Ron Jeremy has famously said that he’d rather his wife blow a guy than go to dinner with them. Sex can just be sex, but dinner is a DATE.
Ron Jeremy is married?
Dinner would be more intimate to me, too. Dinner is wine and sharing food and talking, movies are just sitting there in the dark, unable to even converse. So unless you’re making out during the movie, dinner would be a much more intimate thing.
Not that I wouldn’t go to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex. It’s just that after sharing dinner, a movie wouldn’t even ping my “is this appropriate” radar.
I consider movies the opposite of intimate activity. In fact, I consider them fairly anti-social to the point that I try to avoid going to the movies when catching up with friends I haven’t seen in a while because all you do is sit there.
When I was married and my husband worked a 2nd shift job (noon - 9 PM) I often went with his best friend to the movies. He was going anyway, and I was home alone, so hey - why not?
As long as the movies were comedies or action, it never felt weird. But some of the more drama or romantic movies would definitely feel awkward, especially since we were both pretty lonely.
He’s such a sport.
In the context of your situation, yes, you’re feelings are spot on. It would be inappropriate in light of your history and this guy’s (in my mind obvious) intentions.
In general; not at all. I was shocked to find out that my boyfriend would never *consider *seeing a movie with another male friend. To his mind it is totally date related. I don’t get that at all.
Personally (not that anyone asked) I wish it were more intimate. The cinema is a huge passion of mine and I wish my friends took it as seriously as I do.
So wait. Is the question here “Is going to the movies with this guy a bad idea?” or “Is going to the movies an intimate activity?” If the former, then I guess – I dunno, depends on if you think he’s trying to move in on you. If the latter, then no.
That’s how I see it. I never was a big fan of movies for dates - but I do go to the movies a lot with platonic friends. If you’re not snuggling or making out during the movie it doesn’t seem date-y at all to me.
(Graping mine.) But that’s the problem right there. Going to the movies with someone is a non-intimate activity unless they try to make it intimate, by trying to hold hands, or draping their arm across the back of your seat, or something like that (not to mention the hole-in-the-bottom-of-the-popcorn-bucket trick). If he tried something—and it sounds like there’s at least some possibility of that—what would you do?
There’s always the possibility of trying to get your freak on with people, whether it’s going to the movies or taking a stroll in the park. People have tried to turn all kinds of otherwise-innocent situations into love fests. Still, **Omar **is right; by itself, sitting in a dark room, not even making eye contact with one another while watching a movie is as unintimate as it gets.
Edit: That’s why I always turn down the movie option if going on a date in the beginning let’s-get-to-know-each-other phase. How are we supposed to get to know each other while watching a movie? We can’t even talk to each other. I pretty much only go to movies with people I already know (friends, fam, etc) when I don’t want to go by myself, and occassionally alone too.
When I begin dating someone, I really don’t like the idea of movies for dates because I don’t consider them very intimate - but just the opposit.
Usually whomever I am with is too busy with their popcorn or drink to try and hold hands and when they are done with their food, their hands are too icky to want to hold anyway.
For me, movies are a singularly single thing.
As someone who’s not always been comfortable with the usual small talk and forced chit-chat inherent in first dates, I think a movie is a great option – provided you plan on drinks or dinner afterward. Then, the movie you’ve just seen gives you a built-in topic of conversation, which (hopefully) can lead organically to broader, mutually interesting topics.
It sure beats “Um, do you have any brothers or sisters?”
He’s never seen the bro-dogs going to the movies and leaving a “no homo” seat between them? It always cracks me the hell up. What, you’re afraid you’ll accidentally put your arm around him?
On the other hand, I was so accustomed to going to the movies with my boyfriend that when I went with my male cousin once I almost put my head on his shoulder before I realized, oh, whoops, wrong guy!
I’m pretty sure that my wife and I didn’t see a movie together until after we were married. Movies are not great getting to know you dates. Unfortunately, the American culture has deemed that “dinner and a movie” are the quintescential date. Most of mine and my wife’s dates did and still consist of long dinners out with cocktails before and after. We occasionally see movies together, but most of my movie theater watching is done solo.
The truthful-but-kind answer: Yes, in fact I’d argue going to a movie is inherently less intimate than dinner. Dinner you talk and share feelings/stories/experiences. A movie you just sit quietly through the whole thing and unless you have coffee afterwards, you don’t talk about it.
No, I definitely do not consider it intimate. I go to the movie with my wife, sure, but I also go with friends (of any gender - I love movies, and I’ll go with anyone I know who wants to see the same movie), and occasionally have to take kids to see a movie (we don’t have kids but get lumbered with babysitting duties every so often).
Definitely not intimate.
My opinion is pretty much the opposite of everyone else here.
If I were the OPs boyfriend, I’d definitely not be okay with the idea of her going to a movie with just one guy, history or not.
I agree that movies are inherently not intimate, but let’s be honest, it’s not going to be just a movie. It would only be just a movie if they meet at the theater five minutes before it starts, watch in silence, talk for five minutes afterwards and go home in separate vehicles.
Unless it happens that exact way, I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. Because there would be a “light snack” afterwards to talk about it, or getting together before the movie to chat and whatnot. All of this being of course very “date-y” and far easier to do now that “Well we’re already together having watched the movie, might as well stay with them for a while.”
Otherwise, why go to the movie with someone else at all? Movies come with the expectation of spending more time with the person you’re with to talk about the movie at the very least. Over a “light snack” being the easiest option, which at that point, is very much a date.
Did you not read the OP? They are already going to dinner together.
One of my close guy friends just got a girlfriend and she wants to meet me, so the 3 of us are going for dinner this weekend. I’m not sure if it’s ‘I want to meet my guy’s friends!’ or ‘I want to start a catfight rawr!’. I’ve known this dude for 6 years and he’s had other girlfriends. We’ve gone out for supper* just because we could, and then geeked out over TV shows and games and stuff. I don’t care if that stops because he’s spending all his money on the girlfriend, but it would suck if it stopped because his girlfriend thought dinner couldn’t be platonic.
*Okay, more Applebee’s than wine and escargot.