Yeah, I can think of a lot of people throughout history who would take issue with “everything happens for a reason.”
“I wonder what you’re gonna think is the reason for my boot being up your ass…”
Hugs for getting through a hard day. If sending an e-mail is easier than making that call, do it that way. There’s no need to add guilt to your grief.
Today was actually better for me. It was the first day in 9 days that things didn’t get progressively worse. I didn’t cry much and took a few small steps forward in getting on with life. I started journaling - a private journal - and some interesting stuff came up. It helped me feel more sane. I even recorded the miscarriage in my fertility tracker so I can start over again. I did that without falling apart. Medically we can start trying again in 2 weeks. I don’t know if I’ll be ready then, but at least it’s on my calendar.
Mini-rant from me. I Pit my municipal public utility, my bank and myself.
The public utility sends out the electric bill every OTHER month. Which on the one hand might seem nice, but on the other hand means every bill is twice as high as it should be. That’s okay, I can deal. I’ve been making my payments on line, and I have two payment options set up. Both of them lead directly to my checking account; one as an e-check, and the other through my debit card. I did check that my e-check account number is current and accurate.
I KNOW I’ve been paying by e-check, but evidently the bank has not released funds on any of my payments since APRIL. Got a past-due notice in the mail yesterday saying they need $905 by 9/22.
So I pit the utility website for accepting my payments on the browser screen in real time, and not following through with a notification when the bank didn’t make the payments. I pit the bank for not making the payments. And I pit myself for not following up by looking at my account activity online and finding the problem myself.
Huh. I only pay my electric bill every other month because it’s a small bill, a pain in the ass and there are no consequences (late fees, credit dings, etc) for doing so.
I listen to NPR probably too much and I heard a rather startling thing during the news. Apparently, Michigan has the lowest rates of infant vaccination. I live in Michigan! I have my family in Michigan! Yikes! On the bright side, there was a proposal that parents declining vaccinations would have to be counseled on their decision first so that they would understand the risks.
My depression is back. I hate it. I have plenty to be stressed about but so much to live for and I just don’t want to feel hopeless again. I hate it.
Bah, too early in the morning to figure out multi-quote so:
<<<PurpleHorseshoe >>>
LavenderBlue - you should send her a link to the Amazon page for your book.
I’m giving something bulky away on the local Freecycle, and in the middle of back and forthing with someone to set up the pickup time. From her latest message:
“It’ll fit in the back of my subaru wagon, right? How big is one yard, in inches? 35?”
??? Really???
We’re both living in America, btw, and she’s been using perfectly idiomatic casual English. Though I suppose she could be a recent immigrant from some metric land.
Dear universe please fuck off. I woke up this morning to find that breast cancer has stolen the life of a dear friend. She was 46 and leaves behind an eleven year son and a daughter just starting college. She was funny, kind, interesting and brave. She loved Downton Abby, stone fruit, a day on the lake and good cheese. She read historical novels with great passion and intelligence. The last time I saw her, she could barely turn a page. She fought cancer as hard as I have ever seen anyone do and damn near beat it back.
I will miss her madly.
I was surprised at the monthly nature of my gas and electric bill when i first came to live in the United States. In Australia, we always received power bills quarterly.
Oh, I remember when you posted (not long ago, I think?) about her illness, and her kids. 
I’m sorry you lost your friend – she sounds like she was a helluvan asset to this world.
- hugs * back to SpiceWeasel. You probably need it more than me anyway. ("I am rubber, you are glue … ")
I am sure you of all people my dear horseshoe, alas, know the pain of loss.
Moira was something. She never wanted to talk about her cancer. It was always let’s discuss our children or talk about Downton Abbey or have a delightful discussion of the merits of Philipa Grpegory’s latest historical novel and if Richard the Third really did murder his nephews. She had an attitude that cancer was something she could look in the eye, give the finger to and get on with her life. It did not define her. I don’t know that many of us could pull that off at all, let alone as well as she did.
I wept for her death and for her children, but I admire her life.
Ah, crap. Something in my eye. May we all live so well that we merit such a fine eulogy!
My Tuesday 1pm no-show, that changed to “some time Thursday or Friday” is now firmly, probably, Monday maybe. Possibly. At least it’s to meet at HIS office. I’m tired of cleaning the damned house for people who never show up!
What a beautiful tribute to your friend. May we all leave such a stirring legacy.
Some people just aren’t good at math. And she was only one inch off.
But then again, an inch would make a world of difference in a Subaru.
Damn thyroid , trying to get the meds adjusted but the heart skipping is causing me anxiety.
My apartment is located on one of my city’s major streets.
We have a “security gate”.
The battery died in the keypad we use to open that gate.
Did the landlord replace the battery?
No.
The landlord removed the entire gate.
Tonight, I injured myself (not seriously), diving to keep my neighbor’s 3-year-old son from running into the street. Because the gate that would have stopped him is not there.
I’ve got a damned novel to write to my landlord.
Have you written for him for a very low rate before? I made that mistake a few times when I started freelancing, and it was really hard to negotiate up to a reasonable price. Which is somewhat understandable from the client perspective (while remaining entirely unfair to the writer). Still, they may feel they’re offering a reasonable rate because a lot of people assume that anyone can string two sentences together. Which is silly - if they really think that, why hire a writer in the first place?
I’m so sorry for your loss, LavenderBlue. I lost a very dear friend of mine to breast cancer two years ago. She was my rock when I lost a baby, when I hit rough spots in child rearing and marriage and no matter how sick she got, started each day saying, “Today’s the day I get everything done.” I know you’ll remember your friend fondly and mourn for her. Take good care of yourself.
And speaking of ‘‘dumb shit people say to you when you suffer a loss…’’
Suddenly people are tagging me when they post pro-life articles. Because now that I’ve had a miscarriage I must suddenly have radically changed my stance on the issue of abortion!
(I haven’t.)
Like this one, which pretends to be about miscarriage but is really about pushing a pro-life agenda.
They could at least pretend to give a shit about people who have miscarriage.
I have a recurring problem with early-morning charley horses. Sometimes, something will wake me up, and as I lie there, if I stretch JUUUUUST wrong, whammo - hamstring macramé.
It sucks, but usually after a few minutes of pounding on a leg muscle suddenly turned to mahogany and/or hobbling around, it will release and everything is fine again (until the next time).
But a couple of days ago, for the first time that I can remember, I got one in my calf – and it was one of the worst I’ve ever had. Plus, my leg still hurts several days later, as if I’d hurt it lifting weights or something.
I wonder if it’s possible to have a charley horse so powerful that it actually gives you a torn muscle?
edited to add I forgot to grouse about another thing I hate about my charley horses: the way the damn things lurk. For a while after one goes away, I can FEEL it in there, just waiting for an excuse to hit me again. It’s usually not for five minutes or more before they go away totally.