I was reading the open letter to all moms thread about being direct with presents and realized that a lot of people expect presents for Christmas.
I’ve always gotten girlfriend(s) presents but that’s because I’m a nice guy but I’m a little put off now realizing that some of those presents were EXPECTED. I have zero expectations to get gifts and am always a) pleasantly surprised that I got presents and b) a bit underwhelmed by what I got (except in 1998 when I got an N64).
I’m just curious as to how many people out there expect presents and how much of a deal/heartbreaker it’d be if your:
parents
bf/gf
wife/husband
kids (?)
didn’t get you anything for Christmas. Let’s just keep it to Christmas. Birthdays is an entirely different situation.
We actually set aside money from the household budget for presents, so I’d be surprised if my wife didn’t get me anything. I don’t expect presents from anyone else, though - except that my Dad buys me socks. This is good - one year he didn’t, and that was a bad year for socks.
Only in those very few instances where an expectation has been created over a period of time. Pretty much my husband of 21 years and my wine-buddy girlfriend. Others are not expected. My parents and sibs have a lot of kids & grandkids and many are on limited incomes, so I beg them not to get me anything.
My Mom always gets me something. She does a gift bag for all her kids & families, and it usually includes stuff for both people, like homemade banana bread, a few trinkets for the house, and a small gift personalized for each kid and his/her spouse. For example, she’ll give me a pair of earrings (not fancy - something in the $20-$30 range, or a pair of hers that have special significance) and for my husband he’ll buy him a box of candy he really likes and a t-shirt.
I’d be really bummed if I didn’t get that gift bag, because it would mean that my mother was either dead or very ill. I’m pretty sure she did it the year she was recovering from major surgery and getting chemo. That’s just what she does.
Husband: kind of the same thing, though it wouldn’t be a surprise if he didn’t get anything because it would be a mutual decision. Every year we sit down and talk about Christmas, about what we want to spend on each other, or if we should just skip it this year. We always talk about “no presents” but then one or the other of us says “How can it be Christmas without presents?!?” and we end up getting stuff. We try to keep it low-key; the past two years the rule has been “if you’re stressed out about it, stop.” That’s worked well so far.
No kids, but I usually get something for the dogs, and they usually get something for us, too.
No I don’t. In fact I tell people that if they want to give me something to give me ephemerals like food or flowers. We’re trying to downsize.
My adult children usually make me something nice which I appreciate. Last year it was a burnt wood walking stick and a couple of pair of beach pants.
My husband and I don’t exchange gifts but we spend the money on nice family Christmas party. And after the holidays we gift ourselves with a tropical vacation.
But were I dating or were my parents still alive I would be very hurt indeed not to receive some token of remembrance of the season from them.
My kids usually don’t. My wife and I agreed not to exchange presents this year. My father always sent me stuff, but he died. My mother may or may not. I don’t expect any presents, nor will I be disappointed.
After 42 years of Christmas presents from my husband, yes I expect one this year. I think if we would go to a no present Christmas in our family no one would be upset if we all agreed on it, but would be upset if on Christmas Day they had gotten presents for me but then I just said I decided not to buy any this year.
The only person I expect “something” from is my husband, and he knows where my Amazon wish list is. He insists on thinking up stuff to give me that I like even better than the stuff I asked for, usually. He’s a peach.
I hate getting presents. Birthdays, holidays etc… They all bug me. I have too much stuff as it is and don’t need more. If on the rare occasion I need/want something I make more than enough money to buy it myself.
No amount of stating this will ever convince my inlaws (not giving presents is JUST NOT DONE). My parents finally got it a few years ago.
No – my mom and I were the only people in my family who gave out gifts regularly, and since she passed away, I can’t assume I will get any from any other family members (I still give gifts to them, because I enjoy it) because they’re kind of hit and miss that way. I may or may not get gifts from the friends I see on Christmas.
The first Christmas after my mom died, I didn’t get anything from anybody, and I was surprised by how much that hurt. I’m not someone who needs gifts to feel appreciated, usually, but realizing I had lost the one person in my family who took the time to think of her loved ones and carefully select as a gift something she hoped would please them really hurt.
So now I buy myself whatever I want for Christmas and if I get anything from anybody else, it’s a pleasant surprise.
