You should be asking your parents if they already have funeral arrangements or life insurance to cover the funeral.
As for the things like the workshop and moms collection you may want to sit down with your them and see if they are actually still using those things. If not it would be best to try and sell now and not wait until they die. Down sizing their belongings should be on their minds.
If you wait to do this after they die you will find yourself in a rush to settle the estate and possibly be forced to have an estate sale or auction. This is not the best choice to get the most money for their belongings as a large percentage of the sale goes to the firm that sells them. And they may be lucky to get 20 cents on the dollar for what they may be worth if sold individually.
They’ve been trying to downsize for a few years, but it seems to be one box of books at a time. They need to move out of the big house into a bungalow for mobility reasons, but haven’t made a move at all. I suspect they don’t want to get rid of everything and putter around a vacant house.
As I live five hours away and getting them to commit to anything is like pushing smoke into a bottle with a tennis racket, it’s ridiculously tiring.
I fear having some type of long term illness or just being too old to live a normal life more than death. When the time comes, I will say let’s get this over with. I watched how my mother died, the last month she was kept in a drugged state to comfort the pain of her cancer. That is not the way I want to go.
I embraced atheism, with it’s no-afterlife policy, not so much because I like the idea of eternal oblivion, but because I don’t want to take any chances on having my mortal life reviewed and judged.
Omniscient Being: well, well, well, Tibby, let’s start with that boner you got watching Barney & Friends when you were 5.
Tibby: …that was a case of spider-bite priapism, your godliness, I swear!
So what drives your survival instinct? Or don’t you have one?
I feel like there’re some slightly different questions being answered in this thread. The quote above is really talking about the fear of being dead. Pretty much the only people who should fear being dead are people who believe in some kind of hell and that they are destined for it. For an atheist there is no reason to fear being dead because there will be no one to experience it and nothing to experience. For someone who believes in a positive afterlife there’s also no reason to fear being dead.
That’s all different from having a fear that this life will end at some point. That experiences will stop. I don’t want the experiences to stop, I want to keep seeing things and people and finding out what happens in the latest TV show. So yes, I fear the end of experience, not because I fear the eternity of nothing, but because I fear that experiences will stop, that there are a finite number of things that I will do.
I don’t fear death. It doesn’t bother me. I learned this during a medical emergency when I briefly believed (mistakenly) that I was a goner. I was OK with that. When I found out I’d live, I was OK with that too.
I’m not atheist, I’m theist, but of a freewheeling Pagan sort. As for survival of consciousness/soul after death, any sort of afterlife, I’m completely agnostic. I don’t know what’s to be, if anything. I don’t think anyone else knows, either. Nobody has died and come back to tell about it. Near-death experiences don’t count. If somebody is clinically “dead,” but then is revived, it isn’t resurrection of the dead. It means they never really died in the first place.
Anyway, not knowing if there is survival or of what nature it might be… to me, that’s just too bad. It sure would be good to know in advance, it kind of sucks that we don’t, but I’m not losing any sleep over it. I figure it’s nothing to worry about because I’ll eventually get my chance to find out same as everybody else. What matters to me is living a good life while you still can, not getting hung up about what may or may not be.
I did the dead thing already when my helicopter fell out of the sky. I remember everything about it except for the dying part. So if that’s what being dead is like, no big deal.
I occasionally have the horrifying thought that there is nothing after death, but I’m aware of it. Kind of like my mind being in a sensory depravation tank for all time.
When i was 14 i was miserable, and thought a lot about death and the afterlife. And i concluded that i am finite. It would be wrong, probably horrible, to live forever. I also concluded that i wasn’t ready to die just yet.
Like others, there are aspects of dying that i fear, like pain and dependency. But I’m not afraid of death itself. I’m just not ready for it, and hope it doesn’t happen too soon.
‘Fear’ seems so strong, I think that is what most posters distance themselves from. I don’t want to get wet in the rain, but it would be ludicrous to say that I fear getting wet. I don’t like passing strange dogs in the street for fear of being bitten, but I don’t fear dogs.
