Do you judge attractiveness like this?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Hopefully Frank will leave this thread alone.

I read this in an article from “Men’s Health” while I was in a waiting room. The author was explaining why men should be concerned about their lips. Apparently women judge the attractiveness of a man based on whether or not they can imagine themselves kissing him. This is why lip balm is important.

The author also mentioned that guys judge the attractiveness of a woman based on whether or not they can picture themselves having sex with her.

While I can’t speak for the females, the male theory has one problem. That is, either you must think that all your female relatives are unattractive or you must be a twisted pervert.

If we don’t talk about relatives here, then I think this theory has some merit. When I ask men what they think of a female, the response is sometimes “I’d hit that”. This to me implies that they are immediately thinking about having sex with a woman when I ask about her attractiveness. I won’t lie, I do this too sometimes.

Then there is the problem of what happens when women know about this theory. If you admit to a woman that she is attractive, you are admitting that you can see yourself having sex with her. This is more of a problem with talking about this theory in real life than a problem with the theory itself. This is why I think many females don’t know about this theory. This is also why a man won’t say “yea I’d do you” if a woman asks him if he thinks she is attractive.

So one question I would like to ask doper girls (that I am obviously too scared to ask RL girls) is: do you know that guys who think you are attractive have decided that it would be ok for them to have sex with you? Are you ok with this?

Another question is: do you judge a guy based on whether or not you can imagine kissing him?

Guys, same questions, just switch around the genders and theories so that they would make sense.

2

I wouldn’t presume to speak for my entire gender, but I’d wager sure that most women (or, ya know, people) judge a man’s (or woman’s) sexual attractiveness by their desire to have sex with him (or her).

But I’d like to thank Men’s Health for perpetuating the old “Men want sex, women want romance” trope. It’s just so cute!

3

I might. We’ll see how it goes.

Further comments on my moderator actions should go in the Pit, where, my goodness! - what a surprise!, there is already an existing thread on the subject.

4

This is no problem, near as I can tell - every guy I know admits that he can’t think about his sister/mother/grandmother having sex 'cus it totally skeeves him out.

And I certainly don’t want to start picturing myself snogging with my brother/father/uncle. I mean, EW!

However, the whole kissable lips thing is kind of crap as well. Granted, I’ll notice if a guy has nice lips, or if they’re all chapped or something, but if I’m judging his attractiveness, I’m totally thinking about if I would have sex with him or not. I’d be willing to be that most women think about it, at least in passing, as well.

Finally, of course women know that if men find them attractive it means they’ve thought about having sex with them at some point. Shit - men (apparently) think about sex once a minute - I would guess that they’ve thought about having sex with women that they DON’T find attractive as well, just to fill the minutes up. :smiley:

5

No, it wouldn’t surprise me that guys think about having sex with women they find attractive - and, no, it doesn’t offend me. I expect guys to be preoccupied with sex, honestly. It’s only natural.
Actually, I guess the only thing that would surprise me about this is that I wouldn’t expect most guys to turn down sex with an ugly woman, IF it was purely sex with no strings attached…so I wouldn’t think that just the issue of whether he’d have sex with her or not would be sufficient criteria for judging if the woman is truly attractive.

As a woman, I can look at a man and recognize he’s attractive without necessarily having any thought of doing anything physical with him, kissing or otherwise. There are many good-looking guys that I admire in the way that I would admire a nice work of art without feeling any lust towards the guy (just so there’s no confusion: yes, I am heterosexual, and yes, I have definitely lusted after some guys…it’s just not an automatic response to good looks). Good looks are just the foundation. I also need to know and like the guy’s personality before the urge to do anything physical to him kicks in. :slight_smile:

6

When I look at a guy whether he’s attractive or not, I look at his face as a whole, and the person behind the face, from an aesthetic standpoint and character. ( I look at girls and women like this, too, without being a lesbian). I don’t think about kissing or having sex, I just think “that person looks very nice; and that person would look nice from the face, if s/he wouldn’t look so utterly stupid/empty.”

7

I guess it all depends on which part of your body you imagine his lips on… I oughta get my brain outta the gutter while at work… hell no, I’ll just leave it there.

8

Modified title at OP’s request.

9

I can’t recall ever focusing on a guy’s lips, really. Chapped lips might make me want to hand him a Chapstik, but they’re not a deal-breaker the way, say, mossy teeth are. (Yuck.) I’m not jumping right to imagining kissing him or having sex; first I have to decide whether I’m attracted to him. Certainly, physical attraction is a component of that, but feeling that attraction is more of an elemental thing; it’s never been something that gets distilled down to a single conscious thought like “I want to kiss him.” If I’m daydreaming about what it would be like to kiss a guy, I’m already attracted to him – and certainly not because of what his lips look like.

