It isn’t intimate by default. It can certainly be made so.
Hazel, apologies if this is too off-topic (or too ignorant), but I’m curious – particularly since there’s a history with this guy and a potential reason to be concerned – why didn’t you tell him that you and/or your boyfriend just aren’t comfortable with the idea? If the guy really IS up to something, and the fact that you already are in a solid relationship isn’t enough of a hint, then isn’t he likely to try to ask you to the movies again in the future?
I think movies are about as un-intimate as it gets–you sit shrouded in darkness in uncomfortable seats and don’t even get to talk to the person you’re with! But if you have a history with this guy, I think it’s more the act of going out alone than what you’re doing together. I think I would feel uncomfortable one-on-one with an ex (or someone who was into me) whether it was dinner, a movie, whatever. But that’s just me.
One thing you might want to consider: before we were married, my wife’s frequent experience (in another East Asian country) was that some casual male acquaintence would ask her to have lunch or something, and if she expressed any doubts his attitude would be “hey, c’mon, it’s just lunch, and we’re just friends, aren’t we, what are you worried about?” But after they did have lunch, his attitude would change and it was clear he now believed he had a chance with her because she had acquiesced to his attentions. (ETA: no, stronger than that. It was like she was now obligated to give him a chance now that she had opened that door, in his view.) And when she finally made it clear that she already had a boyfriend and wasn’t interested in another romantic relationship, the guy would become very upset and accuse her of leading him on.
Or to quote Robert De Niro’s character in Ronin: “If there is any doubt, there is no doubt.” Don’t do it. You’ll regret it.
Depends on the movie. If you’re watching “Bloody Robot Rampage 3”, then it’s ok. But if it’s “Intimate Moments with Fred and Callisto”, then maybe not.
It’s all about context for me. Going to Dinner in a “See you at 6 at the BlahdeBlah Grill”? Not all that intimate, as it could be catching up, sharing a laugh. Going to a Movie, a la “Hey, I’ll meet you at the box office at 7:15!”? Not all that intimate.
“Hey, everyone, let’s grab some burgers and go see X-Men!” for a group of 3 or more? Not intimate. Dinner and a movie for just two is a date, though, in my book.
Granted, there are many more scenarios that would be less intimate or more intimate, depending, but it sounds like your friend is aiming toward “a date”. That’s where the difference lies. Dates tend to be on the intimate side (but not always).
Dinner and a movie was typical hang-out fare for me and my opposite-sex best friend when she still lived locally, and I just had dinner and a movie with a different opposite sex friend just this past weekend.
Well, I didn’t think he was up to anything. The feeling of unease was simply because I thought my boyfriend would be hurt if I went to go see a movie with someone else. Upon reflection, it’s not really about the intimacy, but more about the shared experience. My boyfriend and I love watching movies/TV shows together and discussing them afterwards; I think if I went to go see the new X-men movie with another guy, he’d be upset no matter who the guy was. And if the positions were switched, I would be too.
Honestly I don’t think my friend was aiming for a date. He’s just a bit thoughtless when it comes to certain things. I had pizza and drinks with him last night and all he did was complain about some chick he’s been lusting after.
I think it implies a certain level of intimacy to be comfortable with and desirous of spending hours next to someone in the dark, with at least your arms touching and maybe more.
I agree with you Hazel, that would have been my first thought as well.
This is also why I never take a woman on a first date to the movies, it’s way too awkward for me and I’m always thinking what should I be doing with my hands.
Here’s how you can tell. Ask him if you can bring along a friend, your brother, the kid next door, your mom, or…here’s an idea…your boyfriend. If he objects, he intended it to be an intimate get-together. If he is fine with the idea, it’s just a bunch of friends hanging out.
I’ve had that technique used on me, so I know it works.
I am on friendly terms with all of my exes and go out on dinner/movie dates all the time. It’s not an intimate thing unless both want it to become one.
No it’s not. That’s terrible advice. Even if I were going out with my cousin, I’d be annoyed if she wanted to drag her mom or boyfriend along. I want to go out with her, not her entire entourage. Not liking it says nothing about his intentions.
Perhaps. Perhaps not. If this dude had more than friendly aspirations, I think it’s quite possible to expect him to be more disappointed than he would be otherwise. He might say something to that effect.
And, personally I wouldn’t be annoyed if it was a casual hangout and she wanted to bring a friend along. It would only start to be annoying if there was never any one-on-one hangouts, ever.