It appears a lor of replies are simply that they do not desire to die, but don’t fear it. Death itself is not painful, it is only missing out on something. You seem to fear missing out, others don’t look at it that way, in particular as they have already had plenty of experiences.
Possibly. I respect the input of those who have faced death and say they don’t / didn’t fear it. I don’t believe those who haven’t faced death and say they don’t fear it. Fear of death is very important to our survival as a species. Maybe “fear” is the wrong word, but “incredibly strong desire not to die” doesn’t roll off the tongue so well.
Maybe there is another issue here: I agree with you that most people should, if faced with an immediate risk to die, fear that and try their utmost to avoid it. But that is different from fearing merely from the realization that you will eventually die.
For instance, I believe I would, faced with an intruder trying to kill me, fear the assailant. But I don’t fear being attacked by an intruder as I believe the risk is very low. it simply doesn’t register in my daily life.
The way you describe it may give the impression as if you are continually busy contemplating death. Some of the replies agree with you in that they really do not look forward to death, but they don’t seem to be bothered about it in their daily life. If that is your position, I can see where you are coming from.
It’s not something I worry about in my daily life. But every once in a while I will allow myself to contemplate the inevitability of my death and it’s an uneasy thought. I don’t go around fearful that I will die though.
To better understand fear of death, it may help to consider the genesis of this fear with regard to evolution.
All lifeforms appear to avoid death, even species with arguably no consciousness, and certainly no self-awareness. It makes sense that this would start as a simple reflex hardwired into the DNA of all fundamental life. Any species without a death avoidance reflex would simply not be selected for and fail to launch, or thrive, and quickly go extinct.
Spit-balling here, but as species became more advanced this death avoidance reflex resulted in fear of death, as an emergent property of a conscious mind, in lockstep with consciousness itself, which emerged from the physiology of a cluster of central nervous system interconnected neurons.
So, my guess is that fear of death in self-aware lifeforms is innate, and lack of fear, though paradoxical, is possible through brute reasoning. Higher order consciousness allows transcendence of this animal instinct. To placate fear of death in our sapient minds, we can either live with the fear, construct after-life scenarios, or reason it away (hmm, eternal non-existence can’t be all that bad). Is it self-delusion? I dunno, I guess time will tell.
Personally, I don’t have to worry about it. I’m immortal.
My body, in all its earthly animality, supplies such instincts. Frees up my conscious mind from needing to always think of it. The body is adept at looking out for itself. On the subject of health and healing, I like to say “The body is smarter than we are.” But I can easily see the explanation given above by Tibby coming to be, when the body’s autonomous self-preservation program starts running on the conscious mainframe. Kind of a glitch, isn’t it?
40 years ago next month I was in a horrible auto accident that should have killed me. I walked away with minor injuries, and will never forget the moment just before impact. It probably lasted a second or two, during which my thought was “Now I’m going to hit the windshield I’m about to be killed.” The feeling was a calm “Isn’t that interesting.”
I’ve had no fear of death since then. I’m 71 now and consider the last 40 years to be a freebie.
Indeed, cockroaches (and other arthropods) avoid death instantaneously by fleeing danger non-consciously. In fact they don’t even need to involve their CNS to skedaddle. Mechanoreceptors in the hairs of their legs send impulses to thoracic ganglia which directly controls the muscles of their legs. No brain necessary (sounds like my brother-in-law).
They do, however, need their brain to modify the direction of their fleeing. This study explains it simply. So, I’d conclude, deep in our evolutionary past we developed a mechanism to avoid death without being conscious of the danger, and fear developed later, as an emergent property.
I do wish I could instantaneously flee my ex when she appears. I’ve got to re-wire my mechanoreceptors.
Ok. I see the brain / mind / body to be a single thing, it’s all one organism.
To be clear:
This is definitely not me, I have no ongoing fear of death. But this:
I can totally relate to. If I think about the inevitability of death then I start dwelling on infinities, the life of the universe, the heat death of the universe, and all sorts of things my brain can’t fully understand, and I get a very deep sense of unease / doom. So I just don’t think about it in that way. I can think about that stuff and talk about it intellectually but I can’t let myself dwell on it while lying in bed at night.
