreed it should be paid for?
Poll to follow.
I voted for the first option but that’s not strictly true.
A few years ago we put ourselves on an allowance for optional expenses. Most clothes we buy fall into the joint “need it for work” category but anything I buy because “Ohhh, pretty” I take out of my allowance.
We have a similar issue with computer gear. If my husband can convince me it’s a requirement it’s joint, otherwise it’s a toy and it’s out of his account.
I voted for the third option- although I think clothes are one of his hobbies,too.
It depends on the clothes. Some clothes are necessities, some are luxuries. Same with computer programs. My husband has given me, as gifts, utility programs. Nope, those don’t qualify as gifts, those are necessities. Gifts need to be something that the recipient wants and will enjoy. I almost never use utility programs. Now, another person might enjoy such programs very much, and regard them as toys.
Anyway, I could probably get by for quite a few years with just the clothes I currently own, especially since I can mend and make over clothes. So most of my clothes purchases would fall into the category of luxuries, which comes out of my personal account.
We charge our clothes to our separate spending budgets, but we charge everything–fun or necessities–to someone’s budget. We only charge it to “household” when we both actually use it.
Joint account. Neither of us is exactly crazy about shopping, but there would be zero problem is either of us decided to splurge on something. In fact we’d be glad that the other person spent something.
None of the above, really.
Husband makes 99% of the money, I do 99% of everything else. We trust each other to buy what we need, and get things we don’t strictly need but want on a reasonable basis. Neither one of us is clothes-crazy, so it’s not really that big a deal, honestly.
Our respective hobbies do have specialized gear though that can be very pricey (motorcycles and horses) especially the safety gear. We buy top quality safety gear and consider it money well spent 
Fortunately we have not had to replace it too frequently!
I’m with the majority–AOMIJM. I make most of it, wife spends most of it (and does the bills etc., so it’s all good). And clothes are not a big deal in my family (purses, on the other hand . . . ).
Joint account, we both know how to budget and spend whatever we want whenever we want.
We don’t have “allowances” or a set budget for what goes into joint vs. individual bank accounts. We each have our paychecks deposited into our respective individual accounts, and then transfer the bulk of each paycheck into a joint account that is used to pay household expenses (mortgage, groceries, utilities, insurance, or whatever). I don’t monitor his spending, and he doesn’t monitor mine. Purchases for the household are decided jointly if they are large enough (appliances, electronics, etc.), or at least run by each other if it’s something minor, but that we will both be using (linens, kitchen gadgets, etc.)
If our budget were tighter, we might be more structured about it, but we purposely bought less house than the bank told us we could afford so that we wouldn’t have to stress about a few dollars here and there.
So far our account has stayed steady, so we haven’t created a budget to stick to. Were it to drop too far, we would. So for the time being clothes are my hobby and he has his.
I guess I’ve never understood how a couple could commit their lives together but want to keep finances separate - barring certain special cases where one person has a known problem with money-handling, or finances need to be kept separate for legal reasons, etc.
The only times I’ve had separate accounts from a spouse or live-together partner were when the relationship was in deep trouble and headed for dissolution. Any other time, if your lives are mutual, shared finances are part of the deal. When do separate checking accounts NOT indicate a lack of commitment, or a lack of belief in a future together?
My wife and I keep seperate accounts, but there are no financial secrets (…that I know of). If I’m going to spend a lot of money on a suit or a TV or computer or whatever, I need to make a case for it. Likewise if she wants to buy a set of dishes or take a vacation or whatever.
We don’t argue over money, but we make a good living, so there’s no day-to-day concerns about paying the bills. (I never stop being thankful for this. I’ve lived without money and the stress on a relationship is unbelievable).
It’s not about lack of trust, etc. I think if the joint checking account were our sole account, the recordkeeping would drive us both insane – I don’t want to have to chase down his ATM receipts. We have multiple joint accounts and financial obligations (the mortgage, the car, etc.).
My maternal grandparents had “his, hers, and ours” accounts for their entire marriage of almost 70 years, which lasted until my grandfather died – I’d sure rather use them as my role model than my paternal grandparents. My paternal grandmother was so dependent on my grandfather to handle the finances that she literally didn’t know how to use her own ATM card or call home from a pay phone using a calling card (back when that was the norm). It’s about maintaining a certain measure of independence in day-to-day minor financial matters, and that is all it is.
I think for a lot of couples its just a useful tool to keep track of income vs spending. If both people are making deposits and withdrawals from one account, it can be easy to overdraw if you don’t realize the other person went out to lunch that day or just paid the cable bill or whatever.
When we were poor, my wife and I did that. Now that we have more money, the risk of overdrawing due to minor day-to-day purchases isn’t really a problem, and we’ve merged accounts.
None of those answers really apply. The closest would be “All our money is joint money. I spend it on clothes and spouse kind of hates that” with the “I” and “spouse” reversed.
In our household, my wife has her own bank account and I have my own bank account(s). Most purchases go on my credit card and that bill usually gets paid from my bank account, but sometimes my wife transfers money from her bank account to (one of) mine. I think she buys too many clothes (she has quite a few things that have never been worn, for instance) but I suppose she earns her own money and she can do whatever she wants with it.
The reason for separate accounts is because different people have different priorities. If my husband desperately wants that $5000 gun, then I think he should pay for it out of his own discretionary funds. And if I want a multi-game arcade cabinet, which also costs a few thousand dollars, then I should have to pay for it from MY discretionary account. We pay for household expenses from the household account, and don’t worry about if we splurge on shellfish (which my husband loves, but I can’t stand) or artichokes or lamb (vice versa). We don’t worry about the penny-ante stuff. But we’ve found that we’re both much happier if our discretionary money is in separate accounts. Why should I pay for his cable/satellite TV service, when I don’t watch TV? Why should he pay for my subscription to online games, when he is Not Allowed to play my characters? We’ve been married for over 35 years now, ever since we were 19. We’re pretty committed to each other.
Being married doesn’t mean that you and your partner have exactly the same ideas and philosophies and priorities. Yeah, you try to work things out, but sometimes you have to let your partner be different.
Joint account and we just take from it. We make it a practice to let the other know if we’re planning to drop over $50 but that’s mainly a heads up so no one goes into the day not knowing the other just took $250 out of the account. But neither of us actually “vetoes” the other person (“No, you can’t buy that blouse!”) although they might say we should wait for the next paycheck.
My wife spends with a mature attitude though and I barely buy clothes at all so it’s all good.
Joint account. We agree that spending on looking decent is a legitimate expense.
Neither of us is a clothes horse, so buying clothes isn’t a problem. That being said, we are both very aware of the budget and usually mention if we are going shopping or whatever. Not ask permission, but make the other person aware we’ve spent some money. If either of us is planning to make a larger purchase, we generally discuss it with the other person. Something like, “Hey, I was going to buy [that thing that costs money] this week…or should I wait until after next payday? What do you think?”
IMVHO, this represents the center of sense and sensibility for a married or committed couple.
I will fully concede that other ways, like completely separate finances, work for some, but I have been racking my brain trying to think of a couple I’ve known that (1) had separate finances and (2) did not have pronounced issues of one sort or another (open marital problems, one or the other having serious money management faults, or a clear lack of long term commitment).
The argument that a couple needs separate finances so they don’t step on each other’s toes would seem to indicate a profound lack of communication and cooperation… again, IMVHO. There should be plenty of opportunity for one to say, as Rhiannon does above, “I’m going to spend on ____, any problem with that?” - and I see communication on both the financial and other levels as crucial to a relationship’s happiness and success. I mean, if you really don’t care that he goes and spends $5k on some golf clubs, what do you care about?