I guess I always thought guys were the same – meaning, that they just feel (or don’t feel) general physical attraction, without it being right out of the gate as specific as “I’d like to have sex wth her.” I don’t think I’m in a position to be offended by what anyone else thinks, or is attracted by, or whether they find me personally attractive or personally unattractive, so long as “I’d like to have sex with you” isn’t their opening line. :slight_smile:

10

A lady at work had a crush on me. Her looks were OK but not great. Her personality less appealling. I tried to fantasize about her to see if I could spark some interest in myself. I found out there are times that sexual fantasy can be too much like work.

11

I thought it was shoes. :confused:

12

No, women don’t judge your attractiveness by if they can see themselves kissing your shoes.
At least, not most of them.

13

Lakai, I wouldn’t put too much stock in any advice or “facts” given in Men’s Health or any other semi-porn magazine. This includes Cosmo.

In some men’s magazine somewhere, I read a list of things to do to drive your woman wild in bed. (Bed? Isn’t that for sleeping? What’s wrong with the kitchen floor, Bubba?) I later told my GF about these activities, and her general reaction was “Don’t ever do that to me.”

I find it totally possible to find a woman physically attractive and still think “No way, no how.”

14

Prior to meeting Mrs. D_Odds, and when not in a committed relationship, my standards for “hitting that” were … lax. Female, human, breathing, and not much more. I needed other metrics with which to judge attractiveness.

15

First things first: I don’t generally fantasize about a guy who I don’t know. It doesn’t matter how cute or good-looking he is, if he’s an idiot or has some other flaw that’s a major criterion for me, he’s out.

But having said that, sure, an attractive pair of lips helps to stimulate one’s lubricious imagination (as it were!). I find a thin, generally level upper lip very attractive, whether paired with a fuller, curvier, rather pouting lower lip, or a more typical fuller but more flatly contoured lower lip. And wetness or glossiness is right out. (I think that’s because it suggests either nervous or insecure lip-licking, recent eating/drinking/sexual activity, or androgyny, even if it’s just lip balm. This isn’t a dig at lip balm, because chapped lips are very unattractive, but just my attempt to delve into the semiotics of what wet, glossy lips may signify. And yes, I recognize that I’ve just put you guys into a double bind re. lip balm in winter.)

I think I actually find a fair range of lip shapes and sizes potentially attractive… it’s just factor #42 down on the list, as it were. And looking over some Google pics of several actors I rather, ahem, admire esthetically, I noticed a modest variation in this basic lip type, but a greater degree of variation with other facial details, such as the depth of the philtrum (the little groove over the upper lip), whether the chin was clefted or not, the articulation of the dimples in the corners of the mouth (often a fetching feature on the face of man who’s very fit), and so on. Whew, I could use a cold shower right about now…

[Why “42”? Well, isn’t that the answer to life, the universe, and everything? :slight_smile: ]

And now a question at DoperMen: do you tend to find the opposite lip shape attractive in women – say, a full, classic “Cupid’s Bow” upper lip, paired with a thinner lower lip? Do tell!

16

Yes, pretty much. Am I OK with it? As long as they’re not creeping me out with the staring and the lip-licking, sure.

It’s a factor, of course. A somewhat small one, but still something that comes to mind. I focus on the mouth and lips in everyday conversation, so it’s hard to *not * think about how an attractive guy would kiss.

17

Well, I’m a slut…or a potential slut at any rate. “I’d hit that” kind of applies to so many women that it doesn’t count for much as far as distinguishing them from each other.

Taller than she is wide? check. Can’t see under and up and behind the xyphoid process? check. That establishes neither too fat nor too skinny.

etc.

(That’s not to say I don’t have a few dozen physical ideal types that appear far cuter than the others — I do; it’s just that the remaining females are generally cute enough I’d bed them too under the right circumstances)

18

For me it’s totally not lips, it’s hair. I like guys that have good hair. Not impeccably styled, just something I’d like to run my hands through.

Normally that’s not a deal-maker with me; Just cuz I like their hair doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with them. However, it WAS with my current b/f. The first thing I thought when I saw him was “Wow, I want to PET him.” And it went downhill from there.

Now, I think most of those mags are pretty much making shit up as they go along. They need content, and it doesn’t matter if it makes sense. Because you can’t just make a broad generalization like that about half the species. Every female and every male has different standards by what they judge people attractive. I’m 5’5", fat-ish, with small boobs and big shoulders; not something most people would find attractive. Does my boyfriend? Yes.

~Tasha