I’m not averse to presents. Like, my sister once gave me a mp3 player for doing a favor for her. It was one of those cheap ones that you can buy for $39.99 at Target, but it was something I would have never thought to get myself. And I absolutely loved it.
But I’m not hung up on gifts. This isn’t a sign of my virtuousness. It’s just that I’m not that entangled with another person where I would expect them to show their love in a tangible way. If you give a lot of emotional time and energy to another person, it is not unreasonable to expect it to be reciprocated. Gifts are reward for doing stuff for other people. I don’t do enough to earn a reward. So I don’t expect one.
I kind of hate dealing with getting presents. I can never think of what I want, and when I do it’s usually something totally specific involving a model number, and I probably would have went out and bought it anyway. I’m more than happy to give them to people who want them, though.
I ask people to donate money to certain charities on my behalf, which honestly makes me happy, but often they want to get me something tangible and I may not end up using it, so it goes off to Goodwill or a similar group. I live in a small place with too much stuff as it is, and the last move I did only reinforced my horror at how much I am literally weighed down by possessions. My sister has pretty similar sentiments - she wanted a donation to her favorite animal shelter, and some interesting coffee.
I asked my mom to get me wool socks. Again. I always need them, and it’s a very “mom” thing to give.
My wife, mainly. We went all over the board this season since we wanted to upgrade our phones so that was going to be our “present”, then that fell through but we’re also taking a weekend trip so “gift” money will be going towards enjoying ourselves then. But I also told her I got her a little something (like $30) so I assume she’ll get me a token something. Won’t be the end of the world if she doesn’t but I’ll admit it’d probably bother me a little since she knows she’ll have a gift.
My older son is 14 and will almost certainly wind up getting me a Google Play gift card or something similar because he’s 14. I took the initiative of getting “his” gift to his mother for him or else I’m sure that she’d have a gift card as well.
My younger son is 3 so if he doesn’t get me anything I’ll know to blame his mother
My mother has transitioned from gifts to giving checks. If she didn’t give me one, I’d just assume she was tight and intends to later. If she never did, I wouldn’t worry about it.
I “expect” them in the sense that I know my children and husband will give me something. However, I have told my daughters NOT to spend any significant amount of money on them. Both are trying very hard to improve their finances and from a practical point of view if they spend their meager finances on something I will probably end up “lending” them the same amount or more later.
My sister sent me a gift and I sent one to her; she lives across the country. I also send something to my niece and her daughter. I am quite sure they will not send me anything.
The default on Christmas is you give presents. All marketing signs point to this being a gift-giving holiday where you are socially expected to give something to someone important to you.
You can of course agree not to give anything, or agree to give something edible, or useful, or charitable, or what have you, but yes, in the grand scheme of things Christmas is considered a gift-giving holiday where presents are expected unless said otherwise.
On a personal scale, I’d only be upset if my husband/boyfriend didn’t get me anything whatsoever (as in, not even an apology) for Christmas.
I agree. It is necessary to affirmatively “opt out” of the craziness or people understandably would get offended or hurt. If we didn’t have our deal, I would expect a present or two from my wife.
I expect that I will receive a gift of some sort from the following people:
my mom
my sister
my husband
my son
because we always exchange presents. If I just suddenly didn’t get a gift from one of these people without some sort of explanation (ex. money’s tight) I would be very confused and wonder if there was some misunderstanding. We’re pretty good at telling each other stuff, so if someone want to not exchange presents or change they way we do it, we’d talk about it. So in that sense, yes, I expect presents.
The parents, siblings, and friends are all on a mutually agreed permanent “opt out” basis, though I will get presents for them if I find something that I know they’ll love. For instance, I always get my mom a personalized calendar. My closest male friend is famous for his homemade chicken wings (mmm mmm) so I surprised him with a 17" black iron skillet a few years ago so he doesn’t have to make them in 2 batches. But none of the gifts I give mandate a return gift.
I do expect something, even if it’s an $8 paperback, from my college-age kids and my husband. We just bought a lakehouse 2 weeks ago, so we agreed to only get small gifts. I bought him some clothes and some snorkeling socks since his feet get chafed from the fins.
