Whenever I hear some inane story or observation and my input is requested my brain boots up Meg Ryan’s character in Joe VS The Volcano
“I have no response that.”
Lately when the newest cultural “gotcha” moment happens I cant help but quote Fumbles from Robot Chicken GI Joe
“Heh. I don’t even care anymore.”
Whenever someone is travelling for work, or to escape winter for warmer climes.
Going to Winnipeg!
Nobody ever recognizes when, even in harmless situations, i do my best Gene Wilder/ young frankenstein imitation of “Stand back!” 
Also “sed-a-give!” when tempted to throttle someone.
when someone is talking about how big something is… “We’ll never get that on the album cover.” Cheech and Chong
Different movie…same idea:
“You want to see crazy? You want? You think I cant be crazy? You want to SEEEEE CRAZYYYY??? I WILLLL SHOW YOUUUU CRAZY!!!”
This is mine. And, for some reason, people don’t know how to respond to it.
“Bueller? …Bueller? …Bueller?”
Applies to many scenarios, but mostly used sarcastically whenever either looking for someone or something that is obviously not there, or when addressing someone who is clearly not paying attention.
“Did I catch a ‘niner’ in there?”
From Tommy Boy. Used at people who mumble or trail off. Also from this movie:
“No, wait; it’s gotta be your bull.”
Usually used as a random non-sequitur to end a conversation that’s gone off the rails.
“Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug!”
Used when encountering old friends who I’ve not seen for a while.
When somebody does a poor job of parking on the street: “It’s OK, we can walk to the curb from here.”
(from Annie Hall) So far, no one I’ve said it to has ever laughed or recognized the reference.
I’d also like to add that there are countless “Archer” quotes I use on a regular basis. The two most frequently used are :
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(If someone leaves some kind of food or drink sitting out) : OH DO YOU WANT ANTS? BECAUSE THAT’S HOW YOU GET ANTS!
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(For anytime I don’t have a good response to a question) : WAIT…I HAD SOMETHING FOR THIS.
I just ordered a Reuben. Pete Campbell - They put coleslaw right on the sandwich.
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I do troubleshooting for a living for an internet provider. The one I use all the time is from Sling Blade. “Ain’t got no gas innit.” For simple basic fixes. Also, if a modem has died, it is “pining for the fjords.” I’m the only one that ever gets it.
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The only one that actually fits the OP for me is that when someone says “Stop!” it’s really hard for me not to say “hammer time.” That is genuinely something I have said out loud in inappropriate contexts as an automatic response to the word stop.
Others might go straight to “collaborate and listen,” or even “in the name of love,” but for me it’s hammer time, and then they come up next.
Most days, it’s, “Fuck this,” or “Fuck that,” or even “Fuck you,” but, with alarmingly increasing frequency, it’s “Well, fuck me.”
I used to work in a consulting form where we did a lot of compliance and legal related work. Whenever someone mentioned something about regulators (i.e. SEC, FINRA, etc), it was very difficult not to yell out:
“REGULATORS! MOUNT UP!!”
Two of my favorites from The Simpsons:
Whenever somebody says something totally wrong, I use Marge’s “I can’t begin to tell you what’s wrong with that statement.”
And the one I used last night, when someone asked why anyone would put a full cup of coffee into a garbage can and let it run all over the bottom:
He did it because he’s stupid. That’s the only reason anyone does anything.
A line from Honer, and it’s truer than most people would like to admit.
Tweety is my least favorite cartoon character, but damn if I don’t have two more phrases from the little bastard:
Someone’s on the floor (maybe fishing a dog toy out from under the sofa): “Hewwo, Puddy, whatcha doin’ down dere?”
Someone has just made a painfully obvious declaration: “Oh, you so cwever, you shoulda been a fox, Mr. Puddy Tat!”
And now, my voicebox is stuck twelve octaves too high!
Anytime I hear a piano solo in a rock song I say either “Billy Powell on piano” or “that’s Mr Bill Payne.”
I don’t like the little bastard either. Your post doesn’t change that. 