I’m meeting a friend of mine for dinner tonight, and he just texted me saying “let’s go watch a movie.” My immediate reaction was “my boyfriend would not be 100% comfortable with this, and neither am I.” (I didn’t say that - just made an excuse saying I don’t have time to watch a movie after dinner tonight.)
This particular guy is someone I have a bit of a history with - we never so much as kissed, but he carried a torch for me all throughout college. He begged me to give him a chance and go out with him at least on a few dates - I relented in our final year of college and went on one date with him, but then told him that no, I could never see this working out. He signed up for his mandatory army service the day after (he was originally planning to do an ROTC).
To me, going to see a movie seems a bit intimate. I polled my (two) male coworkers and they agreed that it would be weird for someone in a relationship to go to the movies with someone they had a history with. It’s not that I think he’s trying to initiate anything - he knows I’m in a serious relationship. The weird feeling is purely on my part.
Sometimes people go to the movies for dates, but they also go out for dinner for dates and you don’t seem to have a problem going for dinner with your friend. Don’t go if you don’t want to, but polling an internet message board for validation shouldn’t be a factor.
I think it depends a lot on the two people involved and the circumstances of going to the movies. I think two friends (regardless of gender) can go see a movie without it being a romantically charged, intimate activity. However, in your situation:
*He expressed romantic feelings for you in the past.
*You already have plans to go to dinner, and he brought up the movie afterward, to add on to the event. This means that before you hung out, he already decided he wanted to spend as much time with you as possible.
*The decision to go see a movie was, as far as I can tell, not based on the movie itself, or on a shared interest in movies (e.g., “hey, you’re the only person I know who also wants to see X-Men: First Class, wanna go catch a 10pm showing after dinner?”)
I don’t mean to psychoanalyze, but I think your particular weird feelings are because of who this guy is, and the context of his asking.
Dinner and a movie? Sounds like a date to me. I think he IS trying to initiate something (or at least hoping that something will eventuate from it), and that your gut reaction to not go was the right thing to do.
Keep an eye out for his next move, you may have to have a Talk with him.
It sounds like your instinct to decline was on the money. Not necessarily because of seeing a movie per se, but because, from your description, it sounds as if this guy’s intentions may not be 100% honarable.
In general, my opinion on going to see a movie without my SO? Depends on: a) The movie. My wife would get upset if I saw a movie *that she wants to see *without her. If she’s not interested in the particular film, less of an issue. This works both ways. b) The company. I might catch a movie with my brother and/or my mom once in a while (though Mrs. Wheelz is likely to come along as well in these cases). Less often, maybe a testosterone-filled explosion-fest with a guy friend or group of guys. I don’t really have any close female friends that aren’t also my wife’s friends, but if I did I’d think twice about a movie night with one, as it is indeed a typical “date” activity. I certainly wouldn’t with any girls I’ve had any history with.
It sounds date-like, but it doesn’t have to be intimate. I do this with both male and female friends and not intimate. We do joke that we are on a date though.
Huh? Not even a little bit. I’ve gone to the movies with my mom, sister(s), gal pals and other completely platonic friends far more than I’ve gone with a date or SO. The movies are just the movies, not a candle-lit dinner over champagne at a cozy restaurant.
I’ve a few longtime female friends I’ve gone to dinner and a movie with, and it’s not considered an “intimate” event. My wife is fine with it. Admittedly she generally comes along too, but not always.
However, I have no romantic history with any of these women, and I’m a very, very, very married man.
I think the movie is less intimate than dinner, honestly, though it depends on what kind of movie it was I think. Dumb Comedy = ok. RomComs or horror films = Nope.
Given the scenario you described, I wouldn’t be comfortable at all with my wife doing either activity with this guy. Lunch would be ok, but dinner is too “date-y” in my eyes. But I’m probably just weird. You could always sit a seat apart from him when you got to the theater to help drive in the point that it’s “not a date.”
How does your boyfriend feel about it? I think that would be my major consideration.
But it does sound to me like the other guy is hoping for more. So, I’d probably pass on it too.
I don’t think you are weird. I don’t really see what is so intimate about going to a movie unless you are cuddled up close to each other or whatnot. Otherwise, you are just sitting in the dark next to each other, not interacting at all. Dinner offers much more in the way of chances to flirt, meaningful glances, etc.
Going to the movies is one of the most non-intimate things you can do. You spend about 2 hours in the dark, not talking to the people you are with, including the other 300 strangers that are in the theater with you. How is that intimate? Unless he wants to hold hands, who cares?
Going to dinner and sharing close conversation over good food and drinks for an hour and a half is waaaaayyyy more intimate.
I should have phrased the question differently.