Do you like this song that I wrote for my girlfriend?

Cafe Society
1

Currently plan to sing it for them on their soon-coming birthday. But while there are some lines that may have specific personal significance, I am hoping it’s also a song that more general audiences would appreciate. (I’m putting together a song set with vague fantasies of performing them at open mics and such and eventually maybe getting into a band of midlife crisis people like myself.)

Here is a recording, only two detectable mistakes! Vocaroo | Online voice recorder

Here are the lyrics (couple of small updates from recorded version)

Ideally the last two verses would be sung by a soft chorus of people, representing friends of the subject of the song, and replacing “my” with “our.”

2

Thanks for sharing, yes it’s sweet song, well done!

3

I like it. So sweet and romantic.
It makes difference, I’m told*, to smile when you sing it.
(:))

(*by my whole family. They’re all musical, not me, alas)

4

Aw. I love it.

5

Any reason why your girlfriend isn’t female singular? Just asking.

6

Beautiful song. But since you asked and I am an editor. Tried to do this with track changes in Word but it is not working. So anything in parens is a deletion

You deserve a song that’s sweet.
You deserve a song we can (all) sing together. Upbeat,
With chords that touch some notes
Of melancholy, but always based based (resolving) on hope
And happiness and life.
You deserve a song that finally aptly describes
Your causes and effects,
An account of which is my current project.
-bit of an awkard line, what is the current project? Maybe just say “Causes and effects In my life or in my new job

I think I might be one
Who will sing your song with you in the long run.
That’s what I firmly hope
To read every morning when I read my horoscope.

It’s what I plan to do
So long as you let me sing to you(my singing continues to not annoy you.)
You deserve a song that’s sweet,
A song that is true and is strong and is charming. Offbeat.

I will always sing your song
Because I believe that it is a terrible wrong
That there are those who don’t:
I feel they should have known. I feel they should know.

You deserve a song that’s sweet.
You deserve a song we can (all) sing together. Upbeat,
With chords that touch some notes
Of melancholy, but always based (resolving) on hope

And happiness and life.
You deserve a song that finally aptly describes
Your causes and effects,
see above

What are the chords in the song?

7

Disregard this - So long as you let me sing to you(my singing continues to not annoy you.)

Somehow I missed the link to you singing the song. I was only reading the lyrics. It works beautifully when sung. Funny.

8

Awwww. That’s Awesome! Do let us know what she thought!

9

Sometimes lo-fi beats hi-fi twelve ways from Sunday. Good job.

10

I applaud you for doing this. It can be improved but to do that I need to know the history between you and this woman. Small details that you love about this woman are HUGE when performing a ballad.

  1. Love the soft guitar. Appropriate.

  2. Some of the lyrics are awkward: “Aptly describes”, for example. You use this when trying to identify something for a future textbook. Same with “causes and effects”. If I was the girl who heard this under my window I’d be reaching for my nearest physics treatise and would hurl it down. Completely unromantic.

  3. “An accounting of which you’re my current project.” I understand what you mean with this lyric, but again, this is so sterile it might as well be a memo to a cubicle co-worker.

  4. I love the pauses. Then, “upbeat”. What are “chords that touch some notes”? What does that mean?

11

It’s “chords that touch some notes/ of melancholy but always resolving on hope.” If you kind of wanted to do a Leonard Cohen harmony-echoes-the-lyrics-a-la-Hallelujah type of thing, you can take that Eb chord, and move it to an Ebm for the last two strums before “resolving on hope,” but I’m not sure it fits elsewhere in the song, so I’d probably leave it alone (and it is slightly gimmicky to do that, I think.)

12

They’re non-binary, but we also couldn’t come up with what felt to us like a sensible alternative term to “girlfriend” and they are very feminine in presentation so we stuck with “girlfriend” for now.