Do you have a sarcastic catchphrase?

When someone voices an unusually stupid opinion at work, I am given to commenting, in a narrator-like tone “Meanwhile, back on planet Earth…” However, a lot of people say a lot of stupid things {a whole other thread] and Im afraid this one may be getting a little shop-worn. Anyone have any zingers theyd like to share?

Not exactly the same thing, but when I hear someone say something incredibly obvious, I use “Next stop, rocket science,” which is from Twin Peaks.

–Cliffy

“That’s debatable”

Used with the proper amount of disbelief and sarcasm, and it’s pretty useful… Especially if the sentence you’re countering starts with “I am (or I am not)”

“D’oh” works fairly well, too.

“And what color are the trees in your world??” It’s come in handy on so many occasions.

“… and the horse you rode in on, ____.”

This one is used only with close friends. Their name would go in the blank space.

It is spoken exactly as I’ve written it above. There is a first part to the statement, but the people to whom I address it know what goes there, so I don’t include it.

Another one I use, especially when somebody has been giving all kinds of irrelevant detail and shows no sign of realizing that their audience is falling asleep, is “And Aunt Martha, having gone out for a walk, was found in a ditch.”

I tend to say, “So that’s nice.” in a pretty sarcastic way as a response to things.
Also, sometimes I pretend to be stabbing myself in the heart, as if to say, “The thing you’re saying right now is so ridiculous that I am killing myself.”

More of an understatement than a sarcasm, but…

Whenever something is unbelievably good, we’ll say, in tribute to a college friend, “So that’s not too too bad.”

For example, “I just won two million dollars in the lottery… So that’s not too too bad.”

This is more for when the kids are whining and complaining. “That’s the way it goes Paul” regardless of which kid use “paul”. Oh and ya gotta use a dopey old man voice.

No words required for these.

Look at them kind of blankly, and raise your fist up and down like you’re whacking off.

Also, hold your left hand in front of you with the palm facing you, and with your right hand, gently slap your left palm with your fingertips. This simulates the “ball slapping” camera angle commonly used in porno films.

One I use a lot, whenever someone expresses intent (I wanna…)

“I’ll bet you do, you little vixen!”

This goes for all genders. I think my friend Tom started me on this, ten years ago.

Whenever someone says something bizarre, suggests an impossible solution, in that moment of stunned silence, I turn to the person next to me and say

“He said his friend is sick, and needs some medicine”

I think most people here would get that. Used sparingly, very effective.

When somebody does something completely obvious…

“Wow! Didn’t see that one coming!”

I don’t get this. I am not comprehending the motion itself or what it’s trying to say.

“Condescension noted, you arrogant prick.”- found in a post made by my friend Denis.

“Your concern is touching and duly noted, Earthling”- said in a flat voice.

My usual is “Yes SIR, Captain Obvious!” complete with salute. Or Captain Random, depending upon the offense of the person being saluted.

“Does the pond ripple, when the duck farts?”

Used for excessively true statements.

“You’ve mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.”

“Tell ya what. I’ll send you a postcard when I care.”

You got paid to think up that answer?

“don’t feel so bad, you can always get plastic surgery!”

aka, well you may be stupid, but at least you’re pretty.

but you’re not pretty.

but you can BECOME pretty :slight_smile:

I have two, one of which I stole from an acquaintance:

“What color is the sky (not the trees) in your world?”

Hmmm, I think I kinda stole this from somewhere too:

“I’d like to meet your phamacist” or “I’d like to have some of the drugs you’re taking.”

Damn, I’m so uncreative :frowning:

Mike

“thank you captain obvious!” hm, i wonder when you use that…

and in periods of nothing happening or a tense moment, i’ll throw myself on the floor or fall out of a chair. sometimes accompanied with “hit the decks!”